ABSELON, Avi Aloysius

[aviabselon]

...avi aloysius abselon *
*It is wrong from beginning to end. *

[/size]

...basics*

name Avi Aloysius Abselon [AH-vee al-ooh-ISH-us AB-sell-on]
nickname Avi has been called “Av” in the past, but he doesn’t prefer it over his real name.
age Twenty-seven
gender Male
grade N/A
hometown Cheshire, England
sexuality Presumably straight.
personification The Caterpillar
face claim Benjamin Biolay

...appearance*

hair color Dark brown, fairly straight with a slight wave
eye color Also dark brown
build Fairly slim, with narrow shoulders, long limbs, and big, long-fingered hands. He has some muscle on him, but not much.
height 5’10”
clothing style Messy. T-shirt and jeans is the way to go, sometimes with a flannel shirt, button-up, jacket, or blazer over top. He enjoys comfortable clothing that he can relax in and wears a lot of blue.
distinctive traits He is usually smoking something and has a markedly bored expression most of the time.

...personal*

personality The best word to describe Avi would probably be “cynical.” A born skeptic, Avi is very pessimistic and doubts anything and everything. He is a strong believer of Descartes’ concept of “I think, therefore I am,” and thus follows the philosophy that the only thing he can prove exists is his own mentality. He invests greatly in intellectual pursuits and is highly intelligent, but so easily grasps new concepts that he has been bored often throughout his life – it has become such a factor for him that he has acquired a feeling of apathy towards most everything in the world.

Though he fully grasps the concept of sarcasm and may use it, Avi is far more apt with being utterly blunt. He is highly negative towards others and very curt in his replies during conversation, and may, for example, often respond to something ending in “you see” with an irritated, “I don’t see” or something ending in “you know” with an, “I don’t know.” He is often subtly rude, as his blatancy in his opinions often offends others (for example, he has no qualms with openly calling someone stupid). Simultaneously, he can be infuriatingly cryptic, and is unwilling to explain his advice at times when others fail to grasp it. In a hypocritical fashion, though, he frequently demands explanations to things he does not understand, and due to his constant boredom, his tone is almost constantly one of lethargy. In fact, he is somewhat of a lazy individual, preferring to sit and think and smoke something rather than associate with others or do any significant work, as he is untroubled by significant things unless they trouble him first. He is somewhat condescending in nature and holds a degree of scorn towards others, which averts them from him and makes him seem quite antisocial.

Despite his inconsiderate and unsociable behavior, it is not confidence or social skills that Avi lacks, but rather the will to apply them to his life. He has few insecurities, and yet he does not think particularly highly of himself – but then, he does not think highly of anyone. Then again, between his disagreeable demeanor and his harsh words spoken in that even monotone of disdain, there are few that think highly of him, either. Though he does not often put the skill to use, Avi is very good at giving advice, despite the fact that he usually gives it at very inappropriate times, like after angering someone. Though he seems to lack self-consciousness, he does not like to be patronized or insulted, which makes him very much a hypocrite, as he often patronizes and insults others. He seems to be especially cruel to those who are taller than him, as he does not like to be looked down upon in any way, especially physically.

Wise beyond his years, Avi has the heart of a philosopher and is frequently lost in thought. He is shrewd and very clever, and his insight is nearly unmatched. Avi becomes very irritable when one of his thinking sessions is interrupted, as he finishes them at his own pace and cannot be rushed to complete a train of thought. This languid manner of doing things applies to most concepts of his life, meaning Avi is rarely in a hurry to do anything. He enjoys the simple things in life, like bathing in the sun or drinking a hot cup of coffee, but much prefers to muse over the complexities of life, as he finds them much more interesting to savor. Unemotional and somewhat aloof, Avi is the epitome of unsentimental and is sickened by nostalgia. He lives in the here and the now, with little concern for the past or the future. Though he is philosophically interested in the progression of time, he prefers to experience it rather than observe it.

past Born in Cheshire, England on February 21st, Avi Abselon grew up as an only child in a house full of relatives. Most of them were cousins or aunts or uncles or grandparents, but the house was never quiet, and Avi usually had someone on his case for doing something wrong. As a boy, Avi quickly discovered he was not like his rough-speaking, working class family. He took to shutting himself in his room after his painfully simple homework was finished and reading old textbooks from the library on philosophy while the clamor of his raucous relatives echoed from below. He became thankful for any bit of silence he could get, and his answers became short and terse in an attempt to speak as little as possible to those who weren’t worth his time (his relatives). In order to defend himself from teasing cousins and the constant criticism from the rest of his family (who all agreed he was abnormal), he became patronizing, lofty, and unapproachable, sending out a message to anyone that dared to threaten him that he would tear them down. Indeed, his childhood was a difficult one, as it seems that, no matter where you live, if you’re bookish and quiet, bigger kids target you. The glasses he acquired in the fourth grade didn’t help. (They often broke, and due to his family’s low income, it was sometimes months before he would receive another pair.)

However, by the time he was entering secondary school, Avi had built himself an impenetrable fortress of facades. The other children in the school no longer looked down upon him – rather, they disregarded him almost entirely. By then, it was clear that Avi had no intention of being pushed around or having any enemies, but he also seemed to have no intention of having any friends, either. His friends were the philosophers; Plato, Descartes, Aristotle, Francis Bacon, Edmund Burke. He reflected that this was all the company he needed. Often opting out of classes for independent study or spending his free periods in the library, Avi was regularly sought out by other students for advice and for aid in their studies, which he often gave, albeit the advice was often brusque and puzzling. He took to seeking comfort and immersed himself in hedonism when he was about sixteen, which was also about the time he took a liking to smoking and solved his glasses problems with a pair of contacts.

As college came around, Avi found that he was eager to live anywhere but in his crowded house, which was no less full of relatives when he was sixteen than it had been when he was five. He removed himself as quickly as possible from Cheshire and his sixth form college at age eighteen to move to the United States (somewhat without the consent of his parents), having decided to attend a university in New York City (the funds he would have otherwise lacked were made up for mostly by scholarships and his life savings). Melding similarly into the background of college life as he had in high school, Avi once again became the one the other students sought for – he adopted the persona of “the weird bookish kid from England who knows everything.”

After graduation, Avi was not sure what to do with himself. He worked a few odd jobs for a while, trying to find his calling. He had majored in Philosophy in college, but now he wasn’t sure where that was going to get him to – after all, there weren’t a lot of employed philosophers in this day and age. It took him several years before he realized that it was better to be a cranky mooch with no money and too much knowledge than to be a hardworking tight-ass with no knowledge and too much money. As soon as he had the money for a laptop and a website, he created an advice webpage – he had no idea if it would be successful, but decided that the hardheads of NYC needed a little bit more reality, and he would take a shot at being that bit.

present Nowadays, Avi has his own tiny studio apartment with the lowest rent he could find, though it is surprisingly comfortable for just one person. He usually doesn’t stay in one apartment too long, as he isn’t fond of staying in the same place, and blows most of the extra money he usually doesn’t have on something to smoke. Hookah is his favorite, but that’s expensive and hard to procure outside of hookah bars, so it tends to be a weekend treat. He’s become somewhat of a writer and does a lot of sitting and thinking, which is one of the reasons why he usually does not have a job. He just can’t satisfy himself with a job anywhere and often reflects that life would be much easier if he could be a caterpillar or something – live wherever, just eat and sleep and get fat until you finally turn into something pretty and worthwhile. Though that metamorphosis doesn’t seem to be happening for Avi anytime soon, he enjoys the thought, and goes on philosophizing, smoking, writing, and looking for work. He continues to run his website, called “Advice from an Abselon,” and while most of his visitors find his wisdom too cryptic, too cruel, or too blunt, a select few take something away from his advice. Avi isn’t sure how he feels about that, but he’s pleased that he’s doing something productive.

family
Margaret Abselon – mother, 48
Jack Abselon – father, 52
(various Abselons go here; mostly aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandwhatevers)

likes
Smooth jazz (classical music is okay)
Buddhism
Philosophy (Descartes is his favorite)
Being blunt
Dry humor
Intelligence
Anything he can smoke
-hookah
-cigarettes
-marijuana
-etc.
Vegetarian foods (he is vegetarian on and off)
Intellectual freedom
Solitude
The smell of air right before it rains
Biology
Green tea
People who don’t talk too much

dislikes
People who talk too much and say nothing
Loud music (entailing pop, rap, screamo, etc.)
Senselessness
Violence
Stupidity and ignorance
Slapstick comedy
Puns
Fast food (unfortunately, due to his budget, he is often forced to eat it)
Censorship
Thunderstorms
Fireworks
Candy
Carbonated beverages
(A lot of other things as well; he doesn’t like very much.)

other notes Avi has a habit of offending people when he first meets them, but he is not senselessly cruel. Almost everything he does has a reason or purpose, as he cannot be motivated to do something unless he has a reason why.

...literature*

book title Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
backstory Depicted as a big blue caterpillar sitting atop a mushroom smoking a long hookah pipe, this character meets Alice in the fifth chapter of Lewis Carroll’s first book. Upon seeing her, the Caterpillar rudely questions who she is, beginning a conversation between the two in which Alice tries to explain her situation and figure out where to go next while the Caterpillar continually answers her bluntly, unhelpfully, and rudely. After exchanging questions and answers for some time (and Alice not getting many decent answers out of the Caterpillar), the Caterpillar informs Alice that one side of its mushroom, if eaten, will make her grow taller, and the other will make her grow smaller. Then, it disappears.

...roleplayer*

name Zelda.
age A bazillion.
gender Female
rp experience SEE ALEXANDER FORTESCUE.
how you found ouac SEE ALEXANDER FORTESCUE.
rp sample SEE ALEXANDER FORTESCUE.

password (GANDALF, WHAT’S THE ELVISH WORD FOR FRIEND?) Mellon.

[TEAM OUAC]