MAN LESSONS (Jet, Jay? any other younger guys)

[SOREN SOMERSETT]

It was time to teach these damn kids something valuable. Seriously. Soren could go on for hours and hours about the things he fucking hated about high schools. First of all, why the fuck did they make you learn calculus? “You’re totally gonna use all this math after high school,” all the teachers had said, and you know what? Soren had been done with high school for almost three years now, and he had not once used calculus. Not fucking once. He didn’t even remember a single thing he’d learned in that class senior year, and guess what? His life was perfectly fine right now. He was fucking killing in the classes for his German major right now, no calculus needed. So yeah. Bottom line, younger guys were deprived.

But Soren was going to change that. He was going to educate today’s youth, fair and square. He was going to educate these kids so hard, they wouldn’t know what hit them.

”Welcome, welcome,” he announced, pacing back and forth across the quad in front of a bench. ”Ready to learn some college shit?” He winked dangerously. This was going to be fun.

”So this here, this is the quad.” He gestured to the grassy quad surrounding him. ”Now, you’re probably asking yourself ‘Self, what is a quad?’ Good question.” Soren dug a toe into the ground, kicking up a patch of soil. ”See this here? This is soil. Now, you may think soil is some dirty thing that farmers grow shit in and worms crap all over. But you’re wrong. This soil…” He grinned slyly. ”This soil is man soil.”

Soren spit into the glob of dirt, quickly fashioning it into a long ribbon. “This is how a man can use this soil to artfully construct a penis.” He then rolled the soil into a ball, chucking it hard into the nearest wall, where it splattered into an array of black particles. ”And that, my friends, is how a man utilizes soil as a weapon. Effective replacement for pepper spray, I might add. Because, well, pepper spray.” He rolled his eyes. ”Real men don’t need pepper spray.”

”So, any questions?” Soren’s head was already revving up for the next part of the tour: his man-cave. God, he was so proud of his man-cave.
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_{Wordz: 422
Inspiration: MULAN SONGZ
Tagz: Jet and possibly chandler?
Statuz: COMPLETE
Creditz: Lyrics from Mulan. Template by Monica. DON’T BE STEALIN’, YA HEAR?}[/size][/blockquote][/sub][/i]

[CHANDLER ANTRIM]

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Chandler wasn't entirely sure what pulled him to Soren, but the guy was pretty kickass and seemed to know all the things that made girls(wait, didn't Soren call them 'bitches?') weak at the knees. Honestly, Chandler wasn't the brightest crayon in the box when it came to academics and that seemed to bleed over to his ability to convey his inner-desires to the opposite gender. Erasing all side-notes about him being poor and highly in need of vital things such as a phone, a car, and a job(stealing didn't really count as a job and was far to risky in Chandler's opinion) However, Soren seemed to hold all the keys, which Chandler would not argue with in the least bit... In fact, he was determined to be as close to Soren's personality as he could. If that meant changing a few things, well in his mind sacrifice was the only way to succeed.

Soren had decided to hold a sort of seminary for proper 'Man Lessons.' Chandler thought he knew what it meant to be a man, but Soren was older and had a much wider knowledge pool. Chandler simply obeyed the demands of the older male by showing up at Barrie University. He gave specific details of the location, yet was majorly vague of what exactly he'd be 'teaching.' Chandler decided to be a few minutes early to the campus simply because he didn't have the luxury of a car or money to pay a cab... No, he had to ride a bike from Baum to Barrie. He definitely would hide that fact and play it off as if he took a cab... The extra time gave he plenty of time to dry off and catch his breath as he made himself cozy on the bench that they were supposed to all meet at.

As Chandler twiddled his thumbs for what seemed like eternity, Soren finally arrived. The guy was larger than Chandler anticipated because the guy looked really buff... Yeah, Chandler needed to work a little harder on his physique. For a brief quiet moment, Chandler looked over Soren as if studying the guy, which he was technically supposed to be doing. They had the same darker skin tone and black hair... Hell, they even had both their ears pierced. The moment was broken by Soren's badass voice as did a brief welcome before jumping right into the jist of things.

the guy had barely spoke a full four sentences before Chandler knew that he would do whatever it took to be confident and boisterous as Soren was. This want only increased as the words spewed from Soren's mouth about the quad... and even dirt. He demonstrated the fine artwork of a dirt penis and how dirt was just as effective as pepper spray...if not more effective.

Then came question time... Luckily, Chandler was more of a visual learner, so questions weren't really his style... but he did want to formally introduce himself. "Not really a question, but... Yeah, the name is Jay. So, uhmm... yeah. Continue..." He had to bite his tongue to prevent anymore damage or embarrassment as he felt his cheeks blaze a bright rose color. Dammit, he was an idiot.


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WORDS:0544
TAG:Soren & Jet & ...Others?
NOTES: Man Lessons... fuck yeah!

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[SOREN SOMERSETT]

They were about ten minutes into their Man Lessons, and they were going super swell-ly already. Seriously. He was going to kick ass at this teaching shit. He began to lead the small group down the road towards his apartment, figuring he’d just answer any questions as they went along. Though he doubted that anyone would have anything, considering the sheer amount of ass that Soren was sure his Man Lessons were kicking. He was pretty sure he hadn’t left out anything important.

“Watch this, bro!” he mumbled before turned to the chick. He let out a low whistle “Damn baby! Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to walk by again?”

Soren laughed. Man, he loved this kid. Only a club soccer player, but you know what? This kid had passion. And heart. And that was all you needed to be a cool bro, in Soren’s mind. ”Just like that, man, just like that.” He extended his fist for a manly fist-pound. ”This here’s how men congratulate each other,” he added for effect. ”Seven out of ten, man, not bad at all for a first timer. Next time I wanna see a little less formality, maybe a little more carelessness? Little less big and macho. You’re gonna wanna pull that out later, in bed. Element of surprise, you know.” He winked slyly. ”Now, watch a master at work.” He walked up to a girl sitting on an adjacent bench, grinning broadly and adopting his most seductive, yet jovial façade. ”Yo girl, is your daddy a baker? ‘Cause damn, you got a nice set of buns.” He chuckled, turning to continue on his merry way.

“Not really a question, but... Yeah, the name is Jay. So, uhmm... yeah. Continue…”

Huh? Soren forgot the name the instant he heard it, as usual, dubbing him “Hair Dude”. ”Uh, yo, man, what’s up? Soren Somersett, if you didn’t, you know, already know.” He grinned at Jet, who was already raising his hand for another question. ”Sup, Jet?”

“Dude, dude, I got a question for you. When we gonna learn ‘bout chicks, yo? I need to learn how to get them to come home with me at night.”

Soren had to bite his lip to keep from bursting out laughing. Jet, you sick bastard, he thought to himself. Still, he kept a straight face. What a kid, man, what a fucking kid. ”Well, dude, how ‘bout we do some chick practice right now?” Chuckling again, he ran ahead a bit, then turned to face them. ”Alright, now, pretend I’m a girl with a pair of huge bazoongas. And uh…” What in fuck’s name had Hair Dude said his name was? JAY. Jay. That was it. Okay. ”Jay, you’re gonna try to woo me, okay? And Jet, you’re gonna be the wingman.” Soren winked. This was gonna be so much fun. ”Well, what’re we waiting for? Seduce me!”
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_{Wordz: 489
Inspiration: MULAN SONGZ
Tagz: Jet and possibly chandler?
Statuz: COMPLETE
Creditz: Lyrics from Mulan. Template by Monica. DON’T BE STEALIN’, YA HEAR?}[/size][/blockquote][/sub][/i]

[CHANDLER ANTRIM]

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Chandler actually thought the man lessons were serious... sort of, but with the way both Soren and Jet were acting he knew that it was all a joke. He felt uneasy about everything now. Being with these two was cool since they were way older than him, but he tended to avoid guys that acted like asshats in public. Aside from his group of guy friends, he really never enjoyed... Was Soren really explaining a fist bump? Wait, were these two actually using the shitty pickup lines-- Chandler's brow quirked as he realized that the 'shitty pickup lines' were working, yet they were horrible. In a moment of shock, he felt that he had to introduce himself to the two guys. Whenever he did that though... Well, he showed just how nervous he was.

Chandler inwardly sighed whenever Soren introduced himself, but wore the expression that he was just being formal. Well, Soren was in college, which meant that Chandler was just as important as a piece of dust in the wind. His name probably lost in Soren's mind as Jet asked about getting chicks to come home with him. A faint blush rose on Chandler's cheeks as his eyes grew wide while he looked between Soren and Jet. Did Chandler really want to learn how to be a complete man-slut or were these-- Where was Soren.. Oh. Chandler felt the blush fading as Soren described himself as a big breasted female. Yeah, because that was completely-- Then, Soren shouted his name.

Chandler licked his lips as his mouth hung open as Soren instructed him to woo, while Jet was his... what the hell was a wing-man? Chandler's features showed just how confused he was as he eyed Jet, then looked back at Soren who seemed to be enjoying this too much. "Right...Woo." He mumbled as he looked to the ground as if searching for some hint on how to woo a girl who was actually a guy pretending to be a girl. Shaking his head, Chandler took his hand and ran it through his hair as he made his way towards Soren. When he got to Soren, he looked up wearing a devious smirk, " Hey. You work at Subway right?" He paused to look back at Jet, "Cause baby, you just gave me a foot-long." He shot pretend girl Soren a wink.

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WORDS:0000
TAG:Soren & Jet & ...Others?
NOTES: Man Lessons... fuck yeah!

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