my story (critiques needed!!!!)

[anon]

Shattered
By Angela T. Marie
 
I opened my blinds to see him standing at the lamppost. Just like I asked him. The orange light revealed his silhouette looking towards my house. It was nearing midnight so I knew everyone was asleep. I slipped on some shoes and tiptoed down the steps and out the door. As I walked across the street to him, I thought of the first words that he would say when I got there. He'd probably comment sarcastically on my robe or make a joke about my choice of a meeting place.  He really wasn’t much of a romantic.
 
When I meet his gaze, I wasn't expecting him to look lovingly at me the way he did. I also wasn't ready for the amorous embrace he immediately pulled me into. No words, just actions. His scent enveloped me and I relaxed in his warm arms. He slowly pulled me away and stroked my cheek. The whole world around me seemed to blur as we made our way back to my house. I entered a new realm of being when I pulled him into my room. I closed the door and he pulled me closer, kissing me in a way that showed love, not lust.
 
This much emotion from him was almost impossible for me to perceive. When he asked to get together I thought I knew exactly what he meant. I thought it would be for one night only and then done. I hadn’t planned it to affect my life in the least bit. I wanted him and he wanted me. That much was true. There didn’t look to be anymore until tonight. The way he carressed my body, it felt like we could stay in this delusion of love forever. I felt we might never leave the realm of being we had entered. That was until a simple call broke the illusion.
 
"That's her," he said, speaking for the first time tonight. I nodded, and he answered the call. The illusion was shattered. The realm was broken. In the real world, he had a girlfriend. In the real world, I wasn't "her". In the real world, that girlfriend was my best friend.

[anon]

Better version thanks to Monica's lovely editing skillz of awesome.


Shattered
By Angela T. Marie
 
I opened my blinds to see him standing at the lamppost. Just like I had asked him. The orange light revealed his silhouette facing towards my house. I slipped on some shoes and tiptoed down the steps and out the door. As I walked across the street to him, I thought of the first words that he would say when I got there. He'd probably comment sarcastically on my robe or make a joke about my choice of a meeting place.  He really wasn’t much of a romantic. 
When I met his eyes, I wasn't expecting him to look at me the way he did with gaze that I imagine a man would only give to his true love. I also wasn't ready for the amorous embrace into which he immediately pulled me into. No words, just actions. His scent enveloped me and I relaxed in his warm arms. He slowly let go of me and stroked my cheek. The whole world around me seemed to blur as we made our way back to my house. I entered a new realm of being when I led him into my room. I closed the door and he brought me closer, kissing me in a way that showed love. He was being gentle and kind but still filled with passion. It wasn’t something I was used to.
This much emotion from him was almost impossible for me to believe. When he asked to get together I’d thought I’d known exactly what he meant. I thought it would be for one night only and then never spoken of again. I hadn’t predicted it would affect my life in the least bit. But that night was different. The way he caressed my body softly as he whispered sweet nothings into my ear, I felt like we could stay in this delusion of love forever. I felt we might never leave the realm of being we had entered.
But a simple phone call broke the illusion.
"That's her," he said, speaking for the first time that night. I nodded, and he answered the call.
The realm turned into my messy bedroom with the flower decor.
“No I haven’t talked to her today,” He said glancing at me. A wave of guilt washed over me. I laid down again and stared at the picture on my night stand.
“I miss you too baby.” His voice almost sounded robotic.
The picture was in a frame that match my room. It had the word “BFFs” written on the bottom.
The picture was of me and his girlfriend.

[anon]

Better version thanks to Monica's lovely editing skillz of awesome.


Shattered
By Angela T. Marie
 
I opened my blinds to see him standing at the lamppost. Just like I had asked him. The orange light revealed his silhouette facing towards my house. I slipped on some shoes and tiptoed down the steps and out the door. As I walked across the street to him, I thought of the first words that he would say when I got there. He'd probably comment sarcastically on my robe or make a joke about my choice of a meeting place.  He really wasn’t much of a romantic. 

When I met his eyes, I wasn't expecting him to look at me the way he did with gaze that I imagine a man would only give to his true love. I also wasn't ready for the amorous embrace into which he immediately pulled me into. No words, just actions. His scent enveloped me and I relaxed in his warm arms. He slowly let go of me and stroked my cheek. The whole world around me seemed to blur as we made our way back to my house. I entered a new realm of being when I led him into my room. I closed the door and he brought me closer, kissing me in a way that showed love. He was being gentle and kind but still filled with passion. It wasn’t something I was used to.

This much emotion from him was almost impossible for me to believe. When he asked to get together I’d thought I’d known exactly what he meant. I thought it would be for one night only and then never spoken of again. I hadn’t predicted it would affect my life in the least bit. But that night was different. The way he caressed my body softly as he whispered sweet nothings into my ear, I felt like we could stay in this delusion of love forever. I felt we might never leave the realm of being we had entered.

But a simple phone call broke the illusion.

"That's her," he said, speaking for the first time that night. I nodded, and he answered the call.

The realm turned into my messy bedroom with the flower decor.

“No I haven’t talked to her today,” He said glancing at me.

A wave of guilt washed over me. I laid down again and stared at the picture on my night stand.

“I miss you too baby.” His voice almost sounded robotic.

The picture was in a frame that match my room. It had the word “BFFs” written on the bottom.

The picture was of me and his girlfriend.