Axioms and Non Sequitur (ZACK & VIKTOR)

[newcinderella]

Charley was late to debate practice. Not that this was unusual, of course. She was just later than usual this time, that's all. And really, 25 minutes late wasn't that bad at all. People with higher status in society usually showed up late to events so they would be noticed by the lower ranking members. So by coming late, she was unintentionally just making her leadership known to the rest of the team. After all, she wasn't the youngest captain the Baum Academy debate team has ever had for nothing.

Charley power-walked down the hallway, hair tied up into a flawless ponytail pulled back by a thick black headband. She couldn't have any distractions today caused by silly things like hair in her face. In addition, she was wearing her black boots, which she always wore for competitions. She always thought they made her seem more intimidating. And the more intimidating you looked, the more you scared your opponent, and the more likely they would succumb to pressure and lose.

And who was her opponent today? The infamous Zackary Charming, her fellow co-captain.

It infuriated Charley that she had to share the role with Zack. He had no real interest in the complexity of debate, he was only on the team because he liked to show off how smart he was. Whenever he made a point during a debate, Mr. Francs reacted like he had just seen the second coming of Christ. It was ridiculous, especially when Charley knew that she had done five times as much research as Zack and her points were always more convincing and direct. People just thought he did better because he used longer words to try to convince them that he knew what he was talking about, when in all truth he had probably never even looked up the topic he was supposed to be an expert in.

But Charley was extra prepared for today's debate. It was why she was late, actually. She had to compile her notes into color coordinated sections concerning each part of the topic, which was necessary for her to be able to find points quickly. She had gotten the side she wanted on the Global Warming issue, and she knew exactly what Zack would say to try to confuse her. It wasn't going to work this time. Mr. Zackary Charming, you have met your match.

Charley pulled open the door to the classroom, trying as hard as she could to not appear out of breath. A good lawyer was always cool and collected, never flustered.

[hatboxghosthostess]

Charley would have noticed that Mr. Francs was already at his desk, a stack of papers littering his desk where the other teachers would have kept a laptop. He nodded to acknowledge Charley, and then he turned back to the opposite debate block to impatiently wait for Zack, his debate star.

Sure, Zack was a natural showoff, and it would come back to bite him in the butt someday. Viktor secretly just wanted to laugh when Zack had his butt handed to him. His plan was to feed Zack's fire as much as he could before a debate match, and then sit back and watch Zack completely get... what was the word the kids used these days? Owned? Or something like that.

Yes, Zack had the largest ego Viktor had ever seen in his life. Viktor secretly cringed every time Zack boasted about something unimportant that no one, especially him, cared about. He just wanted to watch Zack's face turn completely red when he lost the debate because he was talking about the chemical compaction of oil when the topic was the enviornment.

And yes, Viktor secretly prefered Charley. Because Charley actually tried. But all he did to acknowledge Charley was nod to her and look anxious to see Mister Know-It-All.

[ZACK CHARMING]

Very, very few things confused Zack Charming. But this incongruous new schedule was one of them.

Honestly. He’d been completely in the right to switch out of that AP Calculus class, being the inoperative, repugnant pile of detritus that it was. Of course, leave it to the Guidance department and their infinite wisdom to enroll him in a completely arbitrary class when he’d specifically requested a study hall. Debate team, of all things. Debate team! Had those imbeciles honestly deluded themselves into believing that he, Zack Charming, really had the time or the inclination to partake in occurrences as trivial as debate team? If there was anything Zack detested more than asinine numbskulls, it was interaction with said asinine numbskulls.

Still, credit was credit, he supposed, as he pulled open the door of the room and entered, allowing it to slam behind him. “Um. Yo, homies.” He flashed a thumbs-up, then slid into a desk near the front. So wait, were they supposed to be debating something? Debate team. Right. Debating.

Zack pulled the crumpled piece of paper from his pocket and scanned it hurriedly. For academically motivated students, parent signature, blah blah blah…ah. Global warming.

Global warming, he repeated silently, leaning back in his chair and sighing heavily. How perfectly juvenile. Couldn’t they be debating something that was actually useful and stimulating? Say, the sums, products, and composition of analytical integration?

Oh well. He could make do, he supposed. He closed his eyes and tried to think back to the last book he’d read on earth science. Something by Kepler? Or maybe Brahe. Didn’t matter, at present. So visible light photons, right? And something about carbon dioxide particles and chlorofluorocarbons…alright. That would do.

“So,” he mused out loud to no one in particular, “would any of you luxuriantly bright people care to enlighten me as to what side I’m theoretically arguing for?”

[newcinderella]

Just as Charley sat down, the door burst open once more. Charley didn't even have to turn around to see who it was. Zack would be later than she was. And knowing Zack, he probably could have easily gotten there on time, but just wanted to be the center of attention for as long as he could.

“Would any of you luxuriantly bright people care to enlighten me as to what side I’m theoretically arguing for?”

That little son of a bitch. He seemed to have perfected the art of making her want to punch him in the face. Did he not realize that he sounded like the most arrogant, pretentious, cocky asshole in the history of the world? The whole thing was so ludicrous to her. Really, what was the need for the adjective luxuriantly? What did that even add to the comment at all? Nothing, of course, it was just Zack showing off. And he even had the nerve to outwardly say that he didn't prepare at all. Charley could feel her face getting redder in anger. It still completely amazed her that this narcissistic douchebag was captain, or even on the debate team at all.

Without letting Zack get another word in, Charley stood up and started her argument. "Good afternoon fellow peers. I would like to start my argument by stating the scientific facts. Average temperatures have climbed 1.4 degrees Fahrenheit around the world in the past 100 years, most of this recently, according to NASA." Charley looked around the room, and was met with a couple of confused stares. Oh come on. Who doesn't know what NASA is? She had to refrain from completely cursing everyone out. This team was ridiculous.

"Which stands for the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, for those of you who seem confused. The 20th century's last two decades were the hottest in 400 years and possibly the warmest for several millennia, according to a number of climate studies. And the United Nations' Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change reports that 11 of the past 12 years are among the dozen warmest since 1850. The IPCC also concluded in a February 2007 report, which was based on the work of some 2,500 scientists in more than 130 countries, that humans have caused all or most of the current planetary warming. "

Charley pushed her headband further back as she slowly walked across the classroom, the heels of her boots making the slightest stomping sound as she walked. She looked around at the rest of the team, who seemed to be paying more attention to their doodles or their gum than to her. How could they not take this seriously?

"In addition," Charley added loudly, making a couple stray heads poke up "every major scientific institution dealing with climate, ocean, and/or atmosphere agrees that the climate is warming rapidly and the primary cause is human CO2 emissions."

"I await my opponent's response." She concluded, as she stomped back over to her designated desk and quickly sat down.

[hatboxghosthostess]

- Before Charley's spheal-

“So,” he mused out loud to no one in particular, “would any of you luxuriantly bright people care to enlighten me as to what side I’m theoretically arguing for?”

Viktor sighed. He couldn't hold back his disgust any longer.

"Are my eyes deceiving me?" he queried sarcastically, standing up behind his desk. "Has the GREAT Zack Charming just announced that he has absolutely no clue what to do? Why, this must be in the papers IMMEDIATELY..."

Some chuckles came from the rest of the team, along with a few whispers of "salty" and "served". Apparently, they found Viktor's retort amusing since most of them were thinking the same thing. The teacher stood amused as well for a moment, before nodding for Charley to start her arguement. He then sat back down in his chair, patiently awaiting Charley's argument.

- after Charley's spheal-

Viktor had listened to what Charley had said, clearly fascinated and among the few who actually knew what she was saying. He turned back toward the rest of the group to see their reactions. When he was obviously displeased with the lack of interest, Viktor sighed and stood up again.

"For those of you whose vocabularies are too minute to understand the previous argument," Viktor stated, just as amazed at the lack of the crowd's intelligence as Charley was, "Global Warming does exist, and we are causing it. NOW," he rolled his head toward Zack, "we await the response of Mister Charming, who obviously has something very enlightening to tell us today... and, for your convenience, I will translate," he added, pointing to himself and sitting down again before leaning back in his chair.

This was going to be interesting.

[ZACK CHARMING]

OOC: PLEASE DON’T TAKE ZACK’S INSULTS SERIOUSLY! HE’S JUST RETARDEDLY ANTISOCIAL!

"Every major scientific institution dealing with climate, ocean, and/or atmosphere agrees that the climate is warming rapidly and the primary cause is human CO2 emissions."

Well well well. Little Miss Perspicacious getting all up in arms about environmental awareness and how anyone who used their air conditioner for five minutes was the spawn of Satan. And they called it separation of church and state. Zack chuckled quietly to himself at the history joke.

"We await the response of Mister Charming, who obviously has something very enlightening to tell us today... and, for your convenience, I will translate.”

Zack gritted his teeth. Was this imbecile of a teacher honestly under the impression that he, Zack, didn’t have more stimulating things to do that spend hours researching such negligible matters as the temperature of the planet? He bit his lip as he rifled through the cache of facts stowed away in his mind. Zack hated to admit it, but the chick knew her stuff. He carefully selected his tools, then stood up.

“I’m so glad that Miss…” he quickly uncrinkled the paper again and read the name “Miss Harper knows her Wikipedia.” He cleared his throat again. “She also raises several excellent points, and no one can deny that the temperature has risen in the past few decades. This presents itself with an entirely new question: what is the cause of this temperatural adjustment? Let’s take a look at the facts, ladies and gentlemen.” He flashed a grin, which he was sure would woo about seventy five percent of the females in the crowd to his side. Splendid.

“The Camebridge University Quartenary Research Journal, along with numerous other highly prestigious environmental sources acknowledge that the global temperature has been rising for millennia. For those of you intelligence quotients that don’t surpass those of monkeys, that means it was rising before we even had carbon dioxide emissions. In fact, a study by Brown University established that humans are only responsible for three percent of all carbon dioxide emissions. For the mentally challenged of this team that’s…oh, I dunno, ninety-seven percent that are naturally produced. For example, water evaporation.” He flashed another grin. “The same study also concluded that humans’ average input to the overall CO2 emissions is an average of one percent higher than last year’s. If one percent is that great of a difference, then in all likelihood we would not be standing here today.”

He winked at the girl standing across the room. “I await my opponent’s response.” He grinned a third time. “Oh, and that’s quite a snazzy hairdo. Complements the demeanor.” She could interpret that how she might.

[newcinderella]

"Are my eyes deceiving me? Has the GREAT Zack Charming just announced that he has absolutely no clue what to do? Why, this must be in the papers IMMEDIATELY..."

Wait. WAIT. Did Mr. Francs just diss Zack Charming? Did her ears just hear the most beautiful sentence ever to be muttered by a hominid in the history of the universe? Or at least in the history of this debate class? Charley almost had to slap herself in the face to make sure she wasn't dreaming. And just to add to this glorious day of extravagance, the class was laughing along with him? Oh, this was too good. The look on Zack's face was priceless, he was gritting his teeth like there was no tomorrow. Brilliant. Just brilliant. Charley mentally reminded herself to get Mr. Francs an amazing gift sometime in the distant future.

"I’m so glad that Miss Harper knows her Wikipedia.”

Wikipedia. WIKIPEDIA?!? The stupid, cocky, ignorant, waste of corporal space that is corrupting the very gene pool of humanity. What the hell did he know about her? He had absolutely no rig to say anything. And of course, as soon as Zack started talking, Charley could tell that his points were total bullshit. Smart sounding bullshit, but bullshit. He had picked the easiest, most commonly known views of global warming skeptics and made it sound like he had actually done his homework. Ridiculous…and what was up with that stupid grin he kept on making? It looked like he was a mentally challenged child watching a particulary entertaining part of That's So Raven.

"Oh, and that’s quite a snazzy hairdo. Complements the demeanor.”

By this point Charley was about ready to punch him in the face. Multiple times. With force. She was pretty sure her face was the color of a tomato from the effort to contain herself. Deep breaths. In…..and out. In…..and out. The only thing hitting him would bring was a permanent mark on her perfect school record. And there was no way she was letting Zackary Charming of all people ruin her. Wait…did her just WINK at her? Charley could have torn his head off with her bare hands at that very moment. That's it. If he wanted war, that's what he'd get.

"Thank you Mr. Charming, I'm sure that everyone appreciated that demeaning blemish on the record of scientific fact that you have presented. And at least my hair doesn't look like it was cut in a ravage squirrel attack. However, I would not be surprised if that was the case because squirrels could possibly be the only forms of life that defy the miraculous pestilence your very presence oozes that manages to turn away all other sentient creatures." Although Charley hated sounding even remotely like Zack Charming, she figured that playing on his level would be the only way he would understand the extent of her intelligence. If that meant using ridiculous sounding long words, then fine...she'd do whatever it took. Charley turned away from the class and gave an over exaggerated wink to Zack before continuing.

"It is true that human emissions of CO2 are small compared with natural sources. But the fact that CO2 levels have remained steady until very recently shows that natural emissions are usually balanced by natural absorptions. Now slightly more CO2 must be entering the atmosphere than is being soaked up by carbon sinks. Now, how can we be sure that human emissions are responsible for the rising CO2 in the atmosphere? There are several lines of evidence. Fossil fuels were formed millions of years ago. They therefore contain virtually no carbon-14, because this unstable carbon isotope, formed when cosmic rays hit the atmosphere, has a half-life of around 6000 years. So a dropping concentration of carbon-14 can be explained by the burning of fossil fuels. Studies of tree rings have shown that the proportion of carbon-14 in the atmosphere dropped by about 2% between 1850 and 1954. After this time, atmospheric nuclear bomb tests wrecked this method by releasing large amounts of carbon-14." ….and by this point it seemed that she could have been speaking in German and the class could have understood her better. She didn't understand what was so complicated about simple logical conclusions derived from multiple scientific experiments. It didn't matter to her what the class thought, however. She knew that once she won the Junior National Debate and qualified for the National Young Leaders Conference she might as well be accepted to Harvard already. Although that dream seemed to be slipping through her fingers as she looked around the room at the pathetic excuses of human beings that were sitting before her. If they didn't shape up soon, she might as well accept the fact that she would forever be a failure. Her life was over.

Charley quickly shook the horrifying thought out of her head and continued talking. "And the fact is that there is an overwhelming consensus in the scientific community about global warming and its causes. There are some exceptions, but the number of skeptics is getting smaller rather than growing. In January 2009, a poll of 3146 earth scientists found that 82% answered yes to the question: 'Do you think human activity is a significant contributing factor in changing mean global temperatures?'. Of the 77 climatologists actively engaged in research, 75 answered yes."

Charley took a deep breath and brushed a stray strand of hair from her eyes as she ended her turn with "I await my opponent's response."



note: MOST OF THE INSULTS WERE WRITTEN BY BECKET BECAUSE HE IS THE SUPREME GOD OF SMART SOUNDING COMEBACKS

note 2: sorry for the insane ridiculous length of this post!

[hatboxghosthostess]

“I’m so glad that Miss…” he quickly uncrinkled the paper again and read the name “Miss Harper knows her Wikipedia.” He cleared his throat again. “She also raises several excellent points, and no one can deny that the temperature has risen in the past few decades. This presents itself with an entirely new question: what is the cause of this temperatural adjustment? Let’s take a look at the facts, ladies and gentlemen.” He flashed a grin, which he was sure would woo about seventy five percent of the females in the crowd to his side. Splendid.

One person who was not wooed, however, was Viktor.

"Brains AND beauty," he muttered, chuckling. "He may as well be talking about the apocalypse and people would still be amazed with that grin..."

“I’m so glad that Miss…” he quickly uncrinkled the paper again and read the name “Miss Harper knows her Wikipedia.”

Whatever that was, people were laughing. Viktor couldn't bring himself to care.

“The Camebridge University Quartenary Research Journal, along with numerous other highly prestigious environmental sources acknowledge that the global temperature has been rising for millennia. For those of you intelligence quotients that don’t surpass those of monkeys, that means it was rising before we even had carbon dioxide emissions. In fact, a study by Brown University established that humans are only responsible for three percent of all carbon dioxide emissions. For the mentally challenged of this team that’s…oh, I dunno, ninety-seven percent that are naturally produced. For example, water evaporation.” He flashed another grin. “The same study also concluded that humans’ average input to the overall CO2 emissions is an average of one percent higher than last year’s. If one percent is that great of a difference, then in all likelihood we would not be standing here today.”

"And for those of you whose IQs are below two hundred," Viktor suddenly cut in, "Mister Charming is saying that we didn't really do anything to affect global warming, but the earth itself has been causing it for several milleniums now. You may now continue, Mister Charming."

“Oh, and that’s quite a snazzy hairdo. Complements the demeanor.” She could interpret that how she might.

Was he serious?

"Mister Charming, you may already know this, but complimenting your opponent is NOT going to win you a debate," Viktor cut in once again, shaking his head. "Then again, neither is smiling sweetly and directly insulting your opponent at the same time, even for the sake of intimidation. But that's just my primitive opinion. Now... Miss Harper?" He turned his attention to Charley, hoping she would have something intelligent to say. But nothing too intelligent. What was this, Flowers for Algernon?

Which was a good book, by the way.

"Thank you Mr. Charming, I'm sure that everyone appreciated that demeaning blemish on the record of scientific fact that you have presented. And at least my hair doesn't look like it was cut in a ravage squirrel attack. However, I would not be surprised if that was the case because squirrels could possibly be the only forms of life that defy the miraculous pestilence your very presence oozes that manages to turn away all other sentient creatures." Although Charley hated sounding even remotely like Zack Charming, she figured that playing on his level would be the only way he would understand the extent of her intelligence. If that meant using ridiculous sounding long words, then fine...she'd do whatever it took. Charley turned away from the class and gave an over exaggerated wink to Zack before continuing...

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, rein it in," Viktor interrupted (he had a tendency to do that when he found something utterly wrong with a response, or something bad was going to happen - most likely the latter). "Let me set this straight for both of you before someone gets physically," he turned toward Charley, "or emotionally," he turned toward Zack, "hurt... this is debate class, not drama class. In debate, there's no drama. If there is drama, there'd better be masks and scripts involved. Sorry for interrupting. Continue."


"It is true that human emissions of CO2 are small compared with natural sources. But the fact that CO2 levels have remained steady until very recently shows that natural emissions are usually balanced by natural absorptions. Now slightly more CO2 must be entering the atmosphere than is being soaked up by carbon sinks. Now, how can we be sure that human emissions are responsible for the rising CO2 in the atmosphere? There are several lines of evidence. Fossil fuels were formed millions of years ago. They therefore contain virtually no carbon-14, because this unstable carbon isotope, formed when cosmic rays hit the atmosphere, has a half-life of around 6000 years. So a dropping concentration of carbon-14 can be explained by the burning of fossil fuels. Studies of tree rings have shown that the proportion of carbon-14 in the atmosphere dropped by about 2% between 1850 and 1954. After this time, atmospheric nuclear bomb tests wrecked this method by releasing large amounts of carbon-14." ….and by this point it seemed that she could have been speaking in German and the class could have understood her better. She didn't understand what was so complicated about simple logical conclusions derived from multiple scientific experiments. It didn't matter to her what the class thought, however. She knew that once she won the Junior National Debate and qualified for the National Young Leaders Conference she might as well be accepted to Harvard already. Although that dream seemed to be slipping through her fingers as she looked around the room at the pathetic excuses of human beings that were sitting before her. If they didn't shape up soon, she might as well accept the fact that she would forever be a failure. Her life was over.

Oh, dear. Viktor could already see the saliva dripping from the other students' mouths.

"WHICH MEANS... the excessive use of fossil fuels is one of the main causes of global warming," Viktor translated. When he received no further response, he facepalmed. "Do you not know what fossil fuels ARE?!"

Charley took a deep breath and brushed a stray strand of hair from her eyes as she ended her turn with "I await my opponent's response."

Viktor sighed, exasperated.

"Mister Charming, start talking," he stated, and he lay his head down on the desk. "I can't sleep at the moment."

[ZACK CHARMING]

Zack rocked onto the back legs of his stool, nodding his head arbitrarily to the arguments that he was barely listening to. Some inane point with a lot of numbers and then…something about his hair? And squirrels? Zack shrugged, but didn’t waste vehemence on crafting a rebuff. He ran matrices and columns of numbers through his brain as she bla-bla-blabbed about percentages and carbon 14. As thrilling as he was sure the diatribe was, Zack had more titillating matters running rampant in his head.

A single phrase penetrated his wall of detachment. Carbon isotopes? He’d learned about those in AP Physics the other day, from that nitwit of a teacher with the repugnant goatee. Shoving his numbers to the side, he tuned in, if only temporarily. Maybe this would amount to a new insult for the teacher. Those were things that Zack could heartily enjoy.

They therefore contain virtually no carbon-14, because this unstable carbon isotope, formed when cosmic rays hit the atmosphere, has a half-life of around 6000 years. So a dropping concentration of carbon-14 can be explained by the burning of fossil fuels. Studies of tree rings have shown that the proportion of carbon-14 in the atmosphere dropped by about 2% between 1850 and 1954.

Tree rings? Zack almost narrowed his eyes, before recalling that he wasn’t supposed to be paying attention. He supplemented the urge with an ostentatious yawn, though behind the farcical gesture, his mind was running rampant. Tree rings. He deprecated himself for even allowing the thought to cross his mind, but that was a good point. An…an, exceptional point, at that. Honestly…damn. How could he have missed that?

But the homage was interrupted quickly by the prattling of the teacher.

"WHICH MEANS... the excessive use of fossil fuels is one of the main causes of global warming," Viktor translated. When he received no further response, he facepalmed. "Do you not know what fossil fuels ARE?!"

Zack raised a hand, quickly hoisting himself to his feet. “A fossil fuel is a pretty little particle that lets people drive cars. According to Miss…erm, Miss Harper, it deserves to be mutilated until death. I, however, think It’s quite unjust treatment of such pretty, happy little atoms.” He sat down again. The ignoramus was getting no more from him.

"Mister Charming, start talking," he stated, and he lay his head down on the desk. "I can't sleep at the moment."

Ohoho. What a perfectly jocular fellow.

Zack was about to spout some data from another fictionalized study when, great God almighty, the bell resounded through the room. Zack shoved his chair into the desk and started out the door, taking a final glance back at…Charlese? Charlotte? Something.