Post by ALEXANDER FORTESCUE on Aug 1, 2012 23:05:53 GMT -5
What was he even doing with his life anymore?
He was hardly ever in class. He didn't do his homework, didn't take tests. He didn't have any desire to do anything. Alex just didn't care about his life anymore.
He had even considered trying to end it.
But no, no, that was a stupid idea. Stupid, stupid idea. He couldn't do that, that wasn't like him, wasn't like him to just up and off himself. No way. If he was going to die by his own hand, then he was going to drink himself to death, or OD on something. Make it look like an accident. That was what he had to do. That was what he WOULD do.
He was eighteen now -- eighteen and his own person. And now he didn't even have Julius controlling his every action, twisting his arm behind his back, and it just made him feel even more lost. When Julius had been in control, at least he'd known that someone was, that he could throw everything away and that Julius would be there to catch him again.
Not so anymore.
He was in English class that day, strongly considering just going to the bathroom and pretending to be sick so he could go home, skip the rest of this miserable day because what was the point? He didn't care if he graduated or went to college. He didn't care about anything anymore. He'd trusted someone and that person had run the fuck off on him, and that wasn't something he could forgive himself for -- trusting.
Trusting that Max would stay when he should have known that he wouldn't.
He had raised himself with the idea that people weren't very trustworthy. His foster families hadn't trusted him much. He hadn't had much of a stable trustworthy figure since Julius had started being... well, Julius. (Except that Julius had never started, he had always been like that, it was Alex that had changed...) So the fact that he had given himself up so...fucking easily to that street rat...
Well, he shouldn't have been surprised that Max dropped him. That was probably his game.
He'd probably never loved Alex at all.
Alex sighed. He wasn't listening to what the teacher was saying, he was just sitting there with his head on his desk, doodling boring little lopsided doodles in the margins of his notebook.
Nothing really mattered much at all.
He was hardly ever in class. He didn't do his homework, didn't take tests. He didn't have any desire to do anything. Alex just didn't care about his life anymore.
He had even considered trying to end it.
But no, no, that was a stupid idea. Stupid, stupid idea. He couldn't do that, that wasn't like him, wasn't like him to just up and off himself. No way. If he was going to die by his own hand, then he was going to drink himself to death, or OD on something. Make it look like an accident. That was what he had to do. That was what he WOULD do.
He was eighteen now -- eighteen and his own person. And now he didn't even have Julius controlling his every action, twisting his arm behind his back, and it just made him feel even more lost. When Julius had been in control, at least he'd known that someone was, that he could throw everything away and that Julius would be there to catch him again.
Not so anymore.
He was in English class that day, strongly considering just going to the bathroom and pretending to be sick so he could go home, skip the rest of this miserable day because what was the point? He didn't care if he graduated or went to college. He didn't care about anything anymore. He'd trusted someone and that person had run the fuck off on him, and that wasn't something he could forgive himself for -- trusting.
Trusting that Max would stay when he should have known that he wouldn't.
He had raised himself with the idea that people weren't very trustworthy. His foster families hadn't trusted him much. He hadn't had much of a stable trustworthy figure since Julius had started being... well, Julius. (Except that Julius had never started, he had always been like that, it was Alex that had changed...) So the fact that he had given himself up so...fucking easily to that street rat...
Well, he shouldn't have been surprised that Max dropped him. That was probably his game.
He'd probably never loved Alex at all.
Alex sighed. He wasn't listening to what the teacher was saying, he was just sitting there with his head on his desk, doodling boring little lopsided doodles in the margins of his notebook.
Nothing really mattered much at all.
