to be or not to be {axel}

[MARLENA CARTWRIGHT]

It was Tuesday.

Marlena Cartwright would never admit to herself or anyone else that she had literally been counting the hours until today.

She never liked her literature class. The very old teacher always went on and on in a lecture about some topic she learned about many years ago. She had always been a literature nut, so. Most of the students like her just sat back and talked amongst themselves while he just rambled and did nothing about it. But Marlena had never really had anyone to talk to.

Until now.

That guy she usually sat near was on a chatroom. She had noticed him before, and may have looked a bit too long, but that was normal when she potentially had a crush. She tried not to, seeing as it usually ended up with her brother being a total ass to the guy. But this was different. She legitimately liked this one, though she hadn't exactly had a conversation with him in real life. Marlena was gonna change that today, though, if she wasn't too shy to.

So this time, instead of indifferently stepping in to the classroom, she was halfway skipping, searching for the guy the minute she could see in there. But she didn't reallly notice she was doing this, it was more involuntary than anything. Also, instead of humming a dark song, she was humming a happier tune that she couldn't place. Unfortunatley, he wasn't there yet. Which made sense because she had gotten there like ten minutes early unintentionally.

No, she had to calm down. If she made it obvious she liked him and her brother got the information from one of the sources he had placed somewhere, she would lose her chance. Plus he didn't seem like to type to go for a bubbly little fangirl. Not that she knew much about 'types'.

Today the professor was going over Shakespeare's Hamlet, one of Marlena's all time favorites. She could tell by the writing on the chalkboard that she glanced at in her search for Axel.

Oh well.

Marlena sat in her usual spot and absent-mindedly kept tabs on the door.

[JULIAN SORENSEN]

No change, I can't change

[/size]
I C A N ' T C H A N G E , I C A N ' T C H A N G E



B U T I ' M H E R E I N M Y M I N D
I am here in my mind[/size]

- - - - -

Axel hadn't really been expecting to looking forward to any class he took as much as he was looking forward to his literature class today. And it wasn't because they were doing Hamlet - his favorite Shakespearean play - but rather, because he would, for the very first time since he'd "met" her, have the opportunity to speak to Marlena.

He had only just recently spoken to her in an online chatroom, and from there had gotten enough of an impression of her to assume that she was attractive and intelligent. Axel had always recognized that the girl in the seat next to him was particularly good-looking, and he had been able to appreciate that, but Axel didn't just talk to good-looking girls unless he wanted something from them. And somehow...somehow, he just didn't want to do that with Marlena. Something in him was morally opposed to taking advantage of her in every way, and it had nothing to do with that paranoid older brother of hers.

You're making a mistake associating with her, something in his head said. You're bad for her. You shouldn't even go near her.

But Axel didn't want to listen to that part of him, whatever it was. (It didn't even seem to have his voice.) He wanted to speak to Marlena. He was attracted to her, and nothing her older brother said on a chat room could prevent him from being so.

He walked into class that day a few minutes late, though the teacher had only just begun to teach. She cast him an irritated look that he reciprocated with raised eyebrows, provoking a chuckle or two from some of the students close-by who saw him do so. The professor, irritated, continued to talk, and Axel scanned the room with his dark eyes, searching for that familiar face that had been ever-present beside him since this course had started.

And there she was.

His lips curling up into a very slight smile, Axel wove his way through the available seats and took his normal seat next to Marlena, setting his bag beside him and pulling out a notebook. (If he ended up actually having to take notes for something like this. He knew Hamlet inside and out.) As he grabbed a pen, he glanced sideways at Marlena.

"Afternoon," he greeted her. "So we meet at last. Figuratively speaking."

- - - - -

But I'm a million different people[/color][/size][/font]
F R O M O N E D A Y T O T H E N E X T[/color][/size]
[/center]

[MARLENA CARTWRIGHT]

The teacher had already begun lecturing, and already Marlena was bored enough to let her mind wander, something she didn't do often because it often led her to forbidden thoughts that led to disorganized thought that led to - well, led to madness, in the old-fashioned sense of the word. But this time her mind wandered to Axel instead of her Father, so she was safe. She thought of how he acted so... familiar on the internet chat and how he spoke Danish and how her brother had basically dismissed hi-

There he was.

Late, only by a few minutes, but there nonetheless. She realized she had started getting worried.

Then she realized that breathing was probably a good idea.

Though she had glanced over at him a few times in class, she had never actually noticed noticed him. Noticed how... how dashing he was. Oh god, now she sounded like southern belle. Who the hell even thought the word 'dashing' anymore? Why was she getting so distract-

Oh, he had spoken to her. It would be a good idea to reply to him, don't you think? she thought. But...but what did he say? She replayed the words in her mind.

"Afternoon. So we meet at last. Figuratively speaking."

Right, a greeting. Oh, she was getting so distracted, so... disorganized? This was odd. Usually she only got this way when she thought of her fa-

No, if she thought of him, then there would be no point in talking to him because he would think she was crazy, like a lot of people did.

She calmed herself down and smiled. "Good afternoon." What else had he said? Oh, right. "Yeah, finally."

notes; LOVE'S GOT ME LOOKIN' SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW. that is all.
tagged; axel. :3
oufit; just remembered to do this. :/
words; Around 300.
lyrics; Drown by Three Days Grace
credit; THIS GOES TO HEDGIE. C:

[JULIAN SORENSEN]

No change, I can't change

[/size]
I C A N ' T C H A N G E , I C A N ' T C H A N G E



B U T I ' M H E R E I N M Y M I N D
I am here in my mind[/size]

- - - - -

He hadn't taken enough time lately to notice how beautiful she was.

Her facial features were flawless. Smooth skin, beautiful eyes...her hair looked so soft, he just wanted to touch it--

Stop it. Stop it right now. You hardly know her and you are not that careless.

Axel shook his head slightly, taking a deep breath. He had to steady himself. He wasn't one to show his emotions too much outright, and now wasn't the time to start now that he'd noticed how pretty the girl sitting next to him was. Like Marlena, he had never really noticed noticed her until now. Her subtle grace. Her voice. She was...

Beautiful.

"Good afternoon." He smiled just slightly as she spoke. Smiling wasn't something that came easily to him. "Yeah, finally."

He brushed his hair out of his face, glancing between her and the front of the classroom. "So, Hamlet. Have you read it before?" He blinked, his dark eyes serious, studying her. "It's my favorite play. I'm fond of Shakespeare, but...I've always really been able to relate to Hamlet. Maybe it's just because he's Danish." He offered a more honest, charming smile.

Yeah, and maybe his father was also murdered by his uncle in cold blood. That might have something to do with it.

- - - - -

But I'm a million different people[/color][/size][/font]
F R O M O N E D A Y T O T H E N E X T[/color][/size]
[/center]

Notes: I am sorry this is so short. ;;

[MARLENA CARTWRIGHT]

Oh god, why was she acting like this? She was having trouble getting her thoughts in order, and her hand started twitching a bit. This was not going well.

But if she didn't talk to him it would end badly.

So she put her trembling hand underneath the table, out of sight, out of mind, and again calmed herself. This was not a big deal. Why was she freaking out so much? She wasn't nervous, no. It was something else, but she couldn't place what. And it was bugging the hell out of her.

Now, to focus. That shouldn't be so hard, right? Focus.

But why was he so famili-

No, focus.

"Yeah, I've read it before..." she whispered. The teacher was looking at them suspiciously and had paused. Why was it the only times she did something to get in trouble she got busted, while everyone else did the same thing? It was frustrating and annoying and -

Focus.

The teacher had gone back to lecturing and was now facing away from the students for whatever reason.

"Really? I've always been able to relate to Ophelia for some reason," she said, and it was true. Though saying she could relate to the character that was the love of the character he related to was a bit blunt. Hopefully he didn't notice.

She was about to say something else, but he smiled. Oh dear. That smile. Marlena melted a little at that smile.

notes; bleh.
tagged; axel. :3
oufit;just remembered to do this. :/
words; no idea.
lyrics; Drown by Three Days Grace
credit; THIS GOES TO HEDGIE. C:

[JULIAN SORENSEN]

No change, I can't change

[/size]
I C A N ' T C H A N G E , I C A N ' T C H A N G E



B U T I ' M H E R E I N M Y M I N D
I am here in my mind[/size]

- - - - -

It was no secret that Axel, largely after his father's death, had acquired a bit of an authority problem. After Mathias had passed away, Axel had become violently opposed to anyone who tried to tell him what to do, particularly his uncle. When he had been in high school, it had earned him detention more than once; he never did anything too offensive, he was just a smartass backtalker. Teachers tended not to like that.

This professor was no different.

When the professor had paused to look at him and Marlena, he had once again raised his eyebrows and regarded the offender with a slightly condescending expression.

"Is there a problem, Mr. Vestergaard?" the professor hissed.

Axel smirked. "Not at all," he drawled. "Do continue."

The teacher, clearly irked, turned back to the board, and Axel reverted his attention to Marlena.

"Ophelia? Really? Well..." He let that charming smile creep back onto his face. "Perhaps that means something." (He had no idea just how much.) "But do indulge me...how do you relate to Ophelia? I'm curious." And he was. He wanted to learn everything he could about Marlena. For some strange reason, she fascinated him.

- - - - -

But I'm a million different people[/color][/size][/font]
F R O M O N E D A Y T O T H E N E X T[/color][/size]
[/center]

[MARLENA CARTWRIGHT]

Marlena's cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink when the teacher addressed Axel. That was only because she felt it was partially her fault that he had gotten addressed at all, though he had started the conversation in the first place. Oh, the professer was mad now. Maybe they shoud stop talking?

No, that was not a good solution at all. That meant not talking to Axel.

And she couldn't ignore him. Not that she tried, but what was the point? She knew she couldn't do it, regardless of whatever anyone said. It was hard enough not to just stare at him like an idiot.

She flushed a bit more when he spoke about that meaning something. Obviously he had noticed that connection. Oh, and he was smiling again. That damned smile.

"Well, my brother, as you may have seen the other day, is kind of really protective of me, like Laertes. I hardly ever get out without him hovering over me and calling about ten times an hour. Not to mention my father...." She gulped, hoping beyond hope that she would be able to form sentences and not sob after reaching this subject. "He was protective of me too, before he was... murdered." Marlena attempted a smile, but it was sad and didn't reach her eyes at all. "Which is also like Ophelia." She purposely left out the fact that in the play, Hamlet was the one who murdered Ophelila's father. Stabbed, like her father, only through a curtain.

Another gulp. A sad smile.

Why did I even have to bring that up?

For some reason, she just wanted to tell him everything. Cry on his shoulder and whatnot. It was a ridiculous feeling and it needed to stop.

notes; if you compare this to my other posts, you can see who I have the most muse for today. :/
tagged; axel! :3
oufit; you already saw it and i'm too lazy to put the link in. XD
words; ASGHJKL didn't count again.
lyrics; Drown by Three Days Grace
credit; THIS GOES TO HEDGIE. C:

[JULIAN SORENSEN]

No change, I can't change

[/size]
I C A N ' T C H A N G E , I C A N ' T C H A N G E



B U T I ' M H E R E I N M Y M I N D
I am here in my mind[/size]

- - - - -

Axel was entirely ready for this class to be over. In fact, he could absolutely care less if the professor was glaring at him or the fact that she really didn't like him very much. The point was that they were doing a play he knew inside and out, and he had much more important things to deal with than listening to some bloated old bat rant on and on about things he already knew.

Like Marlena. Marlena was much more important.

He couldn't put his finger on what it was, but there was a...magnetism that he felt towards her, a sort of insatiable curiosity to discover everything about her. Usually, physical interest in a girl led to a one-night stand and no calls the day after with Axel - no strings attached, just-for-the-hell-of-it sex. But Marlena was different. Axel was attracted to all of her.

"Well, my brother, as you may have seen the other day, is kind of really protective of me, like Laertes. I hardly ever get out without him hovering over me and calling about ten times an hour."

"Right, I remember him," Axel replied dryly, with the twist of a toothless, sardonic smile.

"Not to mention my father...." He paused, attentive. "He was protective of me too, before he was... murdered. Which is also like Ophelia."

"Oh..." Axel was a bit taken aback that she had felt comfortable sharing something so personal with him. "Oh, I see..." He seemed to consider for a moment, as if puzzling out a very difficult logic problem. "Well," he said, his voice softer now, almost more vulnerable, "if it's any consolation, my father was also...killed. And I believe he was murdered."

He did not mention his uncle. The last thing he needed was Marlena thinking he really did have a Hamlet complex.

- - - - -

But I'm a million different people[/color][/size][/font]
F R O M O N E D A Y T O T H E N E X T[/color][/size]
[/center]

[MARLENA CARTWRIGHT]

Why had she said that? Now she really couldn't think. And her other hand started shaking. Stupid, naive, Marlena. It wasn't like she didn't know she wouldn't get like this after mentioning it or even thinking it. This wasn't fair to Axel, not at all. But if she tried to put togetehr a sentence that was more than three words, it wouldn't make a bit of sense.

Though she had to say something. He had just said his father was killed, murdered, whatever. Which totally did not help her disorganized thought process. His voice was so soft, not al all like it had been before. She brought up such a touchy subject. Stupid! She was so stupid. What was it about Axel that mad her so... crazy? Was that the word?

"That's... awful," she said with a far-away tone. She grabbed the pen that was sitting on her desk to keep her hand from shaking and wrote something the professor had just said down, though it was just a fragment of a sentence she heard. So anybody else looking at the paper would have no idea what she was even trying to record.

It was obvious that something was up, as much as she was trying to hide it. Hopefully Axel wouldn't think it was his fault, because it wasn't.

notes; bleh. :/
tagged; axel! :3
oufit; see above posts.
words; idk.
lyrics; Drown by Three Days Grace
credit; THIS GOES TO HEDGIE. C:

[JULIAN SORENSEN]

No change, I can't change

[/size]
I C A N ' T C H A N G E , I C A N ' T C H A N G E



B U T I ' M H E R E I N M Y M I N D
I am here in my mind[/size]

- - - - -

Oh, dear. He'd said something to set her off.

"I'm sure your father's death was just as terrible," he managed. "Besides, we...have that in common." His smile was wry; it was a morbid and cynical attempt at humor, but most of Axel's humor was like that these days. He watched her fidget, watched her hands shake, noted how she picked up the pen to stop it. Axel was nothing if not observant, and it came in handy in situations like this.

"Hey." He frowned, and, gingerly, he reached out and overlapped one shaking hand with his own. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up." He moved his head, trying to look her in the eyes. "You don't need to feel sorry about bringing it up. I should be sorry about bringing up your father's passing. And besides..." Axel gritted his teeth, and then he lied smoothly. "I have come to terms with my father's death."

He had anything but come to terms with it. Obsessed over it, cried over it, ignored it, shut it out, embraced it, but not come to terms with it. There was still a part of him that screamed every time he thought about it. There was still a part of him, buried deep within, that cried for vengeance, vengeance now. Vengeance against his uncle. It had to be his uncle. He knew it. He knew it.

But he was getting distracted. Focus on Marlena. She is what matters right now.

"Tell me what's wrong." It was half-request, half-demand. It was hard to tell which was stronger.

- - - - -

But I'm a million different people[/color][/size][/font]
F R O M O N E D A Y T O T H E N E X T[/color][/size]
[/center]

[MARLENA CARTWRIGHT]

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up."

"Not your fault," she mumbled pathetically. She doubted he even heard her, she was so quiet. This wasn't going to work. There was no way she wouldn't break down crying if she didn't shut up and think of something else to say. Scratch that, just think of something else in general. Like Axel. Think about Axel, yes. Like how -what was the word? Right. It felt right when her placed his hand over hers, so much that it stopped shaking. She met his eyes with her own watering ones.

"I have come to terms with my father's death."

That's what eveyone told her to do. Come to terms with it. Put it behind you. Move on. But it happened so recently that it was hard for her to do that. Not to mention the fact that she had seen it happen.

No, think of Axel. ThinkofAxelthinkofAxelthinkof-

Then the professorr mentioned Hamlet murdering Polonius. Well. That connection being verbalized at that moment seemed to put her mental activity on pause.

"Tell me what's wrong."

At that moment, everything seemed to be wrong. Everything. And the urge to just rave on and on about everything to Axel still remained. But she was still coherent enough to notice that the teacher was still glancing their way every other minute.

"I-I can't," she started. Well at least that was a sentence. "Trouble....we'll get in trouble," she continued. "Talk after class?" The question was missing a word or two and she sounded a bit like she didn't have a grasp on the English language, but it would suffice. Hopefully.

notes; THIS IS AWFUL AND TERRIBLE I BE SOWRY. insert time lapse I mention here, I guess. :/ also, sorry for the templatelessness. /lazy

[JULIAN SORENSEN]

Axel gave Marlena a little nod in confirmation. He spent the rest of the class not paying attention, as he was supremely uninterested in hearing that which he already knew.

As he heard the professor announce class was over and remind them to do their readings (he had read Hamlet so many times that he doubted he would do more than scan), Axel began to pack up his things. He didn't speak to Marlena at first. Instead, he went about putting his book away, his notebook, his writing materials, whatever he had taken out. He turned his cellphone back on, checked it briefly, and shouldered his bag.

Then he looked at Marlena, and his expression was as if their conversation had never even paused.

"Walk with me?" he suggested, and, before hearing her answer, he left the room. (He had a tendency to be impatient and he did not intend to be in the classroom much longer.

He didn't look back at her at first, so he wasn't sure if she was following or not, but he spoke aloud anyway. "Trust me," he said, in that smooth, Danish-accented voice. "I understand what it feels like. I do. At least...from my perspective, I do." He continued to leave the classroom in his wake. "When my father died...I was absolutely devastated. It has been over two years, and I still am. I am still...grieving. Bitter. Angry. So really, you do not have to...hold back about how you feel about it with me. I understand. I really do."

Only at that point did he stop and turn to make sure she was following.

[MARLENA CARTWRIGHT]

Marlena spent the rest of the class fcusing on the actual lecture despite knowing all of what she was saying anyways. She just needed something to distract her and calm her down so she could actually talk to Axel. Of course, she would probably get worked up again once they started talking again, but still. She would find a way to keep what little cool she had left.

She had stopped her almost-crying, but she sniffled again near the end of class when the professor went on about the final scene of the play, knowing that she would have most definitely cried if they were watching the actual play. Yes, Marlena Cartwright cried at Shakespearean tradgedies. That was just one of those things.

As soon as the class dismissed, she gathered all her things together, physical and metaphorical, and followed Axel out of the room. Of course she would walk with him. It probably wasn't a good idea since Wes could be around anywhere and see them together, but she wasn't going to leave him. No, that seemed to be impossible now. It wasn't even an option.

At one point she paused, mulling that over. No, it wasn't an option. She would tell him everything that happened that she had been trying to confine to her home for about a year now. She would not break down in front of him. And she would, under no circumstances, let him know what she was feeling at that moment. Partly because she really didn't know what it was herself, and partly because there were people around and if that word got out to Wes it would be awful and-

Oh, right. Following Axel. Sprinting a bit to catch up, she missed the first part of what he had said.

..."feels like. I do. At least...from my perspective, I do. When my father died...I was absolutely devastated. It has been over two years, and I still am. I am still...grieving. Bitter. Angry. So really, you do not have to...hold back about how you feel about it with me. I understand. I really do."

Oh dear, how was she going to respond without making a fool out of herself? She found she wasn't becoming scatter-brained like earlier, this time it was an actual loss for words. But when he turned around, she knew what she was going to say almost after she said , almost breathlessly from her previously quickened pace.

"Do you?"

It wasn't meant to sound like an inquiry, more a rhetorical question. She was a bit torn on whether or not to continue, speaking in a monotone to avoid any emotional breakdowns.

"What I mean is... I saw it. I saw him, lying there, and his murderer..." She couldn't help the fact that her voice cracked at the end. That was to be expected. But she regained composure and continued on. "I just can't get over it and leave him behind, you know? Everybody says to move on and remember him as he was, but I can't. I can only remember that one scene and-"

She broke off purposefuly this time, realizing she was going on and on like she was raving mad. An apologetic expression appeared on her face. Marlena hope she didn't offend Axel with any of what she had just said.

[JULIAN SORENSEN]

As Axel's eyes lighted on Marlena following close behind him, he found that he was actually rather relieved that she had come after him at all. Talking to the air about something like this was distinctively unappealing. He already felt like nobody heard him most of the time, anyway.

It was one of those things about being raised in a wealthy family. His parents were just...busy. Even though his father always made time for him and his mother had always loved him, Axel had quickly learned, if not simply interpreted, that they didn't have time for his every issue. Even when he had been more outgoing in nature, less moody, less dour, he had never, ever been known to complain. Not a single one of his past friends would have accused him of that. Even when his father died, the singlemost distressing experience of his life, he never used it as an excuse.

Don't complain. Keep your head down. Everything will be fine.

As she spoke, he reflected that perhaps he should have just kept his damn mouth shut, as was policy.

"Do you?"

Did he?

Probably not. He'd been stupid to say that. Stupid, stupid. Axel wasn't one to rag on himself too viciously, but he was doing just that now, scolding himself for every mistake. He didn't know what it was about Marlena that made him suddenly care about his effects on other people, but right now, he did. He cared about what she thought of him.

And here he was making assumptions about things he knew nothing of.

"What I mean is... I saw it. I saw him, lying there, and his murderer..."

Axel looked away. Fucking idiot. Stupid. Stupid.

"I just can't get over it and leave him behind, you know? Everybody says to move on and remember him as he was, but I can't. I can only remember that one scene and-"

Axel Vestergaard was not very good at being reassuring, but damned if the apologetic smile she gave him didn't make him want to try.

"I know," he said, and his voice was softer now, as if he'd been put in his place. "And neither can I. It was...foolish of me to say I understood. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...belittle your problems or..." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He was losing his cool, something that very rarely happened, and he hated it.

"I should just...shut up about this, shouldn't I?" He looked over at her and attempted a small, sheepish smile that neither parted his lips nor reached his dark, melancholy eyes.

[MARLENA CARTWRIGHT]

As she was babbling on as on, she sensed that maybe she just did the thing she really didn't want to do, which was make him feel bad. He didn't have to feel bad. That was her job. Why had she even started on this subject? Gah, this was so frustrating. A subject change needed to happen soon, please.

So much for first impressions.

Marlena didn't want to come off like she thought she was. To anyone really, but especially not Axel. Well, first impressions were almost always wrong, right? She had read A Series of Unfortunate Events all those years ago.

"I know," he said, and his voice was softer now, as if he'd been put in his place. "And neither can I. It was...foolish of me to say I understood. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...belittle your problems or..."

"No!" Her voice was loud and a bit shrill. "I mean, I'm sorry. It wasn't you fault. It was me. I shouldn't have brought it up." Had that been said already? Oh well.

"I should just...shut up about this, shouldn't I?"

"Uh, yeah, me too. I..guess?" Oh, look at that... smile? It was kind of adorable, so she realy didn't notice that it wasn't really a true smile. Oh, what had they been talking about before? Maybe she could bring that up so she didn't look like a total failure...

"So, uhm. What do you do... in your free time?" Well, that wasn't a weird question at all. But it was a subject change all the same, and hopefully a change for the better.