SHEPARD, Melanie Virginia

[MELANIE SHEPARD]

...melanie virginia shepard*
*i don't play well with the other kids
they know that i'm dangerous
it's evident i'm different
my punishment is eminent

they tell me that i'm no good
they say worse, that i have got a curse
i know that it's true*

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...basics*

name...

[/b][/size] Melanie Shepard
nickname...[/b][/size] She usually gets Mel or Melly, but honestly, she doesn't care either way.
age...[/b][/size] 20
gender...[/b][/size] Female
grade...[/b][/size] n/a
occupation...[/b][/size] Still looking for a job in the big city. Not a lot of people will hire a messy-haired girl without a college degree.
hometown...[/b][/size] Fayetteville, North Carolina
sexuality...[/b][/size] Heterosexual. She has experimented before, but her only relationship with a girl didn't exactly work out, and romance with girls reminds her of that, so.
personification...[/b][/size] Black Sheep (from the nursery rhyme Baa Baa Black Sheep)
status...[/b][/size] Awake, but the sheep only appears on bad days. On other days, she tends to forget it exists.
face claim...[/b][/size] Charli XCX[/blockquote]

...appearance*

physical...

[/b][/size] The first thing someone would likely notice about Melanie is her hair. Naturally black, thick, and curly, it's usually messy simply because she never spent more than one minute trying to brush it or fix it up all her life, and especially now. It's sort of her trademark, really, and she likes to think she got it from her African-American grandmother, as she did her chocolate-caramel eyes.

She has a small frame, thin because she only eats one or two meals a day, and only makes herself look smaller by slouching and keeping her eyes away from others. Standing at only 5'3" is a gift to her, as she believes that if she keeps her head down so people can't look into her eyes, then no one will know what she had done. Those who do get to see her face will notice that she has full lips and a nose that's not too big or too small.

If she considered tanning, her skin would darken well, and would be difficult to burn. But mostly, she stays inside in her apartment and only goes outside if she's just passing through to go to the store...

clothing style...[/b][/size] ... But even if she remained outside, it wouldn't likely have any effect on her skin because she keeps most of it covered. She tends to hide herself away in layers of monotone clothing, hiding as much as she can without the threat of heatstroke in the summer. It's almost as if she's cast herself into some stage of mourning, as she's never seen in bright patterns or colors (apart from white, occasionally, and it's usually accompanied by blacks and grays) or revealing cuts. Shorts are a rarity, and tank tops are usually only worn as undershirts or pajamas.

As for hair and makeup, she hardly ever bothers with it. On some days, she'll wear a bow or hat and maybe put on some darker eye makeup, and maybe raise her head a bit. But she doesn't own anything but black, gray, or white, in any case, apart from the silver sheep pendant she got when she was five.

defining traits...[/b][/size] There's nothing that really stands out about her, and she likes it that way. Well, if she wears short sleeves (rare), you can see some nasty looking scars on her left arm, along with some cleaner ones. [/blockquote]

...personal info*

personality...

[/b][/size]
Melanie doesn't really get close with most people, at least, she doesn't mean to. Ever since the incident, she tries to avoid people in order to not hurt them. Though she'll be polite and start a conversation with a person near her if they seem friendly enough and reply if someone talked to her, but most of the time, she'll only sustain a short conversation and make it impossible for them to meet again. It's not that she has trust issues, it's just that she doesn't trust herself. She feels like the few people she ever got close to are dead because of her, and that fate will meet anyone else she gets close to in the future.

Though she once was very extroverted, she was forced to be an introvert by the other girls at her middle school who made fun of her messy hair and poor taste in clothing. She was also a bit odd, talking in rhymes sometimes and hugging complete strangers she thought were upset. Empathy was always something she was in tune with, and usually she could tell how people felt just by looking at them. Not everyone was grateful, though, as she can't tell when people are trying to hide their feelings and don't want them to be acknowledged. The incident caused her to sever all ties with people, but she's still very empathetic, just doesn't acknowledge that gift anymore, even though she wishes she could.

Though she tries to cut herself off, Melanie simply cannot do it. She loves people despite whatever faults they may have, and only doesn't connect with them because of her own faults. She's always been a very giving person, and that's only been strengthened by the incident because she thinks she needs to repent. Sometimes she promises to give more than she actually has, and then blames herself when she can't handle it. She also will rarely tell someone 'no'. Unless it's a felony, she won't hesitate to do something for someone if they ask her.

One thing she never does is complain. Though she may come off as an angsty teenager, you'll never hear her complain about a single thing in her life. She keeps all of the blame inside and will find a different outlet for it than burdening someone else with it. They don't deserve to have to deal with all her problems along with whatever ones they may have.

She also hardly ever judges based on appearance. Her dad was paraplegic since before she was born and her grandmother is black, so she's used to at least those two groups and doesn't see any point in looking at them or talking to them different than any other person in the world. Usually, she hardly notices any difference at all, let alone acknowledges it.

Since the incident, she's wanted to help others who feel the kind of guilt she has, somehow, someway, as if it would lessen her own pain in the process. She's read into the archetype of the wounded healer , the analyst who helps themselves heal while healing the pain of someone else. She wants this more than anything, to fix someone, if only to help her conscience. The only reason she hasn't is that it would involve getting close to someone, and she still isn't ready for that. Not yet, at least.

life until now...[/b][/size] Bill Shepard met Felicia Fields at a fair in Washington, Missouri, in the middle of a hail storm. They were both sixteen, and had to huddle under a snack booth together to escape the hail. He was a farm boy with dreams of joining the Army, and she was a bi-racial beauty with dreams of being a dancer. Bill's parents disapproved, as they were racists from father south in Missouri, but he didn't care. Felicia's family was mainly afraid, as her parents knew the risks, but still invited him over for dinner while they dated. Her house was an hour away, but every Sunday, Bill drove his truck all that way to go to church and have dinner with Felicia and her family.

When they turned eighteen, he married her and then enlisted in the Army. They moved to a little house in North Carolina where he would be stationed at Fort Bragg, and started their life together by trying to have a child. It meant that Felicia had to stop dancing for a little while, but she was perfectly okay with it.

One day, she fell down the steps at their house while Bill was at work, and shattered her kneecap and lost the baby. It crushed her dreams of professional dancing, and the miscarraige was extremely hard to deal with. She started to look for a job so as to not be alone while Bill was at work, and found one at a manufacturing plant. Her parents moved to North Carolina once they heard about the accident, and she went over there on her days off. Her father had cancer for a few years at that point, though, and so she was also with the hospice worker. She never asked Bill to take off work and refused his offer to take a while off to spend time with her.

A year later, they tried again, but she miscarried for unknown reasons. It was almost as if they weren't meant to have a child, someone to take care of with the jobs tht they had, and Felicia didn't want to try anymore.

Three years passed before they tried again, and this time, she carried the baby almost to term. Almost.

One day, Bill was sent out to handle a situation, and certain things went wrong and their vehicle was blown up while he was only ten feet away. Ten feet, and a piece of the door was shot right into his spinal cord.

He was rushed to the hospital and eventually honorably discharged and brought back to North Carolina in a wheelchair, having to remain in the hospital for a while for other tests. He had no way of contacting Felicia until it was over with, and all he got to say was that he was in the hospital.

Everyday while Bill Shepard was at work, Felicia worried that he wouldn't come home, and this was her biggest fear. The stress of learning he was in the hospital pushed her over the edge and she started going into labor one month early.

When the baby was born, she wasn't breathing. The doctors had to take her out of the room and work on her, trying to get her to breathe, though they didn't expect much. But suddenly, the baby started crying, and they brought her back to her parents, tears in some of their eyes.

All three of the family had to stay in the hospital for a little while longer, then went home after everything was okay. They brought her back in a few times for other check-ups but she was growing great. Felicia's knee was getting better, though she still had bad days, and everything seemed to be going good.

The day before Melanie's third birthday, however, Felicia was working at the plant and was asked to help fix a jam in the machinery since she was petite and could fit in it. They thought the power to that part was off, but suddenly, it turned back on, while she was still inside.

Bill was heartbroken, but Melanie wasn't old enough yet to understand, just knew that Momma wouldn't be around anymore. She comforted Bill when he was crying, telling him it would be alright, and sitting on his lap in the wheelchair and hugging him.

Soon after, they moved in with Eleanor Fields, Felicia's mother, and she insisted that Melanie be put into preschool. Bill reluctantly agreed, not wanting to be alone while Eleanor was at work and Melanie was at school, but he knew it was for the better. "William Shepard, you will put that girl in preschool or I'll put the veggies on the top shelf," was what convinced him, though he really wasn't mad; he never took his disability as a bad thing. "Daddy can't ever say no to Mama Ellie!" was a favorite catchphrase of Melanie's.

She prospered in preschool and elementary school. She had good reports from all of her teachers and a lot of friends that she loved and told her father and Mama Ellie about every day when she came home. Melanie misses those times dearly.

When middle school rolled around, however, things began to change. Melanie's friends from elementary slowly began to drift away, as she was considered a bit odd, as friendly to everyone as she was, she'd hug a complete stranger if they looked upset. Not everyone appreciated that, and rumors spread, and soon she was a bit outcast. She stopped trying to make friends with people, and started to try and do things on her own. Unable to tell her father, she got super defensive whenever he asked if there was a problem.

Eventually, Mama Ellie stepped in, and she told her about it. From that day, she was her main confidant, and Eleanor relayed the information to Bill. He didn't know what to do, but Eleanor said she would take care of it.

Of course, when she called the school, they couldn't do anythig about it. They could have all the seminars about bullying they wanted, but it didn't stop.

As a result, Melly began acting out, closing herself off from her dad and Mama Ellie and opening up to a variety of more dangerous things. Alcohol was one of her main ways of forgetting about her issues. She started showing up at parties she wasn't invited to and became the life of them. She was a stupid drunk, and reason was beyond her.

Sober, she really only had two friends. Mark, a short-but-sweet boy from her street, and Dana, her eventual girlfriend. Neither of them approved of her drinking but didn't know how to stop her.

It got a lot worse after Mama Ellie died.

She had gotten cancer a few months before but couldn't afford treatment and wouldn't place that burden on Bill. Melly was home that night, by her deathbed, when she told her not to worry about what the others at school said, and just to let it go and be whoever she wanted to be.

Melanie locked herself in her room for a couple of days after that, without a word to her father. When she came out, she went straight to Dana's and told her what happened, and spent the night there.

She started drinking again, but it was on a whole other level. She drank every night, and a lot. Eventually she found a way to take it home with her and self-medicate. Dana and Mark knew, and eventually they figured out what to do.

When Bill Shepard found out, he wasn't mad, just like he wasn't when he found out Dana wasn't just a friend. He just knew his Little Lamb wasn't happy, and it was essentially his job to make sure she was happy.

They knew where she was that night, so they all took Dana's car to the house she was partying at.

At the same time, a boy tried to take advantage of a drunk Melanie, and she took his keys and left in his truck. Melly got lost and came to an intersection. So did Dana, Mark, and Bill. She hit their sub-compact with the truck, and it didn't end pretty.

Melanie was the only survivor.

She was arrested but eventually acquitted. She didn't deserve that. She deserved to rot in prison. Melanie Shepard deserved to rot in Hell.

the present...[/b][/size] About a year after the incident, she tried to commit suicide. She was only eighteen, so her neighbor came by to check on her and called 911. She was saved, but the scars on her left arm would remain with the ones from the shattered glass from the accident. She was put on watch for a while after that, but eventually became too angry to try anything like that again. She stopped believing in God, or at least stopped believing he cared about her. If Mama Ellie hadn't died, then she wouldn't have been drinking and driving.

Surprisingly, it got a little better when she realized it was her fault.

And then the sheep came.

She hadn't been sleeping for a while and wasn't allowed any medication. So she was trying a few ridiculous rituals, like counting sheep. Melanie could invision the sheep, but so she counted. One, two, three white sheep. The fourth wouldn't jump over the fence in her mind, so she started over. One, two, three white sheep. Still nothing, so she tried again.

This time, a black sheep appeared and knocked down the fence, and she heard chanting.

one for my master one for my dame one for the little boy who lives down the lane the master the dame the boy down the lane the master the dame the boy down the lane

She recognized it right away, as she had a toy when she was little in the shape of a white lamb that would play that when squeezed. It was still on her shelf, so
she turned on her lamp and looked up at it.

It was pitch black.

She packed her bags that morning and left for New York City, a bigger place where she could hide from the sheep. It still haunts her, and that's why she hasn't moved on from the past. She's tried quite a few things to make it go away, but currently she's stuck in sort of a bargaining state. She does charity work and other things to try and repent and make it better, but it hasn't helped yet.

other notes...[/b][/size] I realize I had a character named Melanie, but this one is in no way affiliated. I just named her Melanie because it comes from the greek μελαινα (melaina) meaning "black, dark" and it was also the name of a saint who gave all her wealth to charity, so it's perfect to me. And then her last name Shepard because Shepherd because sheep, so I like to think her name is literally 'black sheep'.

Also, the 'catchy phrase' is from the song True Believer by Dragonette. [/blockquote]

...literature*

title... Baa Baa Black Sheep
backstory...

Bah, Bah a black Sheep,
Have you any Wool?
Yes merry have I,
Three Bags full,
One for my master,
One for my Dame,
One for the little Boy
That lives down the lane.

This is the orignal version of the nursery rhyme, though it's changed over time. It was published in 1774, and since then, many have tried to guess at what it means. A few negative examples being resentment at high taxation on wool, the slave trade, but it may just be that black sheep wool could be made into dark cloth without dyeing. But basically, someone asks this black sheep if he has any wool, and yes, he does, and plans on giving away three bags to three lucky individuals.

...the roleplayer*

hi guys it's hedgie

[/b][/blockquote]

...writing*

freestyle...

[/b][/size] i tried but i am a quitter
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