Post by ZACK CHARMING on Jul 16, 2011 1:26:24 GMT -5
Chapter One
Reactions: I'll admit, I'm a bit hazy on this chapter, as the utter resplendency and grandeur of this author's writing may simply be too sophisticated for my subservient little mind to comprehend. Perhaps one day, after decades of rigorous study, I too shall match half, nay, a quarter of this exceptionally phenomenal prodigy's prowess in the formidable arts of rhetoric, vocabulary, spelling, and punctuation. But in the meantime, I can only hope to wallow at the feet of this masterpiece in the world of literature, bowing my lowly head as I read. For My Immortal, truly, is a work of genius.
Side Note: The author of this unfathomable lexicon does not seem to be credited. Since I have neither the time nor the inclination to scour the internet for it, I am instead going to christen the author with a name of my own making. Congratulations, author, you are now Consuela.
Summary: A quite eventful and intellectually stimulating chapter. The literary embodiment of all things perfect in the world begins with the fascinating sentence “Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!).” Notice that Consuela has managed to convey so many brilliant ideas with absolutely no punctuation. I am in awe of your genius, Miss. Consuela.
In the rest of the chapter the reader is treated to a plethora of absolutely riveting facts: our protagonist wishes beyond all reason that she were related to Gerard Way, presumably so as to bone the “major fucking hottie” more easily. A brilliant strategem! In addition, Miss Ebony is a vampire-witch-schoolgirl-goth who dresses in black, as opposed to other Goths who dress in purple with bright pink neon polka dots. Ebony is also a weather forecaster, since as she traverses the grounds she cleverly deduces that it is both raining and snowing at the same time. With no sun. Goodness gracious, my penis has never been so hard.
And then…A LOVE INTEREST! (Insert sharp intake of breath and ominous John Williams music here). And it gets better: this love interest is none other than Draco Malfoy himself. “What’s up Draco?” I asked. “Nothing.” he said shyly. What a thrillingly appropriate passage; after all, if there’s one thing for which Draco Malfoy is infamous, it’s his shy and friendly demeanor.
And then her friends pull her away. Since no information has been provided about these “friends” of Ebony’s, we can only assume that they are, in fact, undercover vampires out to DESTROY HER, and, more pertinently, DISCREDIT HER INFALLIABLE METEOROLOGICAL INFERENCES. (Insert sharp intake of breath and ominous John Williams music here). A CLIFFHANGER ENDING!
Will Ebony be able to salvage her reputation as genius precipatory forecaster before it’s too late? Will she be able to escape from these “friends” before her “witchcraft” is exposed and she is burned at the stake? (Having not been given a time period or any frame of reference, I’ve arbitrarily decided that this story takes place in the year 1692, the year of the Salem Witch Trials.) Will she be able to win the ever-so-amiable Draco Malfoy’s heart? And most important of all, WHICH GOTHIC OUTFIT WILL SHE WEAR TOMORROW? To find out, stay tuned for the next installment of Zack Charming Reads My Immortal!
Notably Brilliant Lines:
“I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about.”
“A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.” (Man, I wasn’t kidding about my penis.)
Notably Sexual Line:
“If u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!”
Reactions: I'll admit, I'm a bit hazy on this chapter, as the utter resplendency and grandeur of this author's writing may simply be too sophisticated for my subservient little mind to comprehend. Perhaps one day, after decades of rigorous study, I too shall match half, nay, a quarter of this exceptionally phenomenal prodigy's prowess in the formidable arts of rhetoric, vocabulary, spelling, and punctuation. But in the meantime, I can only hope to wallow at the feet of this masterpiece in the world of literature, bowing my lowly head as I read. For My Immortal, truly, is a work of genius.
Side Note: The author of this unfathomable lexicon does not seem to be credited. Since I have neither the time nor the inclination to scour the internet for it, I am instead going to christen the author with a name of my own making. Congratulations, author, you are now Consuela.
Summary: A quite eventful and intellectually stimulating chapter. The literary embodiment of all things perfect in the world begins with the fascinating sentence “Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!).” Notice that Consuela has managed to convey so many brilliant ideas with absolutely no punctuation. I am in awe of your genius, Miss. Consuela.
In the rest of the chapter the reader is treated to a plethora of absolutely riveting facts: our protagonist wishes beyond all reason that she were related to Gerard Way, presumably so as to bone the “major fucking hottie” more easily. A brilliant strategem! In addition, Miss Ebony is a vampire-witch-schoolgirl-goth who dresses in black, as opposed to other Goths who dress in purple with bright pink neon polka dots. Ebony is also a weather forecaster, since as she traverses the grounds she cleverly deduces that it is both raining and snowing at the same time. With no sun. Goodness gracious, my penis has never been so hard.
And then…A LOVE INTEREST! (Insert sharp intake of breath and ominous John Williams music here). And it gets better: this love interest is none other than Draco Malfoy himself. “What’s up Draco?” I asked. “Nothing.” he said shyly. What a thrillingly appropriate passage; after all, if there’s one thing for which Draco Malfoy is infamous, it’s his shy and friendly demeanor.
And then her friends pull her away. Since no information has been provided about these “friends” of Ebony’s, we can only assume that they are, in fact, undercover vampires out to DESTROY HER, and, more pertinently, DISCREDIT HER INFALLIABLE METEOROLOGICAL INFERENCES. (Insert sharp intake of breath and ominous John Williams music here). A CLIFFHANGER ENDING!
Will Ebony be able to salvage her reputation as genius precipatory forecaster before it’s too late? Will she be able to escape from these “friends” before her “witchcraft” is exposed and she is burned at the stake? (Having not been given a time period or any frame of reference, I’ve arbitrarily decided that this story takes place in the year 1692, the year of the Salem Witch Trials.) Will she be able to win the ever-so-amiable Draco Malfoy’s heart? And most important of all, WHICH GOTHIC OUTFIT WILL SHE WEAR TOMORROW? To find out, stay tuned for the next installment of Zack Charming Reads My Immortal!
Notably Brilliant Lines:
“I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about.”
“A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.” (Man, I wasn’t kidding about my penis.)
Notably Sexual Line:
“If u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!”
