Finders Keepers Applies to Trees as Well {Tommy}

[layniemasterson]

"It's a beautiful day; go outside and enjoy it!"

That's what Sarah had said little more than an hour ago. While the woman may have tried to disguise it as a mother trying to ensure her daughter's well-being, Laynie knew what it really was: A ploy to prevent any baking that might have gone on from the time Sarah left to show a house to the time she returned to the apartment. The woman had recently start dieting, and this time, according to the "rules", the dieter was allowed only one small sugary treat for each month the diet was continued, and Laynie's constant baking would not help at all. Sarah religiously watched Access Hollywood and various other tabloid news programs, so every now and then she would go on ridiculous diets that were purportedly extremely effective, and while Laynie thought that the idea of "It worked for an incredibly famous movie star so it will work for you, meager peasant!" was laughable, it seemed logical to Sarah. Laynie had also figured out that arguing with her adoptive mother was futile, as the latter would respond to each doubtful comment, "Just give it time!" Predictably, by the time she decided to stop the diet, nary a pound had been lost. Frankly, though, Laynie didn't think Sarah needed to lose any weight at all.

Laynie shifted her position in the tree and situated herself comfortably. It was a tree at the edge of a picnic area, smaller than other trees and superb for climbing. She had hung her purse on a branch that was close enough so she could reach for it without risking her life, and from that purse produced a Care Bear notebook and a purple mechanical pencil. She was writing another short story, and for some reason Laynie could only write when no one in her general area was going to interrupt her creativeness, and sitting up among the leaves gave her a sense of privacy. After all, Laynie rarely ever saw people climbing trees in this area. They were either picnicking or participating in a somewhat physical activity that involved neither climbing nor trees. She wasn't complaining, though; this was her tree, and she intended for it to stay that way.

[DAN KAPLAN]

Tree climbing! It was Tommy’s favorite thing!

Tommy was often bored on Saturdays. He’d woken up in his room with an empty apartment as usual: his Aunt and Uncle had been out at work, while Mallory was probably out partying or doing some other really cool thing that Tommy wished he could be cool enough to do. But he would be, someday. When he was President. The President could go to whatever parties he wanted to, right? When Tommy was President, if he didn’t get invited to a party, he’d run the party guests over with his Presidential Tractor. So there.

“C’mon Sparky!” he called, shoving his skateboard across the sidewalk and down the path through central park. Tommy loved this part of the park: there were picnic tables clustered throughout the grass, with snack bars selling lots of good food and yummy snacks surrounding the border. There was nice grass for Sparky to play in, and sometimes, if you looked hard enough, you could find an abandoned Frisbee just lying in the grass, perfect for playing with your dog. There was a PortiPotti in one corner where Tommy always hid from the big scary kids who came through every once in a while with cigarettes and other scary things.

But Tommy’s favorite part was the trees. He loved the trees: they all had just the right amount of limbs, perfect for climbing. One, in particular, was Tommy’s favorite. He loved to climb it, and had even tried to get Sparky to climb it once, though Sparky was a pretty bad climber. Definitely not as good a climber as Tommy.

“Go, Sparky! Go play!” He tossed his skateboard into the undergrowth to the side, sending his puppy in a frantic scurry to find it. Once Sparky was safely occupied he began to climb. Each foot found each branch expertly; Tommy had climbed this tree so many times that he could do it with his eyes closed.

He opened his eyes when he reached his favorite sitting-spot and saw…

A girl?

”Hey! This is my tree!” Tommy pouted, his lower lip protruding slightly as it often did when he was annoyed. ”And there are no girls allowed in my tree!”

Seriously. Girls were scary. All they did was giggle and talk about Justin Bieber, and Tommy didn’t understand them at all. Better to just avoid them, as far as he was concerned. And not have them get their girl germs all over his special tree.

[layniemasterson]

A male voice interrupted Laynie's reverie. Not only that, but it reiterated a phrase that only eight-year-olds will say: "No girls allowed!"

Laynie wrinkled her nose and remarked rather scornfully, "That's a terribly juvenile thing to say." She was being unusually stuck up - of course, in the way that a nineteenth century heiress might be stuck up - but this kid was a menace. "And for your information, this is my spot." What children they were being, Laynie thought, over a simple tree! Of course, trees provided oxygen and paper and warmth and shady places to sit, and therefore were not simple, and this tree belonged neither to her nor to Mr. No Girls Allowed, but to the state of New York. Wait, why was she being technical now? This was the time to stand her ground! And this child would not stop her!

"Kid, the polite and gentlemanly thing to do is to let me stay here, not only because I'm a lady - have you ever heard the phrase, 'ladies first'? - but also because I was here first, and if you were to think of this in the same way that a safe driver drives, you would be 'yielding the right-of-way to other drivers', or letting me stay here, and thus 'avoiding a collision', or avoiding an altercation between you and I." Laynie plastered an obviously fake, forced mixture of a grin and a grimace on her face, in an attempt to shoo the boy off, but it felt like the Joker's grin had been taped over her mouth and Laynie thought that the end result might send him screaming and running instead.

[DAN KAPLAN]

Tommy’s eyes widened as he heard this girl talk. She didn’t talk like a girl at all! He heard a rustling behind him as Sparky darted from the bushes, Tommy’s skateboard in mouth. ”Thanks, Spark,” he whispered, ruffling his dog’s fur as he grabbed the skateboard, wrinkling his nose at the slobber that dripped from it. Slobber was so gross. Seriously.

"That's a terribly juvenile thing to say."

Tommy didn’t know what the word ‘juvenile’ meant, but he assumed it was an insult. ”I’m so not juvenile!” He put his hands on his hips and wrinkled his nose in the most stern face he could possibly make. ”So there! You’re juvenile! And also I get to say whatever I want, ‘cause this is my tree.” He stuck out his tongue for emphasis.

"And for your information, this is my spot."

”Nuh-uh it’s not!” He reached over and flicked the girl’s shoulder, hoping this would show her that she really needed to be on her way. ”I sit here every day at approximately 3:30 PM after school’s over.” This wasn’t anywhere near true, but he hoped she would believe it. It seemed plausible enough, right? Yeah. Yeah, it did. ” Do you sit here every day at approximately 3:30 PM after school’s over? I’ll bet you don’t!” There. He had her. He laughed. What was she gonna say to that, huh? Huh? Tommy was so cool.

"Kid, the polite and gentlemanly thing to do is to let me stay here, not only because I'm a lady - have you ever heard the phrase, 'ladies first'? - but also because I was here first, and if you were to think of this in the same way that a safe driver drives, you would be 'yielding the right-of-way to other drivers', or letting me stay here, and thus 'avoiding a collision', or avoiding an altercation between you and I."

Tommy had to pause for a minute here. On the one hand, you probably had to be a gentleman to be cool. Right? You probably couldn’t be a President unless you knew how to eat crumpets and tea and be polite and stuff. But on the other hand, you couldn’t be President by just letting people have your special seat whenever you wanted. And Tommy did not want to be assassinated, because then he wouldn’t get to drive the Presidential Tractor around, and that was something he’d been looking forward to his whole life. ”I don’t know anything about driving,” he commented truthfully, ”but I know that I’m a guy, and guys are totally the superior gender. Never been a girl President, has there? And also, I'm the coolest here, because I have cool college friends. So there! You better give me my seat back, Missie!” That said, he scurried up the remainder of the tree and plopped down next to the girl on his favorite branch.