weep not for me - jet

[VICTORIA ROMENZ]

Victoria was supposedly drunk. Okay, she was drunk. No way around it really. She could barely walk. She laid down and the room was spinning. The worst part was she wanted to cry. How pathetic was that? She seriously thought that she was drinking cider? She was such a terrible excuse for a human being. Not to mention a daughter. Could her father see her right now? Wasted beyond all moral decency. He was probably rolling in his grave. But he wasn’t even in a grave. They still were running tests. Couldn’t they just bury him and give her and his family some closure. She had seen his body. She’d stood strong and watch them carry it away in that black bag after she confirmed it was him. Something her aunt could have done if she didn’t take a week to finally answer her phone. The cold lifeless face of his wasn’t much of a change really. That’s when Victoria realized, he’d died a long time ago with her mother.

“It was an honest mistake really,” Anastasia said looking at the empty bottle of alcohol and then at Victoria. “Both of those things.”

“Shut up.” Victoria spat. She hated Anastasia for trying to be a beacon of hope of some shit like that. The one thing Victoria didn’t regret was that she was finally feeling. Being numb for nearly a week was the worst thing she could have ever experienced. Even her aunt broke down finally, moaning about how she should have been there for him. Victoria just coldly comforted her, not shedding a tear.

Crying wasn’t something she did. Ever really. Even when she thought about her mother or missed her father at school. Her friends teased her saying that her tears could probably cure cancer or something. It was something she just laughed at. She was taught not to cry ever. Especially not in front of people. But here she was, three sheets to the wind wanting to do nothing more than just die. If there was an afterlife, she’d be able to see her mother and father. If there wasn’t, who would cry at her funeral? Maybe a few of her friends but they’d move on. No one really would be affected. No one really cared.

“What about Jet?”

“We’re not even friends,” Victoria grumbled pushing back Anastasia’s positive thoughts once more.

“Then why is he coming over?”

“I don’t know.” That was a mystery in and of itself. Just a chance meeting with the star football player a year ago had her mind reeling. He set her on edge and hit all the right pressure points just enough for her to hate him yet...

Speak of the devil, she thought. “It’s open!” she yelled to the knock. Victoria had managed to unlock the door before she was too incapacitated to actually walk straight. That happened soon after. Now she was just barely able to sit up.
“I’m in here.”

pjs!

[VICTORIA ROMENZ]

When the non-friend guy named after an airplane appeared in the doorway, Victoria couldn’t help but smile and laugh a little. It was a genuine smile even if a bit silly looking because of her current state. Something about him made Victoria and Anna happy. (For some reason the princess preferred a nickname. Victoria didn’t understand why.) They both didn’t feel alone anymore.

“Hey, I got some frozen pizzas and movies,”

His eyes were so sweet yet she could tell he was also wondering why he was here. She decided to skip the question entirely and move on to just hanging out. “Are they Dig-di-g,” she paused and made a dramatic huff. This slurring was making herself look like a fool. She crossed her arms and then smiled again after she looked back up at him. “Thank you. Wheeere should we watch the movies?” she asked. They could watch it in her room because it had a TV but she realized sitting in her bed could be weird for him. So she got up. The floor wobbled a bit but she managed to take a few steps before leaning against what she thought was the doorway but when she looked it was Jet.

“OH, um, sssorry. I’ll just sssit.” Victoria felt her cheeks get red and slid to the ground sitting on the hard wood floor cross-legged. She didn’t look up when the next words came out of her mouth. “Diid you know, I’m an orphan? It’ssss sad but I should be saaad tooo. Instead I felt nothiiiing, liiike I didn’t care.” She looked up at him with a frown and continued. “But I do, I doo care.” Victoria sighed knowing he wouldn’t understand. Not many people did besides Anna. The girl was an orphan too. Her family murdered because of their title. Even Anna barely remembered her parents. Victoria’s parents could be clearly envisioned in her head. Her mother looking at her in the eyes right before she let go and got yanked into the water. Her father’s cold face as he lay lifeless on the metal table. Even seeing them she couldn’t get that feeling like she had before. It was a terrible thing to feel but nothingness was worse.

She shook her head. “Ssssorry, I shouldn’t have ssaaid that,” Victoria whispered. “We can watch the movies in the living room.”

[VICTORIA ROMENZ]

Victoria sat on the cold wood floor and watched everything blur in and out. She was quite the lightweight... Was that what it was called? Something about drinking made her uneasy so she never joined her guy friends when they wanted to sneak some beer into their dorm and have a drunk gaming session. She didn’t like the thought of not being in control. It irked her when people embarrassed themselves while drunk. They just looked pathetic
Now here she was swapping life stories with a guy she barely knew yet was somehow attracted to in the most curious way. How complicated her life had become in just a few short months. She was finally getting to her lowest low. The worst part was she kind of liked the feeling of drunkenness now that she was experiencing it. It wasn’t too bad and she didn’t feel like a black empty pit.

“I don’t have a mother,” his voice was quite—she wasn’t someone Jet liked to talk about. “My parents got a divorce when I was little, and few years later she died of a heroin overdose. I only have a few memories of her, and in all of them she’s high,”

Victoria looked up at Jet and her mouth twitched. Her eyes filled with sorrow and guilt. She bit her lip and took a deep breath. She couldn’t cry. Not for herself or for him. Somehow she felt mostly for him. She knew what a motherless life was and frankly it was hell. She wouldn’t wish it on anyone. “My mother drowned sssaving me from a Jersey rip tide when I was young. My f-father never got over it. If he hadn’t been m-murdered, he might have taken his own life eventually.” What a terrible thing to say but sadly true. Her father used to preach about family and pride in your roots but where was he when she needed him the last few years? Working, not picking up calls or answering emails. Victoria should have noticed something was wrong but she was too busy being caught up in her own anger towards the man.

Victoria stood up leaning heavily against Jet for support. He was strong and surprisingly warm She smiled when he mentioned Anya. She had accidentally let something slip on the chat earlier. Anya wasn’t to happy about that but luckily Jet was the only one really reading. “Anastasia sounds nice,” she said softly as they walked to her couch. She flopped less than gracefully on the couch and curled up. It was kinda cold in this dang apartment. Her aunt probably didn’t want to pay any bills before she sold the place. The lady wasn’t exactly a saint. Victoria didn’t even know about her until the police contacted her because she was in her dad’s will. Victoria didn’t bother to inquire about her father and aunt’s relationship. The woman seemed cold and calculating when not crying her eyes out. Victoria wondered if she would be that way. Cold and alone?

She let the thoughts run through her mind as she watch Jet fiddle with the DVD player. Anya seemed to be tampering with her thoughts because Victoria actually kind of liked the guy. The egotistical football player Jet looked softer and more kind than she thought he was. Maybe it was the booze speaking. She frowned slightly when Jet sat away from her like she had the flu or something. The goosebumps on her arms instantly made her seek for warm. She scooted up next to Jet and leaned against him again and got comfortable. When his eyes met hers, she bluntly stated, “I’m cold,” and went back to watching the movie.

.