It's All About the Shrategems (Matt)

[KATRINA CLARK]

“I’ll take Sam.”

Dang nabbit, she’d wanted Sam. Katrina stomped her foot angrily, crossing her arms. “That ain’t right,” she muttered to the other kids on her team, throwing a lock of hair behind her left shoulder. “That just ain’t right.”

Two young’ins were left, and of course, Katrina was the last cap’n to pick. The other cap’n got George, which left Katrina with Liam. Of course. She would end up with Liam, that dang little tootin’head. One o’ them nerd-os, with big glasses and wires on all them teeth who couldna’ made the “s” sound if he were a freakin’ snake. Well, kudos to those little losers over there. She would show them. She was gonna be a’winin’ this here game of Three-Way Capture the Flag, because Katrina Clark was always the winner, and everybody knowed it too.

“Arright. C’mere, the lot of ya.” She hurried over to the far corner, beckoning her team to follow. They did, reluctantly, as she pulled them into a tight huddle in the far corner. Those other teams weren’t gonna be a’ stealin’ her secret plans, no sirree. “So. Y’all listen up.” Her eyes scanned her teammates. Joey, Jake, Katie, Corey, Cassie, not the bestest of all teams, but she could work with this. “You, you, you, and you,” she jabbed her index finger at three people at random, “y’all gotta crawl to the border, aright? And I don’t wanna see no little wimpy Donkey Barbie crawlin’ neither, ‘cause you ain’t in no Christmas pageant or none o’ that shnizzle bit. Nice, low crawlin’. On the ground. Like a snake. Nice and sneaky-like.” She drew the patterns in the air quickly with her finger, knowing that they’d better not mess up her plan, ‘cause she’d be a’ comin’ after them if they was the reason she lost this Three-Way Capture the Flag game. “Once y’all’z over there at the flag, you, you, and you, run around that-away,” she pointed to the opposite side of the gym “and I dunno, do a dance or somethin’. Get their attention. Then you, you, you, you, and you, run over to that flag over there, surround whoever’s got it, and sprint back fast as your little legs can carry ya. Rest of ya, patrol the border, empty out that there jail whenever it looks like it’s a’getting’ full. Once we got the first team’s flag, we’ll get the second one the same way. Any questions?”

“Katrina?” Liam raised his hand.

Katrina rolled her eyes. “That’s cap’n to you.” Jeez’m, had this kid never read an explorer book? You never called your captain by his first name, else you walked the plank or got whipped or one o’ them things.

“Captain?”

“Yeah?”

“Why do we need to crawl again? Why don’t we just run over? It’d be a lot quicker, and it’s not like they can’t see us if we crawl. We’re just in the gym, you-“


“Because that’s what all the pirates and army men do, you blucklehead!” Was this not obvious to anyone else? “Ain’t you ever read Robin Hood? Or Treasure Island? You always gotta crawl on the ground, else you ain’t gonna make it nowhere, and you’ll just be the stupidest hero in the history of stupid heroes. Now, y’all are crawlin’, ya hear?” Jeez’um beez’um.

“Oh,” she added in an afterthought. “N’also, we gotta have us a Coat of Arms.”

“What’s a Coat of Arms?” asked Cory as they took their places, Katrina standing proudly at the front.

Well, danged if Katrina knew. The books never described what exactly a Coat of Arms was. But that wasn’t the important thing. “I ain’t gotta ‘splain it to ya, if ya don’t already know,” she replied indignantly. “But every hero’s got one, so we gotta have one. Y’can’t be a hero without a Coat of Arms. All the books say so.” Would these kids never learn?

[MATTHEW PETERSON]

"I'll take Sam," Matt made sure to toss a cocky glance in the direction of his opponant, shrugging in a manner that was not at all innocent. She was just plain stupid for not picking him sooner--anyone could see Sam here was a valuable asset to any team. Matt had this all planned out. He was prepared for literally everything, even ending up with snotty faced George on his team. He was going to win this game one way or another. No excuses. No cheating, and no tricks. Fair and square, he was going to blow this other team right out of the water, because even though their captain was a girl, she seemed to think herself high and mighty or something, and that was simply unacceptable no matter the gender.

"Well, ya comin' or not?!" Matt snapped in the direction of his teammates, gesturing for them to join him in the area he had deemed Home Base--a rather large twig lying on the ground. When the majority of his blockheaded crew had joined him, Matt leaned down into a huddle. "Alright, I'll make this simple so you can all understand..." He stared each and every one of them in the eyes as he spoke, silently asking them if they were pepared to lay their lives down for this mission. Most of them seemed to be. That would have to do. "We're gonna have to do this fast for it to work, ya hear? Like lightning. But quicker," he nodded, feeling that would suffice.

Matt explained the plan rapidly, illustrating with various hand gestures and facial expressions for added dramatic effect. In truth, it wasn't much of a plan at all; Matt had always preferred to fly by the seat of his pants, and win anyway. His lack of planning had yet to backfire on him once in the past seventeen years. Well, except for that one time at the zoo...and the baseball fields...but those weren't important. At the moment, the "plan" was rather simple; everyone stand in a line at the center of the playing field, and as soon as the teacher blew the whistle, scream and flail as much as possible while Matt snuck around back and snatched the flag right from under their unsuspecting noses. If anyone got past their defenses...well, they were supposed to run like Heck itself was behind them until they caught up to their little snot-faced opponant and shoved them where they belonged--in jail. But that probably wouldn't be an issue, because Matt wasn't counting on this taking any longer than five minutes, tops. He could outrun that Katrina girl easy. He could outrun anyone easy.

As the huddle broke with a loud cheer, Matt barked at everyone to get to their places. "Look menacing, you filthy bilge rats!" A few of them jumped. Mostly they just turned up the meanest faces they could muster, bending over and growling when Matt glared at them, obviously unsatisfied. As for the captain himself, Matt sauntered up to the very front of his line of attack. Hands planted on his lips, legs spread apart, he was the picture of cockiness as he smiled at Katrina.

"Ya ready ta lose, Lady?" he spoke low, the question clearly for her and her alone. He needn't have asked, of course; she was going to end up on that end of things whether she was ready for it or not.

[KATRINA CLARK]

Katrina’s eyes shifted from side to side, surveyin’ the other team. This was good. They was all roarin’ and growlin’ like they was six years old, jumpin’ around like stupid little monkeys. Well, Katrina wasn’t havin’ none o’ that kiddy crud on her team, no siree. ”Y’all best not be lookin’ ‘stupid like them!” she called to the stupid little pie-faces who were all walkin’ around like they didn’t got the least clue what to do. ”I want discipline, ya hear me? I want ya standin’ up nice and tall and strong, not bendin’ all over the place like them over there.” She nodded decisively, moving up to the front line.

With her eyes, she quickly found her lane. There it was: right between George and that…well, she couldn’t even think his name. He was the enemy, and you couldn’t be thinkin’ the enemy’s name. That was bad luck. Not that Katrina needed any of that luck, because Katrina wasn’t no loser, and she wasn’t losing nothing today.

Besides, this kid looked small, like a little wimp. Katrina hated them wimps. Hated them.

"Ya ready ta lose, Lady?"

”I ain’t ready to do no such losin’, ya stupid lampshade-face!” She hurled the first insults at him that came her way. ”I ain’t never lost no game of nothin’, and I ain’t gonna start today!” She laughed haughtily. This little kiddy thought he was gonna beat Katrina Clark at Capture the Flag. What a stupid-head. ”Might as well just gimme your flag now, long as I’m gonna get it anyway.” She crossed her arms defiantly.

The whistle resounded above the students’ heads. Katrina hollered the first war cry that came to her head, taking off on a wide angle towards the enemy’s flag. ”Y’all best not forget my plan!” she called back to the rest of her team as she ran. Also, someone had better be getting’ on that Coat of Arms, because dang nabbit, every hero had to have a coat of arms.

[MATTHEW PETERSON]

Who was this wench, calling his team stupid looking? Matt scowled at Katrina, quite pleased with the insult his inner monologue had come up with. Wench. It had a nice ring to it, really. Almost as good as cotton-headed ninnimugginz, if one were to get right down to it. Straightening up to his full, not-so-menacing height, Matt glared at each one of his teammates individually, sure to amp up the in between looks for Katrina’s sake; with any luck, he’d be able to make her surrender before the game even started. Although, come to think of it, there really was no fun in that, was there? Maybe it’d just be better to taunt her right back. Then he could show her up for real. And do a victory dance right in front of her when he won. Yes, that was a much better plan than making her surrender before they’d even begun. Still, he could terrify her, couldn’t he?

“That’s what you think, teacup turnip!” he fired back a counter insult without thought, so proud of the result that he actually smiled a bit. “No? Well, neither have I. Losing’s not even in my vocabulary, so HA! Bet you couldn’t beat me even if I didn’t have the rest of my team! You know why?” he paused, letting the suspense seep through every fiber of his being before continuing with a tone so matter-of-fact they might as well have been talking about the weather. “’Cause you’re a girl, and girls can’t win nothing without a boy’s help.” He nodded, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. Oh, he’d show her. He’d wallop her, he would, straight through kingdom come.

Still, he had to admit he was a bit startled by the war cry. Not that it’d worked. No, most definitely not. “WELL, WHATTAYA SCURVY DOGS WAITING FOR?! RUN!” he yelled at his team, practically spitting as they turned and flew off in all directions. Well, this was just great. Now he had to go chase that stupid, stupid girl all by himself. Some teammates. When they were through with this and he’d gained victory for them all, he was going to wring their necks one by one. Maybe. Unless they offered tribute in the form of candy.

With the prospect of future sweets in mind, Matt turned and tore off across his own field after the girl, hollering the most random sounds he could think of as he went. It’d worked for her, hadn’t it? He had long legs, so the going was a bit easy, all things considered, not to mention the fact that he was driven the by sort of pure rage that won every good warrior his most acclaimed battles. “YOU GET BACK HERE, MISSY!” he was not more than three feet behind her now, angling his run so as to cut her off before she reached the flag. If he was lucky, maybe he’d even tackle her. “THAT’S MY FLAG, YA HEAR?” and with that, he lunged, feeling most dangerous as his body arched through the air towards her. That was, until he landed smack in front of her, and not on top of her as most professional football players made it seem so easy to do.