Just So You Know...{Cleo}

[SCOTT PARKER]

Scott had been freaking himself out all day. There was one thing on his mind and one thing only. His name was Gideon Glass and Scott could absolutely not get him out of his head. That one night they'd spent together, not even doing anything much, just sharing a spontaneous kiss and a bit more, well, had changed Scott. It had made him feel like he was worth so much more than he had previously thought. Like he had the potential to be so much happier than he had ever imagined. It had been enough to give Scott a jump start and give him the confidence to kick the slump he'd been in ever since Dan had moved away. It was enough to show Scott that he didn't have to waste his days away worrying about some straight guy who never could have liked him back because there were guys out there who actually could reciprocate the feelings Scott had.

It was the first time in a while that Scott actually had the courage to admit the feelings he had. The courage to admit them to himself and even more stunningly, to another person. Gideon had been the first person since Scott had come to college to hear about Scott's sexuality straight from the horse's mouth. The first person in four years to have been told.

Scott had kind of been an emotional wreck all day. he just didn't know how to handle the knowledge that someone else knew. The fact that he had KISSED a guy and that he had shared such an intimate moment with him without even barely knowing him. Gideon could turn around and tell everyone. he could turn around and tell Scott that he hated him and that he was using the knowledge of their moment against him. it could so quickly devolve into an absolute mess of a situation and Scott would be socially outcast, cut off in the last few months of his senior year. It seemed that Scott couldn't go an hour without thinking of some horrifying possibility and even more terrifying outcome than the last he'd concocted.

But somehow... the thought that Scott kept coming back to, time and again, was that Gideon wouldn't do that. Gideon had made him feel so safe. Gideon had made him feel like nothing would ever matter again, like that little kiss had been the most natural, most accepted thing in the universe. Gideon had made him feel like he was special and that he was finally wanted by someone. He, who had been kicked out by his own family, was finally invited to be a part of a relationship with someone.

Scott was in a whirlwind of fear of change and overwhelming need for it.

After an entire day spent agonizing over what to do, missing class and nervously eating anything he could find, Scott sat alone in the dark dorm, looking out the window at the lit up city and trying to make a decision. Cleo would be home any minute. This was what it had come to. He could either tell her, bringing another person into the secret, or he could continue to hide and act like this feeling, this love and safe feeling, was something that he ought to be ashamed of.

No matter what he told himself, or how terrified he was of being abandoned again, he just didn't think that he could bring himself to think of that feeling, of that attraction, as anything but the most natural, most beautiful thing he'd ever experienced.

[CLEO EVERETT]

Cleo had to tell somebody about this. Even if they didn’t believe her or even if they thought she was crazy. Both were completely possible. She was hoping for the first. The second might just get her tossed in a mental hospital. Because even if they didn’t believe her, at least she’ll have told somebody. Anybody.

Okay, maybe not anybody. Certainly not a stranger on the streets. Somebody she knew and loved and wouldn’t mind if they thought her crazy. Her mother or grandfather could very well be a good choice. She was their kid, after all, and they’d heard her say some insane things over the years. Like this would be any different, right? Right. But no. She didn’t feel like driving out there.

Once the goldfish had made its presence known by saving Cleo from drowning out in the ocean (WHAT A WAY TO GO, THOUGH! DROWING IN HER BELOVED SEA? THAT DIDN’T SOUND SO BAD), she had insisted they continue swimming. Cleo had been exhausted and her lungs just full of water but she was still floating on her back and diving beneath the waves. It was weird and exhilarating and she had yet to really process it.

It just seemed best to tell somebody before she tried to figure it all out. She knew it was real. She knew this was happening. Telling somebody wasn’t for her to confirm it. It was so she could be determined about understanding. If she told somebody and they did believe her (ha ha ha), then they’d probably want an explanation as much as she did. This way, her understanding would help more than just one person.

It had hit her while climbing the steps up to the fourth floor of the dorm building. Scottie! Of course! She knew and loved her roommate super dearly. And he wouldn’t think she crazy because, much like her mother and grandpa, she’d already said some crazy things around him. With this in mind, she bounded up the remaining steps and hurried down the hall to their dorm. Cleo opened the door so quickly, it slammed against the wall and she nearly jumped out of her skin before recovering.

“Scottie!” Cleo shouted, closing the door behind her and clicking on the lights. “Oh!

[/color]” She exclaimed, startled to find that he was sitting by the window. She thought maybe he’d be in his room, sculpting. “I have news,[/color]” she said, sounding confused and excited and nervous. Cleo pulled a chair up next to him and settled into it, curling up so that her feet didn’t touch the ground.

The goldfish that had saved her from drowning swam in and out of Cleo’s peripheral vision, distracting her from what she was here to do. Then again, the fish seemed distracted as well. Cleo could tell it was trying to figure something out and that something seemed to be Scottie. It was that that made her realize how obnoxious she was being. “Something wrong?[/color]” She asked, finally catching on to the previously darkened room and his expression and who sat in a dark room staring out a window unless something was wrong?
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[SCOTT PARKER]

Scott just had to work himself up to telling Cleo. he would do it in increments. He had to just convince himself that everything would be alright if he told her. Meghan had been fine with it. She was PROOF that straight people existed in the world who could be alright with having a gay guy for a best friend. Back home when he'd told his lesbian connection to the gay world, she had been utterly accepting, but that's what Scott had always assumed. Meghan was different. She had been one of his best friends for years. She had gone to church with him and somehow, some way, she had found it in her heart to accept him for who he was.

He just hoped that Cleo could do the same.

He'd been rationalizing it all day. She was from California! Of course she'd be okay with it! She was his best friend and had been for years! There was no way she'd turn him down or kick him out! Everything would carry on as usual, only now he'd be able to tell someone all about the things that he kept bottled up. He could tell Cleo about Gideon and about Dan and about how his family had ben less than accepting and how the one thing he wanted was to be able to see his mother and father one more time before he was forced to show up at their funerals and wish they could have been at least a little supportive of him while they were still alive.

Shit, she was home. Scott had to decide now. Could he do it? Could he tell her? He was SURE it would be fine, but then again, he'd been sure that his parents would keep on loving him and he'd already seen how that had turned out.

Scott was more than happy to just be caught p in his own thoughts, but Cleo's strange mood was more than a little disarming and confusing. She was very... excited? Or scared? or... something? it was hard to place and frankly Scott wasn't in the appropriate state of mind to figure it out. Whatever it was, it seemed like a bad time for him to bring up any sort of alternative sexual orientation. She was too excited (agitated? worried?) about whatever it was to be worried about Scott's liking boys at the moment. it would be much better if he would just keep his mouth shut and bring it up later. At the very least he had to wait and hear her out, right?

She curled up next to him in her chair, and Scott did his best to get out of his crazy little funk and pay attention. Cleo was obviously dying to tell him something. He could TELL that much. He needed to snap out of his pathetic little homosexual pity party and pay attention to what was happening in the real world.

"I - what? Nothing's wrong! Gosh, you know... everything's fine!"Scott forced a little laugh, knowing that by now it was too late for him to change his mind and come out to her. "I mean, nothing important anyway." He smiled at her. The awkwardness of it all was almost tangible. God, he was pathetic.

"You said you had news?" he offered meekly, hoping to cover a little and get the story out of her.

[CLEO EVERETT]

No, no. Something was definitely wrong. Sure, normally she was oblivious to other people and how they were feeling. (She blamed that on her distraction with sweets and swimming and her hair). This was Scottie, though. He had been her roommate for, what?, two years now. Not to mention one of her best friends since forever. New York would be that much worse if she didn’t know him. It was very important that she be able to tell when something was bothering him. And something was.

Cleo shook her head and pushed her news as far out of her mind as she could. “Not buying it. What’s wrong?” Cleo was determined now to figure out what was up with her roomie. If she couldn’t help him, then what kind of best friend and roommate was she? Not a very good one. Plus, it would be incredibly selfish of her to just ignore him and go on with her surprise. Very rude. Cleo waited as patiently as she could, still itching to tell Scottie about the fish but fighting every urge to just shout it out.

Speaking of her goldfish, she seemed very antsy. (Ha ha, a goldfish being antsy). There was something about Scottie that was bothering her but she was also curiously intrigued. What was such the big deal? Jeez, were all the people she knew weird fairytale incarnates? Cleo hoped not. As if her life wasn’t already complicated enough now. The last thing she wanted was to not only worry about her friends but also about the characters they were host to. If she could barely understand it herself, there was no way she’d understand it with anybody else.

“Scottie, everything you have to say is important.

[/color]” Cleo insisted, more seriously than she’d ever said anything. His advice, his criticisms. Even his jokes were important. That probably didn’t make sense. Whatever. Cleo shifted in her chair, folding a leg beneath her and pulling the other to her chest. Still not touching the floor. What was up with that? Interesting. “Honestly. Tell me. What’s bothering you?[/color]”

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[SCOTT PARKER]

Scott could tell that there was nothing he could do to try and defray the discussion to anything else. He had brought this on himself, really. He should have known that Cleo would be home soon. he should have put up a front, gotten up, made some dinner, sung some chipper pop songs in the kitchen so she wouldn't think anything was up. He should have carried on, business as usual, so that this whole awkward situation could be avoided. Now... now there was no getting out of it. If Cleo was anything it was persistent. She wasn't going to let something like this just slide, no matter how preoccupied she was. Now that she had her internal Scottie alarms going off she was going to keep hounding him about it until he spilled.

Oh well. Guess it was finally time to do it.

Scott took a sharp, deep breath. This was it. It was like ripping a band-aid off. He just had to get it out there. Once he was done, then it wasn't in his hands any more. Then it was up to her to make the right choice and either accept it or... well, he didn't want to think about what the alternative was. She was hardly a weekly church-goer. He probably had nothing to worry about.

Probably.

Taking Cleo's hand in his, Scott looked her in the eye, trying decide where he ought to start.

"Okay, Cleo, I just, I didn't want to tell you like this because it's just so awkward and the wrong time and stupid of me, but... you're my friend and I want you to know everything about me, okay?" He smiled tersely at her, fully aware of how painfully cliche it all sounded. Jesus Christ, his coming out skills had gotten rusty since high school. He needed to work on his speeches. This sounded just WAY too cheesy for words.

"Cleo, I'm.... I'm gay." An unexpected peal of awkward, unwelcome laughter followed that brief, pathetically obvious statement. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I was just, well, I mean, I was scared, and I wasn't really sre myself, well, I mean, I was, but it was just like, wrong, you know? I didn't know how you'd take it and I didn't want to push you out of my life, because you mean a lot to me, and there's a whole lot of people who couldn't handle it when I told them and I didn't want you to be one of them." Everything was coming out in a rushed jumble of words. He wanted to talk as much as possible before she had a chance to react, in case it was the last time he got to talk with her as friends.

"Not that I THOUGHT you would leave me, I mean, you still might, and that's totally fine, I mean, I can get on pretty well on my own, and I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything, I just... I'm sorry. This is such a mess, I'm sorry." Scott, heart beating wildly, got up, ready to leave and hide in his room, flustered beyond belief.

[CLEO EVERETT]

Cleo Everett may not have been very observant but she was very insistent. Whatever it was Scottie was going to tell her, it was very important. He was taking his time. Cleo was almost confused by this, mostly because she could hardly wait at all to tell him her news. What if he wasn’t ready to say whatever he needed to say? What if her being stubborn and insisting was just being rude? Suddenly not quite so sure she wanted him to tell her, Cleo opened her mouth to say wait, you know, if you aren’t ready to tell me whatever it is, you can wait, but before she could utter a single word, he had taken her hand in his and started.

She nodded a little, blinking slowly, waiting for him to make his announcement. She could kind of understand now how it was the wrong time, but certainly not stupid of him. It was stupid of her for being so stubborn. This was good, though, right? Whatever he had to say was because he wanted her to know everything about him. That was just one of the many reasons she’d come to tell him about the goldfish; because she wanted him to know everything about her. So, maybe she wouldn’t sound as crazy as she thought she would. Maybe… well, she could only hope. … God, what if he was, like, dying or something? That would be awful terrible news… and then there would be no way she could tell h—

Wait, what? Had she totally just missed what he’d said because she’d been so wrapped up in her own thoughts? Jeez, that was so Cleo of her. The laughter that followed seemed out of place and she wracked her brain, trying to pull up what he’d said. She had definitely heard him, she just hadn’t been… paying attention. As he continued, she was able to put the pieces together and finally, her mind caught up and she was right, she had heard him, and she realized he was coming out out of the closet. Oh. … Oh. Cleo thinks maybe she’s noticed little things for awhile now that would have made this obvious, but she doesn’t say anything, because Scottie is still going on, rambling really.

Leave him? That almost made Cleo laugh. There was no way she’d just up and leave Scottie, one of her closest friends, because he was gay. Cleo didn’t even mind. Love was love, and all of that. It wasn’t even that she was from California. It was that a couple should be happy, should be allowed to do all the same things a straight couple can. He’d already stood up and she glared at him, as if to say where do you think you’re going? Grabbing his hand, she pulled him back into his seat and leaned forward. “Scottie, that’s great. I mean. It’s not that I don’t care, but… I don’t care. About, like…” She took a deep breath and pulled a hand through her hair, “I’m not making sense but, really, honestly, I’d never even consider leaving over something as simple as that, okay?

[/color]”

She decided she’d wait until he understood that, that she wasn’t leaving, until she said anything about the goldfish. She was still a little worried about sounding crazy…

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[SCOTT PARKER]

Scott hadn't felt this flustered since, since,w ell, since the last time he'd come out. That had been a hectic enough experience for him, what with the fact that he'd actually been kicked out of the family and lost everything he'd ever really cared about. This was just about as close as you could get to that. He didn't know WHAT had possessed him to actually tell her. Why had he bothered? Waiting in anticipation for a response was killer. He didn't know where he'd go now. He didn't really have any other close friends. He'd have to move town. Start life over with a new name. Maybe grow his beard in so that no one would recognize him. He didn't know how expensive hair dye was but maybe he could become a redhead for a while so no one got a glimpse of him an thought they recognized him from somewhere. It was a bit paranoid but these were the necessary precautions for starting one's life over.

He was all prepared to start rambling again, perhaps only to distract her while he ran to pack his bags, but then he stopped to listen to what she had to say. Even if it was something horribly offensive, horribly brutal, he had to hear it. He heard it all the night that he came out to his family. It couldn't be possibly any worse than that. He had to hear it because otherwise he would always wonder what she had thought of him. What his best friend of four years had finally thought of him when he came out of the closet, how a whole four years of friendship had been annihilated because of something about Scott he couldn't control. He had to know so that he could finally reach a bit of closure, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday when he looked back on this whole event and realized he had been silly for putting so much faith in her when clearly all she thought of him was that he was a no good monster who ought to be put do-

I’d never even consider leaving over something as simple as that, okay?”

Wait, what?

"Oh my god, Cleo. Oh my god." Jumping out of his seat, Scott rushed over and enveloped her in the biggest hug he'd ever given anybody in his whole life. "Seriously, you don't know how much this means to me. I - thank you. Thank you so much. You are honestly the best person I've ever met." Scott could feel the tears coming on, but he was determined he was gonna cry. Crying was for if this whole situation had gone downhill which it most certainly hadn't. He needed to stay strong.

"Ohmygosh, I should do something for you! I should make something for you! What do you want? I'll make you pancakes! Do you want pancakes!?" Scott was rushing over to the small kitchen area all the same, overly excited that he didn't have to leave his new home just yet. He called out to her, "Oh my gosh, you are so the best person to ever come into my life. Thank you." Just in case she had forgotten.

[CLEO EVERETT]

Did he get it? He understood, right, that she didn’t care? She certainly hoped he did. She didn’t want her roommate and one of the best friends she’d ever had to leave for something as silly as this. (Cleo cringed a bit, deciding then that maybe she shouldn’t be blowing this off like she was. It may have not seemed like a big deal to her, but it certainly had to be for Scottie. And she didn’t want to come off as rude or anything, so maybe it would be a good idea if she started acting as concerned as she actually was. Was concerned the right word? Oh! What it was was that she was making this out to be no big deal when it was in fact a very big deal for her best friend, and she’d best treat it as such as well. There. That’s what she’d meant.).

Next thing she knew, Cleo was receiving the biggest hug she’d ever been given in her whole life. There had been lots of great hugs from people like Jacob and Jocelyn and her mother, but this had to be one of the best hugs she’d ever taken part of. Wrapping her arms around him tightly, Cleo returned the gesture, laughing as quietly as she could, for she was right by his ear, and she didn’t need him going deaf now, did she? “Of course, Scottie, what else did you expect?” Hadn’t she always been accepting? Perhaps the only thing Cleo always turned down was anything to do with change, like moving to New York in the first place or the very idea of having different roommates each year at college.

Before she could realize he’d let go, Scottie was in the kitchen and she was still sitting in her chair, smiling and laughing and just generally feeling very pleased. “Oh, Scottie, really, don’t worr—

[/color]” Any protests were forgotten the moment he’d said pancakes and she jumped out of her seat with a very excited, “yes, please![/color]” Returning the chairs to where they belonged, Cleo stopped and took a moment to stop and think how she’d like to deliver her news now. Cleo shrugged, downplaying just how obvious her being the best person to ever come into his life was, Cleo answered with a modest, “thank you, Scottie.[/color]”

Joining him in the kitchen, Cleo pushed herself up onto a counter she assumed he wouldn’t need and swung her legs back and forth, careful not to scuff the cabinets with her shoes (might have been a good idea to take those off). “Do we have chocolate chips?[/color]” Sure, regular pancakes were good and all, but that bit of chocolate made them all the better. Though, to be honest, if they did have chocolate chips, she wasn’t sure how that went unnoticed by her. Then again, it wasn’t like she needed any more sweets. The stash in her room was unhealthy enough. And there she went, completely forgetting that she had something to tell Scottie. The more she put it off, the more uneasy she got about admitting it. Did she really want to say anything?
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