Spring Cleaning in Winter {Darius}

[JOEY ROOKS]

Ugh, so tired. So, so fucking tired. Maybe the late-night video game marathon at Jamie’s wasn’t the best idea. Joey shuffled in after the sun was already up and shining, and it was wrong somehow. Her and Jamie had fallen asleep sprawled out on the couch, and as sweet as he was—his bony bod did not make a comfortable pillow. So Joey was all kinds of uncomfortable and sore. Her red hair which had gotten a nice do-over by a strange random kid out in the city, was pulled up into a sloppy ponytail, with blonde and orange pieces falling around her rather sleepy face.

She rummaged her pocket, trying to pull out the key, before thunking her head on the door. She was too tired to actually pull her hand out of her pocket. Maybe if she banged her head on the door hard enough, Darius would wake up and hear her. She had been surprised by Barrie’s co-ed dorms, but then again—it made sense. At first, Darius had been a little bit weird. But after some getting used to, Joey had decided he wasn’t actually that bad. A bit stupid, but not that bad. They had solidified their strange friendship, because Joey presented a jar of honey. But not just any honey. One of those jars from a farm where people raised their own bees, and made their own honey. There had even been a chunk of honey comb at the bottom of the jar. That, and a little bit of herbal friendship.

After the attack on Jamie, Joey had taken to smoking a bit more. Maybe not to the extreme of Darius, or other people she could name—but she wasn’t one to turn it down. So, with that—they seemed to get along pretty well. When she didn’t hear Darius’ bitching over her head-knocking, she forced her hand out of her pocket and shoved the key into the door, and pushed it open. What greeted her woke her up pretty quickly. There wasn’t a smell of weed, or that sweet smell of honey that seemed to lace their home.

Clorox.

And a lot of it.

“What the…” Joey straightened up, and let the door shut behind her. Was she in the right dorm? He glanced over the small futon that served as their couch where there was a rack with all her stuffed animal hats hanging off it. She was in the right room. So why did it smell like this? They didn’t have maids here, but it was clean. She looked down at the floor, and noticed vacuum tracks. She should have been grateful, pleased, happy that their dorm was clean. Her and Darius split the dishes and chores—but it never appeared to be…this clean. It scared her.

“DARE HARE! DARIUS! DARIUS!” She screamed, kicking off her lion slippers, and starting to tear through the house. Wait—maybe their Clean Invader was still in the house. Oh, dear God. She shoved her hand beside the fridge where they kept the broom, and gasped. She didn’t feel it. She pressed her face to the wall, and peeked in the crack between the fridge and wall—no broom. THEIR INVADER HAD TAKEN HER ONLY WEAPON. “DARIUS!” She screamed again, her panic mountain. OH GOD, THE INVADER WAS GOING TO CLEAN HER FRECKLES STRAIGHT OFF HER CUTE LITTLE FACE.

Tags: Monica / Darius / Olley / Joey
Notes: Bahaha. Joey so scurrrred.
Outfit: Aww.

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[DARIUS HARRISBURG]

Darius Harrisburg had had it with dirty fucking dorms.

Seriously. If he had to spend twenty million fucking hours tearing through giant piles of clothes and books and fucking mountains of shit looking for his blunt ever again, bitches were about to start dying. The Dare Hare was a busy, busy dude, and serious-fucking-ly. This room looked like a tornado had hit it or some shit. So cleaning up needed to happen. Like, right now.

So it was totally winter right now and not Spring, but you know what? The Dare Hare was his own fucking person, and he could do Spring Cleaning whenever the fuck he wanted to do Spring Cleaning, and all you calendar bitches could go fuck yourselves. Nobody told the Dare Hare what to do, especially not calendars. Fuck calendars. He was doing some Spring Cleaning in January.

So. First order of business had been to Clorox this place the fuck up because, seriously, he wasn’t getting sick because of goddamn germs all over everything. He didn’t even know like, what you were supposed to Clorox, but you know what? The Dare Hare did what he wanted. So he Cloroxed his bed, his desk, the floor, the windowsill, the wall, the door of his closet, his math homework, and every other piece of shit on his side of the room.

“What the…”

Darius looked up from a Honey jar he’d been Cloroxing. His roomie. Fucking hell, if she touched anything he’d already Cloroxed and got germs all up in that shit, he’d have to start this whole Spring Cleaning thing all over again, and then he was not going to be a happy fucking camper. ”Yo,” he greeted, glancing around for his next victim. ”Sup sup in the hizzy house?”

Determining that he’d Cloroxed the fuck out of everything he needed to, Darius’ eyes scanned the room, settling on a broom stashed beside the fridge. Perfecto. Sweeping was something cleaning ladies did, right? Not that the Dare Hare was a cleaning lady. Fucking hell no, he wasn’t no fat old hairnet lady with weirdass vacuum-cleaner brushes and shit. Darius would sweep because he fucking wanted to sweep. So he made his way to the refrigerator, grabbing the shit out of the broom and beginning to sweep the floor the way his parents’ cleaning lady always had. Not that he was a cleaning lady.

“DARE HARE! DARIUS! DARIUS!”

Okay, Darius had to admit, he’d been a pretty bad roomie. He’d done some things that totally should have pissed this chick the fuck off. But seriously? Cleaning? Now what in fuck’s name was wrong with cleaning? ”Ey, calm down!” He held up the broom in defense in case she decided to attack him or some shit. ”Just Spring Cleaning, not like I’m throwin’ some fuckin’ frat party or anything.” He began to resume his sweeping. “Wanna help, Joe? Grab a dustpan and you can follow me around and get all the dust and shit.” The smell of Clorox wafted to his nostrils, and he hoped that sweeping didn’t like, nullify the Clorox or anything. He’d spent a long fucking time on that Cloroxing and shit.

”And we’ll have some nice spliffs after. Aight?” Anything if she’d stop fucking screaming. Christ almighty.

Outfit be Hur