Give Me Peace. Give Me Serenity. ((Mason))

[MALLORY TORRES]

Had life always been this hard for Mallory? Had she always spent night laying in bed watching the shadows dance across her ceiling? Had her mind always been plagued with such thoughts of... death? Had she ever considered death as an escape, like she was now?

She had rolled out of bed that morning from another sleepless night and the terrifying thoughts of ending her own life. It was weird now that her parents were back, because this time seemed to be worse. They seemed to purposely go out their way to cause havoc in her life, especially her father. Her mother just watched, like the audience during a tragic play. It was worse than her father's tyrants and remarks because at least her father was vocal about his hate for his daughter. And the suicidal thoughts infected her mind like cancer, slow, yet devastating. They started a few nights after Mason and her...run in. She didn't really blame Mason... no, it was because her father banned her from seeing him... like ever. Not like Mason had called her or rushed to the idea of seeing her again.

After the thoughts came, she decided to do something productive with her time alone. She tried cooking, which turned out disastrous, then went to reading, but her genre started to lean towards sappy love stories. She finally found running as the perfect outlet. She slipped into her running attire and was out the door before her father could spare her a glance while he munched on some turkey bacon.

She decided on a light snack from one of the fresh produce vendors in Central Park near the Reservoir, where she runs. After munching down her banana, she began stretching on the grass. Enjoying the warmth of the sun and the other runners who smiled and gave her a slight nod. Runners must have been a secret society that she had involuntarily joined, but she liked it. She felt... accepted. She finished stretching, feeling that her muscles were loose and limber, she began her run. She kept a fairly average pace that allowed her to focus on her breaths and stride, and kept her mind preoccupied from other thoughts. Such as Mason---Shit no. She needed to focus.

Focus. Mason's smell. Focus on breathing. Mason's touch. Focuson strides. Mason's taste. Focus.

[MASON HOWARD]

Central Park was no place for "serenity," or whatever the hell Veronica insisted she visited the park for. Why he even talked to her anymore after--well, he wasn't speaking of the incident--Mason honestly had no clue. She was a brat. An obnoxious, bitchy, teenage brat he couldn't help but listen to whenever she called him "Just to talk." He hated her guts.

Still, he'd promised her he'd go, just this once, not to check out the countless attractive joggers, but to eat an early lunch. How she intended to keep tabs on him and where his wandering eyes might venture...As impossible as the idea was, Mason couldn't help but feel as though his younger sister had her ways of going about such things. She was just the conniving sort of girl who would be able to pull it off. It was no wonder Mallory liked her so--shit. Not again.

Mason shook his head, grumbling angrily to himself as he entered the park, his inner monologue suddenly becoming quite the incoherent string of swear words. He'd been doing so well, too, not thinking about it. Her. That. Yes, that just sort of encompassed the whole thing, didn't it? Best to refer to it as such. The truth of the matter was that he hadn't been able to stop thinking about her, not since he'd seen her again, and especially not since meeting Jeny. It was all Jeny's fault, really. She was the one constantly bringing Mallory up, trying to get some sort of reaction out of him. Trying to convince him he actually, you know, cared. Iditoic. Stupid. Obnoxious. Immature--

Fuck. Not again. Really? Of all the times he'd picked for a walk in the park, of all the days of the year, she had to go and pick the exact same one? It was almost enough to make Mason want to kick a tree. But only almost. Instead he straightened up, running his fingers once through his hair while mentally trying to shove Jeny's obnoxious lecture-voice out of his mind. Today wasn't the day. Then, before he could think better of it, Mason spoke to her, just before she could pass by. "You know, I could've sworn you used to be a two..." he gave her a quizzical sort of glance, cocking his head to look her up and down, just once, before the steely smirk came over him. Who was he kidding? She looked fantastic. Thank God he could lie right through his teeth...


ooc: I apologize if this doesn't make any sense at all...I feel like it might not...O.o

[MALLORY TORRES]

Focus. Mason's smile. Focus on inhaling. Mason's voice. Focus on exhaling. Mason's lips. Focus.

She couldn't resist the thoughts of him anymore, so she let her mind wander a bit, yet the new routine of running kept her in her normal pace. He was always going to be there in her mind no matter how much she resisted. No matter how much she told herself that she didn't care. No matter how much she told herself that she hated him. Mallory was undeniably and irrevocably in love with Mason. She was done denying it because the first step to moving on is acceptance.

She was rounding the curve that marked she had ran one full lap around the lake when she saw it. No not it. Him. She felt a smile trying to break her 'running face,' but she kept it plastered on her face. She couldn't let him assume that she was happy to see him, even when she wanted to jump in his arms and hug him. She found the mental image playing through her mind and the resistance to smile at him was futile...well, until he spoke. Yes, his words made her mentally cringe from him. He had just called her fat, or at least pointed out that she had gained weight. Da Fuck? Who did he think he was? Asshole. she contemplated the idea of just ignoring him, but then he might just not bother with her. She couldn't have that... Nope, she had to talk to him.

She slowed her jog, then stopped completely to approach him at a decent pace. Her eyes soft and her breathing now deep and heavy, yet controlled to prevent her from sounding like a panting dog. She caught her breath after a few moments of awkward silence before speaking and keeping her voice calm and sensual, "Here I thought I was losing weight, or could be that you have this new thing for bigger girls. So you are just trying to imagine me... well, bigger." She teased as she looked into his eyes. Bad idea. She felt her heart pick up it's pace. "However, I like how we just avoid the formalities and jump into the compliments." She added a bit sarcastic as she gestured for a lone bench away from most of the other park goers. "Can we talk?" She asked as she took a few cautious steps to the bench, then turning to face him.

This was the moment that she should tell him how she feels and how she misses him even more now. She should just open up, let him back in. Fuck the possibility of getting hurt again. She needed him to know. This had to be it. Right?

[MASON HOWARD]

Why was it girls always looked so hot when they exercised? Not in the minutes after, but during. It should have been a disgusting process to watch, them sweating and burning off their excess fat and yet, Mason couldn't help but check out every single one of the decent-looking females who happened to jog by him on an average day. The more he thought about it, it probably had something to do with the fact that most of them--if they were worth noticing--only wore a neon colored bar of some kind and a pair of overly-tight, obnoxiously short spandex shorts. Yeah, it was definitely the outfit more than the action.

Still, Mallory Torres managed to remain just as attractive even after she'd ceased running--an action that, in Mason's mind, was typically met with disgust for whatever strange, masculine reason. She really wasn't human. And then...aw, fuck. "Well, you know, some things are always better bigger... But girls in general? Nah," he shook his head as if in disgust she would even suggest such a thing. Mason chuckled at her comment, his brow quirking upwards momentarily. "I wouldn't try twisting that around into flattery, if I were you," he cautioned, hating himself instantly for looking into her eyes. Why the hell had God given her such gorgeous eyes? "There's only so much formality I can take before the truth comes out. I figure I might as well not waste the effort on falsities," he spoke calmly, everything about him collected despite the sudden tingling he was feeling in his fingertips. Nevermind the way his heart was quickening pace. It seemed like forever since he'd seen her. And, in a way, it sort of had been, hadn't it? A hell of a lot had happened.

She wanted to talk? As in, sit-down-and-pretend-we're-on-a-soap opera talk? That sure was what it seemed like, by the way she was standing there. He swallowed, making yet another valiant effort to rid his mind of Jeny's lecturing voice. Not now. Now wasn't the time. Giving Mallory a momentarily confused sort of look, Mason shrugged, indifferent to the whole thing. "Uhh...sure, if you want to..." he did his best to sound as though he hadn't even thought of the idea, despite the strange sort of eagerness in his steps towards the park bench near where Mallory was standing.

[MALLORY TORRES]

Something about the expression on Mason's face after he answered her question made Mallory's stomach knot up.

What if he stopped liking her because she wasn't pretty bough for him anymore? What if he actually found her truly ugly now? What if his standards had surpassed what Mallory looked like? What if she was too late?

Then he laughed and Mallory came back from her thoughts. Her internal conflicts. She watched his eyes intently. She couldn't seem to notice anything that had change about him besides puberty, but something about him seemed so foreign. So new. He was different from her Mase and yet she still felt so strongly for him. Even when he constantly brought her down, her heart still ached for his touch. She almost went to touch him, but she reacted quickly and asked him to join her on the bench.

She felt that now was the best time to tell him before it was too late. She sat gently on the bench avoiding his face and watching the water move in the wind and reflecting the sun. "I don't know how to tell you this, but l.... " her voice stopped as she glanced down at her hands. She wanted to call it quits. She wanted to go back to running, but she felt the urge, the need, to speak to Mason as if it was life and death.

But how could she tell him her true feelings, when he didn't seem to feel the same way?

She looked up at Mason. Her eyes full of question that were locked away by her stubborn, yet longing heart. She cleared her throat as if to proceed, but ended up looking like she was gawking at him. She blushed a brilliant red as she turned to stare back at the water and gather her scattered thoughts. "Look, Mase," Had she meant to call him that? "I need to... I want to... I'm sorry." She sighed unable to say her true feelings. She was pissed at herself, but her heart wouldn't allow Mase the chance to break her again. "For whatever I did to you to make you... Hate me..." She allowed herself some more words before choking up again.

[MASON HOWARD]

This was exactly the sort of situation he'd been trying to avoid ever since moving back to New York. He'd been trying to avoid Mallory in general, of course, but seeing as that hadn't worked out all too well the fisrt time, plan B had been to not let such awkwardness reoccur. Ever. Damn God and fate and karma and everything else that could possibly rule over the Universe; they all knew he was powerless the instant Mallory's eyes met his.

Thankfully, she didn't seem to. Mason joined her on the bench, clearly not at all looking forward to whatever it was she was about to say. He sat just far away from her so as not to let passers-by assume anything was going on between them, but close enough that they definitely didn't seem strangers. There was a time when scooting closer would have been more natural than meeting her at the park in the first place; now it felt wrong. In the moment of silence he couldn't help but think of the last time he'd seen her, of the way her eyes had looked after she'd kissed him...truth be told, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about it since. About her.

Mason watched as she struggled to speak, biting his lip in order to keep back the words of comfort he so desperately wanted to say. They wouldn't do any good, though. So instead he quirked a brow at the way she was staring at him, cold eyes making it apparent he didn't want any more than for her to get on with this so he could get up and leave. End the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

He couldn't help but feel a slight warmth in his own cheeks as Mallory blushed. Mason turned away instantly, clearing his own throat and running his fingers once through his hair as he too stared out at the water. Not that it stoped his heart from beating faster, or his stomach from dropping as she spoke. He flinched slightly at her use of the old nickname, if just because it brought back memories he'd trained himself to do without. Body suddenly tense, Mason found himself wondering what it was she'd wanted to say originally, what it was she was hiding. Of course, he knew what he wanted her to be thinking; too bad it would never come true.

She thought he hated her, after all. He should be happy about that. It meant the plan was working. Soon enough, he wouldn't have to see her at all. But Mason couldn't help feeling disgusted with himself and the way he'd made her feel. But he had to play along with it; otherwise, God knew where he'd be. "I don't hate you, Mal," Mason glaced her way, resisting the urge to speak more gently or at least to hold out his hand for her to take. "And it's not...you didn't do anything. "I just...things change, and well, you know how it is. But I don't hate you," couldn't hate her, more like.

[MALLORY TORRES]

Mallory wasn't sure exactly why she felt that he hated her because he acted like all the other guys that she had gotten with before Mason showed up again. Or maybe it was the idea that he could feel the same way as her because he had truly gotten over her and she was here... Still feeling like the love struck fourteen year old that he had left behind. Her eyes felt heavy, as if she was going to pass out. She panicked and sucked in a deep breath as if that would stop the tears, but it made her choke up. She felt the lump in her throat swell a bit as Mason spoke.

She was shocked initially, and her eyes wide like a deer in headlights. Then relief washed over her, like when it rains after a week of constant heat. She needed him to reassure her that he didn't hate her and the possibility that he could still care lingered inside of him. Yet he admitted that he had changed while they had been... Separated. She could live with that because they had changed for both good and bad. "Glad to hear it." she smiled up at his cold distant eyes, while her fingers touched his arm. The warmth she felt from his skin sent a tingling over her whole body. It relaxed her.

She looked down before finishing, "I can't lie to you. Not about how I feel..." her voice went quiet as she looked into his eyes again. Finding courage in his eyes, Mallory continued, "I still... I care...," she stopped to take a few calming breaths, "I still care for you, Mase. However, I don't... I mean, I can't assume the same about you, so I am telling you so that you will understand why I am going to avoid you. Why I can't see you anymore." She was crying softly now, letting the tears fall as she continued to hold his gaze. Afraid that if she looked away that their time now will be cut short. "Tell Nat--" A small sob broke her sentence as she covered her mouth and looked away from Mason. She felt empty, like she was a glass of water being poured out slowly.

[MASON HOWARD]

Jesus. This was infinitely more emotion than Mason ever cared to lay witness to, let alone before noon. And from Mallory, too, of all people. It was enough to make him want to get up and leave. Except that would have involved abandoning her here, and as much as the front of his mind was telling him that was the right thing to do, he couldn’t help but feel the sharp, stabbing pain coming from the back, and didn’t bother to resist as it anchored him to the seat.

He tried not to bite his lip as her hand brushed against his arm. Successful as he was in that conquest, he couldn’t bring himself to keep from glancing down that way, and so for a brief moment the ice left his eyes and he flicked his gaze down to his arm and back to her eyes. God, he hadn’t remembered them looking like that…Fuck. What was he doing? Mason shrugged, doing his best to ignore the warmth spreading from her touch. And the memory of how it’d felt when she’d kissed him not so long ago. And how a not-so-small part of him wanted to lean towards her and recreate it. Thank God the other part of him—the bit he’d fallen back on—was a hell of a lot bigger, and infinitely more interested in his overall well-being.

Fuck it all. She wasn’t seriously doing this, was she? Here, of all places? Wasn’t it just a bit…unexpected? And unwarranted? And downright unfair? She couldn’t lie to him. That was rather ironic, wasn’t it, seeing as he was doing enough lying for the both of them—and that was only to himself. Not that he liked to think about it like that. Mason’s jaw clenched. His fingers gripped the edge of the bench tight enough to turn his knuckles white. He turned the only way he could—away from her, eyes staring blankly out at the park spread before them. And although he hated himself for it, his jaw twitched slightly at her use of the old nickname; Veronica hardly even called him that, anymore. To hear Mallory of all people using it now was almost enough to make him get up and leave, if not because he despised the name, but the memories that went with it.

“Do you?” was all he could bring himself to say. Cold. Blunt. The words were dull, infinitely duller than his eyes, which flashed with pain at her sudden declaration. He should be happy about it, of course; it would make his life infinitely easier, if they could just avoid each other at all costs and he could just forget she existed all together. But God damn her and her tears. They always made things twenty times harder than they needed to be. Unable to ignore it any longer, Mason turned his head to look at Mallory, brow furrowed in a manner that somewhat resembled concern, and perhaps shone through the wall he’d so sturdily built around himself. “Look, you don’t—Crying’s not gonna help anything, Mal,” despite the harshness of his words, Mason’s voice was gentle, and he found his hand reaching up as if to wrap itself around her shoulders and pull her closer. Having noticed just what his subconscious was planning on doing, however, he halted, hand hovering awkwardly in the air between them for a moment as if pressed against an invisible glass pane, before lowering it back to the bench. There, it curled into a fist. “You don’t want to see me, you don’t want to see me. Nothing else to be said,” he shrugged, wishing he could look at her and not the ground for those words.

[MALLORY TORRES]

Mallory owed this to herself. She needed to confess everything now before she went over the deep end. Before she was so broken that not even Mason could fix her. No matter how much this hurt. No matter if it ruined everything with Mason. She couldn’t let her heart ache anymore. She had to let him go. She needed him to know the truth. She lost his gaze and her tears fell slowly down her cheeks as she watched him. The way he seemed so angry mad Mallory fight the urge to just apologize for wasting his time, but she held her ground. She’d let him hear this.

When she spoke the words, she immediately regretted them because the look in his eyes changed from cold to hurt. She knew Mason enough to notice the way his eyes seemed to glaze over. Their eyes met again before he spoke. He didn’t want her to cry because crying was useless. She knew that and she knew that her tears meant nothing to Mason, but they helped relieve some of the pain. She felt the closeness of his arm, but when he stopped… when he hesitated, she knew that she was imagining things. Her mind wanted him to comfort her, but he’d never hold her again.

“You don’t want to see me, you don’t want to see me. Nothing else to be said.”

His words echoed in her mind and sank into her heart. She had so much more to say, but he didn’t want to hear them. She should have spared him, but she had to. Her hand grabbed his and her fingers intertwined with his as she spoke, “I can’t go on feeling this way about you, Mason. This is the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do…” Her voice choked up a bit before she took a deep, shaky breath in, “I lo..” Her voice gave out. She turned from Mason releasing his hand and hugging herself. She needed support, she needed someone to hold her together and expecting Mason to was like living in the desert and wishing for rain. "I can't wait for you. I waited for far too long to have you come back to just... to just disappoint me. To let me feel the way that I do and not... and not get the same in return." She was speaking to the wind now that she was turned away from Mason, her tears falling faster and her vision blurred a bit.

[MASON HOWARD]

Mason inhaled sharply at first as her fingers laced with his. His heart doubled its rhythm as she began to speak, then fell apart. For a moment, he was still, stiff beneath her hand until a second later, he squeezed hers gently. It was the most he could allow himself, for fear of betrayal. Lucky thing, too, as she pulled her hand away just as the thought of wrapping an arm around her—really doing it, not just thinking about it—and that would have been beyond disastrous. God, he was screwed.

“Well, I’m sorry I’m not what you expected.” His words were cut, cold, and yet, they were crushing to speak. Of course, he truly was sorry, and his voice betrayed him ever so slightly; it would have been impossible for it not to, what with the way her words had shattered him so completely.“And I don’t expect you to wait. I never asked you to, Mallory. In fact, I’m surprised you did…” Still blunt, it was better that way. Of course, he’d hoped she would. And he’d known she had, even when he hadn’t spoken to her, and perhaps it was that knowledge that was both keeping him rooted to the spot and tugging at him to leave. They had lost time to make up for, after all...what the hell was he thinking?

He paused, took a deep breath.“That’s sort of the whole reason we, you know, stopped talking…” the words tasted like sandpaper. Shrugging, he turned away from her again, not wanting to look her in the eyes as he ran his fingers agitatedly through his hair. This was a lot more difficult than he’d thought it would be. He hated it.

[MALLORY TORRES]

It had felt good to cry. Like sincerely cry. She couldn’t left herself completely break down… not yet. She needed to wait… She needed to finish what she started here with Mason. Her words weren’t meant to hurt. They were meant to better inform, but Mason’s words… they cut deep. Deeper than she anticipated. He changed… Yeah, but so had she… However, she still loved him. Her heart still ached when he looked at her with his cold eyes. She tried so hard to resist the urge to look at him, but it failed. She released herself as she turned and looked into his eyes. “I waited because I couldn’t move on. I’ve never stopped… loving…” She frozen for a moment and gave herself a moment to think, “…what we had. Or what I thought we had.” She was doe-eyed now as she confessed all her deep secrets. This was far too easy… Would it hit her later on? Would she just start crying again and would the vulnerability come flooding back?

Mallory wasn’t expecting Mason to be so… calm. Mason looked like nothing was affecting him. Mallory could have been missing obvious signs… or Mason was just really good at disguising his emotions now. His statement wasn’t harsh, but her emotions seemed to intensify to it to some higher level. She watched him as he turned from her and swiped a hand through his hair. Her hand reacted to grab his hand… again, but she resisted and stuck to scooting a few inches away from him. “No. We stopped talking because you left…” Mallory was glaring at him now, “You made excuses to not talk to me before you left. You played me.” Her words were accusing and full of hurt as she looked at her hands.

Tags:[/color] Mason?
Notes:[/color] Ummmm.... I think Mallory is going to reveal something.... DRAMATIC?
Words:[/color] How much didja type?
Outfit:[/color] Show us your clothes!
Song:[/color] Lose Control by Keri Hilson
Credits:[/color] Made by Olley @ OUAC for Theo. Steal and die.[/size]

[MASON HOWARD]

Mason’s eyes met Mallory’s, although his darted back and forth for a moment, searching. He felt his heart speed up as though he was in the homestretch of a race and could see the finish line just a few hundred yards ahead; for a moment, he let himself think he could win. Then Mallory paused. He bit his lip as he watched her, waiting. As much as he hated himself for it, he could feel his palms begin to sweat slightly in anticipation.

And then she finished her sentence. Brows furrowing slightly, he nodded. She was right, then. He was right. Of course she wasn’t going to tell him that. There was no way he could ever expect it from her, after everything that had happened; or, more accurately, what he’d done. It was lucky enough she’d sat down with him in the first place. Mason swallowed hard, his hand rubbing roughly across the back of his neck as he spoke softly. “Well, I mean, I love..loved it too, but that doesn’t really…” he trailed off, not at all sure why he was speaking like this in the first place.

Mason glanced down at her hands as she spoke to him, although the glare still seemed to burn straight through him. He didn’t move as she scooted farther away from him, didn’t even look up, despite the urge to take her hand and draw her closer—at least give her a hug. Jaw tensing, Mason only looked up at her when she’d finished. His voice was clipped, although differently so, almost as though he was trying to contain something else between every word. “I didn’t ‘play you,’ Mal. I moved. What the hell was supposed to work with me across the country? We were just kids, anyway. It shouldn’t have even—” he paused, eyes wide for a moment as regret for what he’d been about to say took over. He recovered quickly enough, however, and continued. “I mean, it’s not as if we didn’t turn out alright…Besides, it was better that way. Me not talking to you,” he spoke a bit slower now, looking down to his own hands. “I mean, it ended it for real, you know?”