Forgive Me, Father [Open]

[JULIAN SORENSEN]

Julian was not religious.

He used to be. He was raised mildly religious by his father: to believe in God, in Christianity, in all that sort of thing, though their attendance at church could be a little...lax. Christer had never been particularly strict about religion, but he had instilled in Julian the values of Christianity, for the sake, he had said, of his morality.

A lot of good that was doing him now, anyway.

Julian had lost his faith the day his father died.

He sat in one of the pews of St. Mary's, wondering why he was there, why he even felt the need to show his face at a place so full of lies and false hope. Once upon a time, Julian had liked going to church. It was boring, but kind of fun at the same time -- he had always been an attentive child who could actually listen to the sermons. Now, he wouldn't be caught dead at a church service. Why should he go to one when he had broken that thing in him that allowed him to believe so blindly?

False hope, false hope, all of it was just false hope. And he didn't care for it.

He leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. He'd come here on a whim. The depression that had been building inside of him for so long was crushing him, crushing him, and fuck, it just...it hurt. It hurt hating everything, not believing in anything, not caring. The part of him that wanted to be happy felt guilty for wanting that, felt that he should remain angry and bereft until his father's death was avenged. It was...it was his duty, after all, as Christer's only son. It was his duty!

But what his duty or his happiness more important?

He was stubborn. He didn't want to forget, like everyone wanted him to. He didn't want to forgive, and let Xenius get away with what was surely the murder of the most important person in Julian's life. He didn't want to stop being sad, no matter what his mother said he should do.

Not even for her sake would he fake a smile. But at the same time...it hurt. It all hurt so much, and it was heavy, heavy, heavy.

So he sat in the church and he stared at the religious icons and he wondered to himself why he had come. He could never get his faith back. What had he been seeking here? Happiness? Comfort? Solitude? He certainly had enough of the latter to suit his fancy -- he could always find some.

Still, there was something calming about the church, something that reminded him of his childhood. It quieted his head a little bit.

[JULIUS FORTESCUE]

It was a difficult job, Father Julius Fortescue had cast upon himself. No, that the Lord had cast upon him! He had thrown Julius into this land of sodomites and whores, of filth and degregation! The Lord tested him, and his sweet little brother every day! The Lord tested them all. And, so often, far more often than Julius's God fearing heart could bare, people did not live up to the test. They'd slip into the sin of disblief, and block the Alimighty from their hearts. They would call themselves Atheist. Julius would call them damned.

But their were others! Others who gave the young Priest hope for humanity. Those who would fight for their faith, who would try to find solace in the warm, loving, glow of of He. Many did not realize that was what they were seeking, of course. Liberal minded views whispered evils in their ear that it was okay to be faithless, and they grew stagnant in their own indecision. But the hunger for faith was strong in mankind. Julius believed this, for he felt it in every fiber of his being. Why, in his piercing blue eyes, Julius felt that for every twenty heathens he allow pass through those doors, if he gave one- JUST ONE- of those people a renewed sense of faith, he was truly doing the Lord's work.

And here was one of those lost souls, seeking the comfort! Julius of course had not spoken to the boy, not yet, so there was no way to be absolutely sure. Yet, Julius had been doing this for a few years. He knew that forlorn face, that sad glint resting in his eyes. He yearned for comfort, yet would not allow himself to seek it. Pride, one of the deadly seven. It was a shame there was not a proper reverent fear for them anymore. Yet, Julius was sure those who lived by the path of wickedness would burn in hell. The only way to rid oneself of the sins was to dedicate yourself to the seven Heavenly Graces.

Strolling over, Julius sat next to the young man, looking forward casually. He was a pallid man. Though he'd be thirty in only a few short years, he was handsome, with neat blond hair, broad shoulders, and a sharp chin. His long, elegant, fingers folded together, enjoying the placid air of the church. "What troubles you, my child?" Julius inquired softly, though the faint accent cut through the otherwise silent church.

[JULIAN SORENSEN]

Julian had been expecting to sit alone in the church for a while, stare at the idols, somehow settle his racing mind, and then go home. He had a lot of studying to do, and a whole great paper that was due in a week, and...damn, why did he even care? What did he care about school, about his future? He didn’t even care about living anymore. He hated everything. Well...almost everything. There was Marlena.

Marlena.

God, she was just...so beautiful. It wasn’t fair. She made things a little...happier, a little brighter. Part of him loved that, yearned for that, would give anything to have that, but another part of him felt that being happy would somehow make him unfaithful to his father’s memory, betray him, let him down. He had sworn to find out the true source of Christer’s death and bring it/him/her/them to justice. He had sworn. It was his...his duty, he had to...

Ugh.

Running a hand through his blonde hair, he sank back against the pew and stared at the ceiling for a good few minutes before a voice started him out of his daze.

"What troubles you, my child?"

The voice was soft, faintly accented, though not with a Danish accent. More...French? Was it French? It was hard to tell with so few words.

Julian lifted his head, letting his gray-blue eyes fall on the handsome figure of the young priest who had just taken a seat beside him. Rather young for a member of the clergy, certainly...but clearly, he knew what he was doing, what with the easy air with which he had approached Julian and taken the seat beside him. Julian hadn’t even noticed him sit down – he had been looking at the ceiling, distracted with his own thoughts.

He pursed his lips, considering a response. The man had probably seen that he was distressed and come over to see what he could do – that was kind of him. Either that, or he was just on a mission to convert another lost soul or...whatever it was priests did. He had lost interest around age seven.

Regardless, if that was the man’s angle, he was barking up the wrong tree. Julian was absolutely certain he would never get his faith back again.

Still, best to be polite, seeing as the priest did go out of his way to speak to him.

“I’ve, um...it’s...it’s complicated,” he managed, his Danish accent sharpening his d’s. “Very...complicated.”

Eloquent, Julian. Eloquent.

[JULIUS FORTESCUE]

Because Julius was a priest, it was generally perceived that he was naive to the evils of the world. That he believed the best of people, and always had faith in them. But this was not the case. Quite the contrary. Because he was a priest, Julius was probably best equipped to deal with the evils, and the least likely to be shocked by them. His weapon was the word of God, and his shield was the Holy Bible. So he was not surprised when this youth attempted to brush him off, nor was he deterred.

"It so often is, my child, it so often is." Julius nodded slowly. The lives of children had grown to be so complicated. Had Julius, by way of his choice to live a righteous life, segway these complications? Was Alexander to submit to these miscarriages of faith on such a regular basis? Julius would have to be sure to council the younger Fortescue when they saw each other next. But for now this boy was in need, and Julius would attempt with all his might to help him.

With a grave breath that was beyond his years, Julius considered allowed. "It seems often that people discover a solution when they think they are least likely too. It becomes clear to them that the end is still far, far off, but that the hardest and most complicated part was only just the beginning." Julius ought to know, after all. He had spent near two years officially advising the faithful but distraught. "What I mean, my child, is that merely beginning to address the problem is the thing standing in most peoples way upon solving their troubles. I am an impartial source, am I not? The best case scenario is that I- perhaps- may have advice that would be of use to you. The worst case is that you leave this church with a lighter heart for having had released a bit."

Julius was good at sounding reasonable, most certainly. It would perhaps be seen as odd or strange that he was not speaking of the Lord God, quoting His scripture, attempting to convert this lad to a wholesome and Holy lifestyle. All in good time. It was far better to gain the confidence of people, to show them how sound the lord makes you, before one begins directing their life on the righteous path.