now we're torn, torn, torn apart {JACKSON}

[NOVEMBER STARR]

So November had this little thing about self-pity. As in she took part in it. More than she would ever be willing to admit. And more. Every teenage girl had the right to some angst, and issues always sprung up in a person's home life. She wasn't abused, or at least not that she noticed. She'd heard neglect was a form of abuse, but she didn't really believe it. She was never exposed to drugs in her own home, though she knew her mother had some kind of hold in that world. It made her feel guilty to not like her home life when she had it so much better than some. Her dad wasn't overly violent, even if he'd occasionally been forceful. Even if he's shot someone, that someone had been sleeping with his wife... Was she delusional? She didn't really know. She doubted her sanity more every day.

She found it surprising how optimistic she was about her family until she said her story out loud. A home life should optimistically always feel like a normal thing. Everyone went through hard times, after all, and there wasn't a mentally sound person in the world who hadn't resented their parents at one point or another. This she was sure of. On this, she knew wasn't crazy. But wishful thinking tended to twist her childhood into an only slightly offbeat fairy tale.

Prince meets princess. They get married, become King and Queen, have a child. But the queen can't handle childbirth. The queen dies. So the king meets a new queen. But this one can't have kids. So she gets depressed, and goes off with the trolls in pubs and dark alleyways. Uses butterbeer and pixie dust to outweigh her depression. All she ever wanted was her own child, her own flesh and blood. She got an artificial, but she wants the real. Then she thinks she's in love with a troll, and she tries again, ignoring the storks who hate her so. The king slays the troll with steel, because that's what kings do, right? The queen has finally found a stork who likes her, but the king forces the stork's beak. The queen cries, the queen dies. The little princess of the first queen isn't little anymore. She finds the queen playing rope in the dungeons. She's too late. Turns out the stork did his job too well. The king hates the stork. Her hates the queen. He hates the princess. But most of all, he hates himself. He destroys his crown and lives depressingly ever after. But the princess escapes.

That wasn't how fairy tales were supposed to go. Death, loathing, and despair wasn't supposed to be a part of happily ever after. Cinderella wasn't supposed to fall down the stairs. Sleeping Beauty wasn't supposed to sleep forever. Poisoned Apples weren't supposed to be that potent. Then again, that was why she looked forward to these hot chocolate sessions with Jackson. He was one of the few people she could talk to about her life and drama. He'd heard about Thursday, in fact she wasn't even sure if Jackson asked her about it first, to make sure everything was okay, or not since she'd been Thursday's roommate and the rumors had been flying. She was fairly certain she'd punched a girl in the face in her science class a while back who'd been talking about him like he wasn't even a human being, but an attention-seeking pest who she wished had drowned anyways. She'd honestly felt blind with rage, and the next thing she knew she was sitting on top of the girl with a swelling lip, looking down at her split lip and broken nose. Needless to say, the rumors about Thursday fled pretty fast, replaced with rumors about November Starr's secret violent personality. She was grateful she'd taken the attention off of him, and never regretted it, but that didn't help her feel too much better about the whispering. That was when she completely stopped going to class. She couldn't trust herself. That was also when she decided she needed to talk to someone.

First she'd talked to Melissa. The Baum guidance counselor had helped her get past the anger, and past everything else to acceptance. But she was officially a guidance counselor, and as much as Nov looked at her as a friend and mentor, she couldn't shake the feeling of a teacher-student relationship quite yet. That was one of the initial reasons she'd started talking to Jackson. She'd talked to him in a chatroom, and they'd hit it off pretty quickly, in a friendly way. And he liked talking to her, too. Just to have someone to talk to that she wasn't worried felt obligated lifted so much more weight off of her shoulders. She loved when she could talk to people about serious things, and usually it didn't backfire because they confided in her as well. Even though after hearing about her family, most of her friendships started drifting apart. The girls especially seemed to get uncomfortable and leave the friendship with obvious hints at their discomfort. Maybe it was just the way November acted. Her awkwardness often got in the way of friendships. Or the way she told it. Lord knows she wasn't good as expressing herself. Then again, barely any of the girls had ever felt like genuine friends. It felt like they looked at her as a dumping ground, and maybe felt guilty after they finally got around to hearing her problems, or got tired of her? Whatever the case, Nov preferred her guyfriends over fake ones any day.

She hadn't bothered to change out of her pajamas that day. She'd only had a couple of online courses that day anyways, so she'd done nothing but sit on the computer and convince herself that she indeed was going to tell Jackson about her family. He was a wonderful guy, and they both had problems. She wasn't really sure how long she'd been supporting the whole Grace thing, but it felt like a long time. The girl had the perfect personality, could cook like a boss, and was freaking gorgeous to boot. Sometimes Nov wasn't exactly sure she was real, even though she'd seen the girl in real life. She seemed like the kind of girl that was waaay too good to be true. But Jackson liked her, and she liked Jackson, though in a different way, so she supported him still.

Her ugg boots slapped against the floor as she carried her owl mug, an owl pillow, and two bags of marshmallows (one mini, one giant) in the direction of Jackson's dorm. Anticipation ran through her bones, making them shake. She'd never worried about seeing Jackson before. They confided in each other. She knew it wasn't a one-way thing this time, and yet... November couldn't help but be worried. It was in her nature to worry. And in her genetics to overthink things and end in bad results. Stop that, she thought to herself. Overcoming your past is the whole reason you're doing this. You will not be trapped by what they did, she scolded, but was shocked out of another bout of cynical optimism as her arms suddenly hit something solid. She was at his door.

November took a shaky breath and smiled. She didn't have to let it get her down. It was Jackson. He was wonderful, he would understand. Before she could doubt herself any further, she opened the door, and her smile turned bright and genuine at the familiarity of it. "Hey, Jackson! Got the cocoa going yet?" she called, stepping inside and brandishing her owl accessories proudly.

WORDS! I'm sorry... 1283...
STATUS! COMPLETE
TAGS! JACKSON AND LE FEELS
NOTES! outfit be hurrrrr
INSPIRATION! Mumford & Sons + Of Monsters and Men
CREDITS! Template By arro @ Caution!
Pic By PIC CREDIT GOES HERE
LYRICS! "If You Can't Live Without Me,
Why Aren't You Dead Yet?" by Mayday Parade

[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[JACKSON HIRSCH]

Jackson Hirsch wasn't exactly who everyone thought he was, not really. Everyone thought he was just that cheeky class clown who hung out with those four other guys who were all just kind of weird. Typical jock, he played soccer and that's pretty much just how he got in. You could see him in the weightroom sometimes, doing his best to not get out of shape when the season was over. He was cool, and liked everyone, and got along pretty well. And that was no different with the ladies, he was quite the flirt and seemed to date someone new every week. Which was manwhorish, but it was okay, because the girls never said anything about it really. They didn't kiss and tell. Jackson Hirsch always smiled and it was a rarity to catch him in a bad mood, unless someone was messing with his friends.

But there was more to it than that.

Jackson tried to make everyone laugh so that he could laugh along with them and feel better. He actually wrote a pretty good essay to go along with his soccer skills to get in, and it took a while. He only did weightlifting because it was a way to get out frustrations. He did date, but it never got to where he felt comfortable having sex, and he never pushed, unlike some of his friends. And usually, they broke up with him. Girls he dated never felt... right. Like it wasn't real. Which, it probably wasn't, because there was only one girl he truly wished he could have, and not even in that sense, not really.

Maybe that was one part they were right about.

Grace Holladay was his best friend, one of two women he loved most in this world, the other being his mum. Both of them swore up and down that they were only friends and anything else suggested was ridiculous. One of them was lying, and anyone who know Grace Holladay would know that she would never lie, only avoid the question.

Jackson never thought about Grace that way when he was around her. He locked down on all his feelings of 'more-than-friends' and refused to think about that in case he lost control. Why didn't he just tell her? Just those few moments in the chatroom a few hours ago had made it awkward, could you imagine what actually having feelings for her would mean? He'd rather keep this up than lose her.

He also had a lot of built-up feelings about his father. While he knew it was necessary, he felt bad about leaving his mum so soon after she lost her husband. Alone, with no one to mourn. They never had many visitors, as they had no family in America and their neighbors were few and far between. So she was alone, without a phone. There was only the occasional letter from Jackson talking about his grades and how things were going academically, and that he loved her. She didn't need to know that he was holding in all of these feelings, and being just outwardly happy and cheeky while she didn't have that. Of course, she always wrote back saying that she was fine and he didn't need to worry, but it didn't help his conscience. She always said things like that when Jackson knew she was hurting.

Not even Hollie saw this side of him. Just the public side who always smiled and missed his mum though he was having fun. He wasn't even sure if she knew his dad had died.

Needless to say, the weightlifting wasn't enough of an outlet for all these feelings.

When he logged into the chat that night, he hadn't expected to find a better one. November Starr was a name he had heard maybe once before around Baum, but he knew her so much better now. They both had issues, well, everyone had issues, but they confided in each other and trusted each other. There wasn't anything else going on, of course, and Jackson would crush that rumour the first chance he got. It's just that it was nice to have someone to tell all these things to, someone he can be himself in front of. It was weird, because he had just sort of met her online, but what was done was done, and she already knew things Jackson couldn't bear to tell anyone else.

Which was why he was preparing the hot chocolate. He didn't exactly have a coffee maker, so he was just heating up a pot of milk on the stove (hot chocolate never tasted good with water to him) and had his instant hot choclate packets ready. Sure, it wasn't a lot, but it was enough. He was a bit out of it, though. He had a long day. So he didn't even realize anything was wrong when a bit of hot water got on his torso and hurt, so he dried it off quickly. Nope, nothing was up. Jackson didn't realize he didn't have a shirt on, only pajama pants.

He turned the heat down as he heard November walk in, no doubt in an owl themed outfit. He didn't get it, but maybe it was just because owls were wise and so was she. Yes, he was sure he had chosen the right confidant. "It's ready right now," he said.

[/justify]