...Okay, I guess magic is technically allowed o_O

[pellinore]

Gym was the worst class to have first thing in the morning. Zirconium was barely even awake, and they were already asking her to run laps. And what made it even worse was that she shouldn't even be in this gym class. This was the freshman class, and the only reason she was there was because she'd failed her gym class last year. Not because she couldn't do the skills - she wasn't COMPLETELY unathletic - but because she'd missed so much school. She'd just been so upset, because her brother... Well, her brother had died, but she didn't like to think about it too much, it made her space off and go all teary-eyed. As it was, she had been about to run straight into the wall, it made her unfocused.

But anyway, gym class. Running. She pushed herself to keep up with the rest of the class. How did they have so much energy? By the time the teacher called them back to the front of the room, she was panting like a dog and her feet were sore, even though it had been less than ten minutes.

Zirconium walked over and sat down with the rest of the class, ending up on the edge of the group. It was weird being in a class with freshman, because it was still fall and she didn't really know any of them yet, so she didn't really have anyone to sit with. And they were going to be working on self-defense again today, so she'd have to work with a partner, and it would be all awkward because she wouldn't know them, and they'd have to hit each other and put each other in chokeholds which would make it even MORE awkward because she didn't want her first meeting with ANYONE to be her having her hands around their neck, because that was just weird!

"Okay class, today we're going to be working on hold breaks!" the teacher said. He called up one of the obnoxious freshman boys in the class and demonstrated how to put your partner in a chokehold without actually hurting them, and how to reach your hand up and push their head backwards when you're the victim of the chokehold.

"Everyone got it? You'd better remember this stuff, this is New York, kids, we've got no illusions of safety around here, have we?" Why did he need to scare them like that? Not everyone wanted to kill children.

"Okay," the teacher said, "Now partners! Megan, you go with Rachel, Devin with Caitlin, Sean and Gabby, Zirconium and Brandon..." He went on to list the rest of the groups. Zirconium glanced around the room, hoping she would suddenly remember who this Brandon kid was, but seriously, which one was he?

[BRANDON JOHNSON]

Brandon Johnson had recently (day the other, in fact) obtained a brand, spanking new copy of All’s Well that Ends Well by the jolly chap known only as Shakespeare himself. In fact, he was so chuffed as nuts about the occurrence that he was having difficulty keeping his hair on. Twas a quite ridiculous excuse for a dramatic work, but rather lovely all the same.

Brandon booked the clutch in his hands as he sat daintily in a corner of the gymnasium, paging the turns uneventfully. This gym class is absolute tosh, he thought to himself as he watched the wankers milling about before him. Not to mention that the instructor of the class was a skew-wiffed twat. Brandon nodded at the man as he “swaggered” past like the knobbish wench that he was. Ugh. What absolute fiddlesticks. Brandon buried himself in his glorious comedic work.

Now, William Shakespeare was a proper Brit. If only Antonio, the Merchant of Venice, or the crackhander Hamlet himself were to make an appearance in this rubbish heap of a Physical Education class, perhaps this barking madman would sense to his comes. Come to his senses, rather. Brandon’s mind was always think-backwardsing, but at the present moment the fact seemed even more extreme. Earth on why was his mind in such shambles today? Twas odd, quite odd indeed.

Still, Brandon reasoned, as he closed his book and moved to join his peers, perhaps he was being a bit of a wanker himself. A proper Brit did not whinge off about drab rubbish. A proper Brit situationed his embrace! Embraced his situation, rather! And Brandon was a Brit proper, blast it! He hurried to sit down, handing his folds before him and holding his head high like a proper Brit should. “What ho, good chaps!” he called loudly, giving a two-fingered salute to his classmates and teacher before settling into his seat. Ah, but wasn’t Educational Physics utterly smashing?

"Okay class, today we're going to be working on hold breaks!" The teacher continued to explain the various defense moves the students would be using to defend themselves against their imaginary opponents. Brandon’s mind flashed back to the last performance of Juliet and Romeo he’d seen some time ago, with the absolutely fabulous swashbuckling swordfight that was just his cup of tea.

But Earth on what was a “hold break”? That sounded like a load of codswallop. Brandon raised a hand as the others began to break into groups. “Excuse me, sir? Would I be correct in assuming that magic is also allowed?” The teacher looked confused, but Brandon carried on patiently. “What I mean, good sir, is that t’would be quite hard to defend one’s self against such attacks as you have described with one’s bare hands. Might one utilize the fantastical arts as well? Spellwork and the like?”

"You see, good sir," he continued, "spellwork is quite essential to one's self defense. Have you by any chance read the Lord of the Rings saga? Magic for self defense purposes is outlined in quite a twee manner there. I would recommend reading it, good sir, have you not already. Now, with whom am I partnered?"

[pellinore]

Zirconium stood up with everyone else. People were starting to pair off and walk over to the mats against the wall. She stood there, scanning the room for this Brandon kid, hoping that maybe he knew who she was and would come and find her.

By the time everyone had found their partner and gone over to the mats, she was still standing in the middle of the room. Oh god, everyone could see her. Zirconium slouched a little bit, crossing her arms and looking around for the teacher to ask him who Brandon was. When she found him, she saw that the teacher was talking to a student, and since everybody else had a partner... it must have been Brandon. Why was he talking to the teacher? What if he was asking to switch partners? Maybe he just didn't know who she was.

Zirconium hesitantly sidled towards them, hoping that before she reached them, they would notice her and maybe say something like 'Ah, here is your partner!' and she wouldn't have to say anything at all. It wasn't that she didn't like talking, she just didn't really know them, so she was kind of uncomfortable.

As she got closer, she began to hear some of their conversation. She heard Brandon ask the teacher if... if magic was allowed. What? She couldn't help but laugh to herself a bit, even though it probably made her look like some hyper freak. Magic? Really? Well, at least this gym class partnership thing would be interesting.

"Um, hi," she started, stopping next to the teacher. "Are you... Brandon?"

[GABE GLATISANT]

Alright. This was it. Gabe's first day on the job as a teachers aid at the little private high school. He was ready. He was freaking PUMPED. Of course, he had only signed up for the program as a joke with one of his friends, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to follow up on it. Pay was pay, and if all he had to do was run some gym class for a day then what was the problem?

Slapping the "visitor!" sticker onto the front of his shirt, he flipped through a few of the attendance lists and other papers the main office had loaded on him. Good god, he was running a gym class, not briefing a military force. What did they think he could possibly need these papers for? The only useful one was the crudely drawn map to help him figure out where the dang gym was. Even following that he was barely finding his way through the mazelike building.

The nice thing about this job was the fact that he only had to work for the rest of the day. There was some big brouhaha over the fact that the gym teacher may or may not have inappropriately touched one of the students or something, and they couldn't get a legitimate substitute in on time so Gabe had been called down for duty. All he had to do was tell the teacher that the office wanted him and then he pretty much would have free reign over the class, right?

Cool!

Finally stumbling into a massive room he could only assume was the gym, he scanned the place for any signs of the teacher, finally spotting him around two students. Alright. He just had to say it calmly. Supposedly nothing would happen. Nothing would go wrong. As long as he didn't mention the statutory rape implications then it would be easy as pie.

Walking right up to the man, he smiled and handed him the envelope the office had told him to pass on. "Hey! I'm Gabe Galtisant. Nice to meet you. The office just sent me down to keep your class running while you pop down there for a minute about something."

Grumbling incoherently, the man trudged toward the door, starting to open the letter. Gabe winced in anticipation for a moment, hoping he wouldn't have to see the teacher open up the draft of his termination letter.

Turning to the two students that had been talking with the teacher, he was surprised to actually recognize one of them. Zirconium? He guessed he knew she was young but.... High school? He didn't know whether to be relieved or moderately embarrassed that he had spent one of his incredibly cool weekends talking it up with a future student.

"Oh! Hey, Zirconium! What's up? How have you been? I mean.... er, what are you guys supposed to be doing for class today? They didn't exactly leave instructions."

[BRANDON JOHNSON]

Wait, wait, now Earth on where was this crackhander going? He followed the man with his eyes as he exited the room. Brandon shrugged and turned back to the lovely lady who seemed to be quite interested in him.

"Um, hi," she started, stopping next to the teacher. "Are you... Brandon?"

Ah.

“Greetings, fair maiden!” he declared, bowing low to her. He must present himself as a prim and proper Brit, he concluded, so as not to give the impression that he was not one. Twas all rather confusing and posh, but he could work it make. “Shall I be partnered with you on this one fine evening? Er, afternoon?”

The girl did not seem particularly chuffed as nuts to be partnered with him. In fact, she seemed a tad cheesed off. Perhaps she did not understand Brandon’s magical capabilities. Or, he realized with a jolt, maybe she was quite aware of said magical capabilities, and was simply nervous. She was quite a twee lass, but Brandon was experienced. “Do not worry, my sweet damsel,” he said, bowing again. “I shall be quite careful with you. I shall refrain from utilizing harmful spells for as long as I am allowed.”

"Oh! Hey, Zirconium! What's up? How have you been? I mean.... er, what are you guys supposed to be doing for class today? They didn't exactly leave instructions."

Now Earth on who was this lad? “Jolly ho, good sir!” he called. “Are you to be our chivalrous liege? If so, everything is tickety boo around this area!” He clapped his hands, quite smarmy. “Oh, this is going to be great fun! When we have finished this tedious exercise, do you perhaps have any dragons on hand for me to slay?”

[pellinore]

"Greetings, fair maiden! Shall I be partnered with you on this one fine evening? Er, afternoon?"

"I guess," said Zirconium, smiling. At least he was nice. Nice was good. He would be less likely to actually hurt her when they practiced the self-defense techniques. Some of the people she'd been partnered with already had been strangely eager to punch as hard as they could.

"Do not worry, my sweet damsel. I shall be quite careful with you. I shall refrain from utilizing harmful spells for as long as I am allowed.”

Huh. Well, okay then. If by 'spells' he meant something along the lines of violent movements, then she was fine. Before they had a chance to go over to their mat, a man walked into the classroom and started talking to the teacher, who then left in a hurry. Was that... was that Gabe? From the museum? Was he a substitute teacher at Baum? She'd never seen him. Oh god, that was weird, she'd gone and made friends with a sub.

"Oh! Hey, Zirconium! What's up? How have you been? I mean.... er, what are you guys supposed to be doing for class today? They didn't exactly leave instructions."

She smiled and gave an awkward little wave of her hand. Zirconium couldn't help but be a little embarrassed, partly because Brandon and possibly the other students saw Gabe - their substitute teacher - talking to her like they were old buddies or something. Not that she was embarrassed by Gabe, specifically, just that he was a teacher, and if people thought that she was like, friends with teachers or something then she'd just have an even harder time making friends.

But she was also a little embarrassed that now her new friend, or acquaintance or whatever he was, had to see her all grumpy and shy in a freshman gym class, wearing wrinkled sweatpants and an old t-shirt. This was not how she would have liked to present herself to people she'd just met, especially those who did not also have to wear gym clothes.

But he'd asked a question, she'd have to push past her embarrassment for a moment.

"Uh, well, he said we were going to be doing hold... hold-breaks? I think? I don't really know what those are though, something about self defense, I guess."

[GABE GLATISANT]

Well, this was certainly turning out better than expected. Admittedly, he had been a little less thank stoked about teaching like, high schoolers, cuz' he had totally been one just like, three years ago and he TOTALLY knew how much they all wanted to be like, anywhere else and were probably like, plotting the teacher's demise or something like that, but right now they all seemed like nice kids. He could totally see himself messing around with his friends in a class like this back in high school. Gym had always been a total riot with all of them running and hollering and throwing things, but this class looked weirdly...quiet. Most of the kids had whipped out their cell phones to talk and text and whatever the minute the real teacher had left. What the hell was wrong with them? They should be climbing up the walls with energy, not ignoring him like sedentary rocks!

Zirconium didn't seem to be any more in the know about the way things were done around here than he was:"Uh, well, he said we were going to be doing hold... hold-breaks? I think? I don't really know what those are though, something about self defense, I guess." If that was the best she could explain to him, what the hell was he supposed to dow ith the kids? He didn't know any self-defense! Well... not any that he could probably teach to kids

“Jolly ho, good sir! Are you to be our chivalrous liege? If so, everything is tickety boo around this area! Oh, this is going to be great fun! When we have finished this tedious exercise, do you perhaps have any dragons on hand for me to slay?”

Gabe eyed the kid who had started spouting the nonsense things warily. Was he trying to mess with him? He didn't think anyone could honestly talk with such....messed up words. Who honestly went around in their high school years asking for dragons to fi-

Oh...shit...was this like, a special needs kid? Oh, god, Gabe had almost just been SO majorly like, intolerant! Oh shit! He could get like, ARRESTED for being mean to a special needs kid. Parents didn't mess around when it came to that kind of shit.

"Umm...." he started, trying to make sure that he chose his words carefully. He knew that parents FLIPPED OUT if you didn't treat their kids with respect and shit."I don't happen to have any dragons with me on hand, but you can play dodgeball with the other kids! That's kinda like slaying dragons! Would you like that?"

Wow, he had absolutely no idea where the dodgeball idea came from, but it sure as hell beat stupid self defense.

"OKAY, UH, GUYS! HEY, GUYS, LISTEN TO ME!" He tried to project his voice over the entire gym to the freshman taking the class. "WE'RE, UH, GONNA MAKE TWO TEAMS AND PLAY DODGEBALL, KAY?"

[BRANDON JOHNSON]

"I guess," said Zirconium, smiling.

Ah, twas a simply darling smile. What a terribly sweet lass she was! What on Earth had she said her name was…but matter did that what? Brandon decided to create his own name for her, a rather lovely one by which he would here on out refer to her. But what on Earth could be call her? He drummed his index finger against his chin, thinking. But before he’d even managed to throw a spanner in the works, he was mind from his wrenched by a young lad’s sharp voice.

“Umm...." he started, trying to make sure that he chose his words carefully. He knew that parents FLIPPED OUT if you didn't treat their kids with respect and shit."I don't happen to have any dragons with me on hand, but you can play dodgeball with the other kids! That's kinda like slaying dragons! Would you like that?"

Now Earth on what was…dodge ball? Was that a certain breed of dragon? Or perhaps a competition, a type of joust. Oh dear, were he and the older boy to joust for the hand of the lady? Oh dear, dear, Brandon had not participated in such a tournament in quite some time. Still, a proper Brit did not deny a challenge. A proper Brit stood tall and smarmy, ready and willing to face the world. Brandon must accept. He must win the favor of the dear maiden.

“Why, I suppose I must,” he conceded. “I accept your challenge, good sir.” He bowed, thrusting a lock of hair behind his ears. “I shall compete in this proposed battle of the Dodge Ball.”

"OKAY, UH, GUYS! HEY, GUYS, LISTEN TO ME!" He tried to project his voice over the entire gym to the freshman taking the class. "WE'RE, UH, GONNA MAKE TWO TEAMS AND PLAY DODGEBALL, KAY?"

And sudden of an all, the children around Brandon rose and began chattering in a most absurd manner. Why, this was a battle like that of Tybalt and Mercutio in the resplendent lexicon of Romeo and Juliet! “Good sir!” he called, raising his hand quickly. “Pardon me, good sir! May I ask you to explain the rules of this fiddlesticked competition? I am afraid I have never encountered such a phenomenon as the Dodge Ball in the ancient scriptures of Shakespeare and Charles Dickens. Of course,” he added, stealing a glance at the fair maiden once again, “as I have said, if you happen to have a dragon on hand, I would be more than happy to rid you of its heathen presence.”

[pellinore]

Ugh, dodge ball? Really? All throughout middle school, Zirconium had endured countless gym classes full of dodge balls flying across the room at her, and screaming kids getting way too enthusiastic about the game. The chatter and laughs that erupted as soon as Gabe announced what game they were about to play told her that the kids in this class would be no different from the kids in her middle school. Not too surprising, considering some of them had gone to her school. She thought they would have matured by now, but apparently not.

Dodge ball was just not her favorite game to play, especially when she was tired. But she’d learned that just sticking to the back of the classroom and not moving around very much was the way to go, and she was rarely hit. Mostly because people probably just didn’t see her.

“Pardon me, good sir! May I ask you to explain the rules of this fiddlesticked competition? I am afraid I have never encountered such a phenomenon as the Dodge Ball in the ancient scriptures of Shakespeare and Charles Dickens. Of course, as I have said, if you happen to have a dragon on hand, I would be more than happy to rid you of its heathen presence.”

Zirconium just kind of stared. How had she not known that there was a student this strange in her gym class? Dragons? Was he being serious? He didn’t seem like the type to joke around and harass teachers like that, and she had nothing against Shakespeare and dragons and whatever else he was talking about, but he was definitely not completely aware of everything. Especially since Gabe had just spoken to him like he was a toddler, and he hadn’t so much as given him a funny look.

“Uh, Brandon? There really aren’t any dragons. Dodge ball is just where you throw balls at other people,” she said, looking around and waiting for the rest of the class to form teams. Usually, she just ended up inconspicuously joining a team that she didn’t even know anyone on and probably didn’t want her. God, how on earth was everyone so excited about this?

[GABE GLATISANT]

Gabe blinked. Honestly, he didn't really comprehend how someone could have gotten past an age where they were capable of walking and still NOT understand the rules of dodgeball. Back where he'd grown up, it had been like, THE game to play! Granted, his gym teacher had been a bit of an alcoholic, and he kind of suspected that half the time he was too drunk to do anything byt grumble incoherently and toss balls into the middle of the court to let the kids do with them what they wanted to, but that didn't detract from the nostalgic value stored in the game for him! It was a game that promoted hand eye coordination! It was a game that promoted teamwork! It was a game where you got to beat the living crap out of whoever you wanted to without consequences!

But.... it was THAT kid that was having the whole problem grasping the concept of dodgeball, so really he shouldn't have been surprised in the slightest. What with al the stuff about dragons getting spouted off by the little guy, he was seriously starting to question why he wasn't going to some other, like, specialized institution or whatever, not that he had any problem teaching him, it was just.... whatever. Either way he did it he would sound incredibly intolerant and hateful. Frankly he kinda freaked Gabe out. There, he'd thought it. Now he didn't have to worry about skirting around the edge of the issue anymore.

Well, he knew he had to at least keep the situation relatively moderate at any rate. He bent down at the waist to smile broadly in the little kid's face and deliver a stunningly child-oriented speech.

"Um, so yeah, pretty much what she said. Unfortunately, we're not gonna get to play with the dragons today, so we're gonna play dodgeball instead. Does that sound fun for you? Because I can let you be super duper cool and be one of the team captains and pick the people on your team if you want! Won't that be super fun?"

[BRANDON JOHNSON]

Brandon began to swing his arms back and forth, rolling his head from side to side. A proper Brit must stretch before exerting himself, he knew, lest he face certain, unalienable failure. And failure was complete and utter tosh. Brandon must prove himself in the face of this adversary, the Dodge Ball, lest the fair maiden think him a coward.

“Uh, Brandon? There really aren’t any dragons. Dodge ball is just where you throw balls at other people.”

Brandon blinked. “Pardon me?” he replied, clearing his throat. “An absence of dragons, you say?” He scratched his chin, thinking. No dragons. Well, that could certainly indicate a number of things. Perhaps another champion, this rather hairy lad over here, for instance, had eradicated them already. Or perhaps, and this was much more well supported by the works of the great and wonderful J.R.R. Tolkien, the multitude of dragons that still pervaded the area were simply waiting in lie, awaiting the perfect moment to spring.

And perhaps…perhaps this bearded man was…their leader. Perhaps he was a dragon himself! Perhaps he was conspiring against both Brandon and the fair maiden! Perhaps the Dodge Ball was simply a code word, a word indicating to his shirty, skew-whiffed minions that the time was soon arriving…the time to strike.

"Um, so yeah, pretty much what she said. Unfortunately, we're not gonna get to play with the dragons today, so we're gonna play dodgeball instead. Does that sound fun for you? Because I can let you be super duper cool and be one of the team captains and pick the people on your team if you want! Won't that be super fun?"

Brandon whipped around at the sound of the evil dragon overlord’s voice. But he knew that he had to play the fool. He must be ignorant; he must not let on that he had derived the secret plan. If this tyrant knew of Brandon’s revelation, then all would certainly be lost.

“That does sound quite like my tea of cup,” he replied carefully. “Cup of tea, rather. I shall certainly throw all of my welly into it.”

He reached floor to the down, retrieving one of the balls that the other students had begun to toss around. He tossed it to himself lightly, acclimatizing himself to the weight and texture. The terrorous reign of the draconic overlord would soon be no more.

“I see.” He nodded as if in understanding. “A captain indeed.” He offers me a position of power. He aims to draw me close to him, to lure me into a false sense of security. Just like poor Titus Andronicus. And like dear Titus, when I am right beneath his breast…he will down me strike. Strike me down, rather. He shook his head in resolution. I shall not fall like Titus Andronicus. Dear Shakespeare, you have taught me most well.

“May I rehearse the action of the Dodge Ball?” he inquired, himselfing the ball to the toss once again. Then, with a final glance at the fair maiden, he spun on his heels and threw the ball as hard as he could at the evil overlord of the dragons.

[pellinore]

Zirconium had no idea what was going on in Brandon’s mind at that point. Dragons? Where on earth had that even started? Gabe seemed to be a bit confused as well, and had to keep reminding him that there really were no dragons in the gym. She tried to catch his eye, wondering if he was any less bewildered than she was. Stepping out of the way of one of the heavy rubber balls now rolling across the floor, she began trying to make herself unnoticed. She’d learned that the key to playing dodge ball was to stand in the back of the room by herself, with plenty of room to step from side to side when a ball came her way. Though it was rare that she ever even had to move out of one place; people didn’t notice her if she just stood in the back and made no effort to either help her team or beat the other. Well, that was probably not the key to winning the game, but it at least was sure way of not ending up with bruises.

She was busy watching the group of kids on the other side of the gym who seemed to be starting the game early, already tossing a ball at one another, but out of the corner of her eye she saw Brandon throw the ball at Gabe. Whipping her head towards them, she gasped. What was even going on? She stepped towards them a bit hesitantly, wary of Brandon, whose sanity she wasn’t quite sure of at the moment. Not that it was an insane thing to do to throw a dodgeball at a teacher. And it was only rubber, it wasn’t like, a knife. But still, all his talk of dragons and now this. Gabe was technically a teacher, and he hadn’t even said to start the game yet. She knew if their regular teacher had been there, Brandon would have been sent to the principal’s office.

Zirconium started to ask Gabe if he was okay, but stopped herself when she realized how stupid it would have sounded. It was only a dodgeball, after all. She looked around to see if anyone else had noticed what Brandon did, but it didn’t seem to be that big of a deal. Maybe Brandon was just one of those kids with… anger issues. He had seemed so nice though, and he spoke like he was royalty or something. For now, she would just stand at a good distance, and hope that he didn’t decide to throw one at her as well.

[GABE GLATISANT]

With Brandon's chipper little reply to Gabe's super-awesome speech, Gabe felt duly confident in his teaching skills. Hell, he had TOTALLY just dodged a major bullet! This teaching thing was definitely super easy. He didn't understand how the hell people needed like, degrees or anything to do this kinda stuff all day. It was majorly easy to just keep kids calm and like, get 'em to run around and stuff. If it was always this awesome, he would TOTALLY be offering to sub way more often. This could totally be the way that he raked in enough money to fund some of his totally killer college parties!

Gladly turning around, Gabe checked n the other students to make sure that no one had like, started beating each other senseless yet. That would be just his luck, totally win with the creepily mentally challenged kid and have all the normal ones decide to plan a coup against the sub. Much to his surprise, however, it seemed that they were all going about their merry ways, partaking in activities that decidedly did not involve maiming each other or attempting to start a wave of civil disobedience.

It seemed that Gabe had managed to totally luck out. He had gotten everyone to learn to get along and he had pretty much successfully started them in a game of dodgeball. He felt like such a total badass for conquering the infamously rebellious spirit that inherently inhabited teenagers or something. He would totally be able to gloat to Bill later about how easy the job was. He would be SO hilariously pissed that he had like, missed it.

Just then, as though the universe had been listening to his plans and decided to prove to him that it still could fuck things up ANY time it wanted to, a ball slammed into his shoulder, pretty damn hard if you asked him. Not that it knocked him down or anything, because that would totally require Gabe to be like, a major wimp, but it was still majorly unexpected.

Looking over his shoulder he saw that, as he probably should have expected, it was Brandon who was standing there with a triumphant look on his face. "Uh, yeah, that's it. Good start."

It was a bit weird that the kid who had been asking about dragons a minute before was the one that decided to have at it, but he ignored it. Class was going well, and the sooner he got them playing the better.

Blowing his whistle he shouted haphazardly at the room, "ALRIGHT, GO!" as he jogged over to Brandon's side in order to avoid any more confusion and the kid nail him with a ball again.