PHYSICS! {Xerxes}

[OLIVER QUINN]

Oliver was not a teacher.

He was a scientist, and scientists...well, they scienced, they didn’t teach! They most certainly did not teach, and yet, here he was, in this science classroom, sitting at this table in front of all these people because, for some reason, he was teaching.

Of course, he wasn’t ACTUALLY teaching. He had a good enough salary as it was, but they had been short a science teacher today, and he had been in the area, and, for whatever insane reason, he had volunteered to fill in for the day. He didn’t know the lesson plan, he didn’t know the students, and he didn’t know the syllabus. He was equipped with only the teacher’s notes for the day and the materials in the classroom, and that was all the more he had. Oh, wait, there was his own preexisting knowledge of physics, which, admittedly, was extensive.

Oliver had seated himself at the teacher’s desk and put his feet on the table. He was wearing a pair of old converse today – he didn’t know if those were appropriate teacher’s shoes, but, being Oliver, he didn’t consider it too deeply. He would only be here one day, no use in going home to change his shoes now. Besides, he had more important things to worry about, like this brand new machine idea he had that would blow beautiful glass vases all by themselves.

Anyway, converse aside, he otherwise looked vaguely teacher-esque. Exempting his hair, which was always sticking up every which way, and his generally uncomfortable demeanor in the classroom, he was dressed in a rather fetching brown pinstripe suit, with the addition of a tie spangled with embroidered cogs. It was his favorite tie, not that he wore ties all that often. He thought today would be a good opportunity to show it off.

Wait. Show off clothing? That was silly!

Oh. Oh! Students. Right, there were students here, and he needed to start teaching.

What was he doing? Physics. Right.

“Good morning, class!” he piped up, springing out of his seat. The students looked at him strangely, and he cleared his throat, trying to keep up the energy. “So!” he began. He grabbed a whiteboard marker and wrote PHYSICS on the whiteboard in red. “Physics!” He turned to the class, mustering an awkward smile. “Physics, eh? Physics. Phyyyyyysics. Physics... physics... physicsphysicsphysicsphysicsphysicsphysics.” He leaned back over the desk at this last part before straightening again, feeling a bit stiff and awkward under the gazes of the students. Oh, dear. He was being strange again, wasn’t he?

“I hope that you’re getting all this down,” he mumbled. “Okay! So. What do any of you know about physics...?” His eyes searched the class desperately, hoping for someone, anyone, to volunteer to say something.

[XERXES HARRISBURG]

If there was one class that made Xerxes want to cry, it was physics. He had literally like, no idea what it was that he wanted to major in or whatever, but he knew from a semester of physics to fulfill the school’s science credit requirement that there was no way in hell he was majoring in physics. Seriously. Physics made him want to run and hide behind a chair. The professor dude was like, this big, tall, scary bald guy with like, red eyes, he swore, and this loud booming voice that reminded Xerxes of…him.

Him. Xerxes knew that He wasn’t going to come. He never came during classes and in public places where he’d easily be noticed. But still. Xerxes never stopped thinking about Him, not even when he was supposed to be thinking about like, long equations and weird numbers and letters he’d never even heard of before, and other shit that he totally didn’t understand. Ugh. It was horrible. Not to mention that he always got episodes in this class. Like, literally always. All the time. And he legit hated it, all the other kids staring at him like he was some kind of weirdo freak person, and having to get up and leave the room and write notes to his teacher on a chalkboard and having to start over like six times because his hands were shaking so badly…and oh God, he just hated physics class.

He trudged into the scary classroom, fiddling nervously with his hair even though he knew he shouldn’t because the sweat on his palms would totally counteract the new hairspray he’d just bought, and then his hair would look really bad and that would just be super embarrassing. He took his seat and glanced at the board…

…only to notice that the super scary teacher dude wasn’t there today. Instead, there was some weird, unfamiliar, but totally not at all scary guy up at the front of the room. Xerxes felt his heart rise a few inches. Okay. Good. No big scary mean guy today. Today they’d have a TA. A nice, safe, happy TA who totally didn’t look like the type of dude who would have a big scary loud voice like His.

“Good morning, class!”

Xerxes breathed a sigh of relief. Alright. Good. So this dude was totally not going to have a big scary booming voice. In fact, his voice was kind of like, nice. Like, nervous. Like Xerxes always was. Xerxes liked people who were nervous like him.

“Physics!” He turned to the class, mustering an awkward smile. “Physics, eh? Physics. Phyyyyyysics. Physics... physics... physicsphysicsphysicsphysicsphysicsphysics.”

Xerxes felt a bit bombarded originally, but quickly smiled as he fell into the guy’s rhythm. He literally wasn’t scared by this guy. Not one eensie weensie little bit. Like, he was almost never like…NOT scared, unless he was around Annamarie. But this guy…he was like, nice. He was a nice guy. ”Physics, yeah,” Xerxes muttered quietly to himself, nodding. And he used simple words too, not big, scary, complicated things like the big scary professor used that didn’t even make sense to Xerxes. ”Physics physics physicsphysicsphysics.” Good. He understood this lesson so far.

“I hope that you’re getting all this down,” he mumbled. Xerxes jumped to attention, quickly grabbing a pencil and paper from his desk and scribbling copiously. Physics. Physics. Physicsphysicsphysicsphysics. He hoped this would all be on the test. That would like be, such an easy test. Oh man, he’d totally get an A+ on that test. He’d never gotten an A+ on anything except for one assignment in his Medieval Philosophy course where all you’d had to do was draw a picture of your house. Yeah. He’d totally aced that.

“Okay! So. What do any of you know about physics...?”

Physics. Okay. Xerxes generally felt like, petrified with fear whenever the big scary bald dude asked a question. But he felt totally not scared at all right now. Seriously. This guy was so cool. Xerxes raised his hand eagerly. ”Uh, physics is, uh, the study of like, matter and energy and…stuff.” Right? Right, that sounded right. Xerxes grinned silently in the back row, proud of himself.

[OLIVER QUINN]

This was going perfectly well! Look at all those students, looking at him with...uh...utterly confused faces...well, that was alright. He was only going to be here this once, and he was determined to make some kind of impression. Make this science stuff understandable, just for a day. Hopefully. That was his intention, anyway, not so sure how he was going to go about it.

He scanned the class hopefully, taking in the faces as he turned over his lesson plan again and again in his head. First, get an idea of what they know, where they are. Then, start with whatever is supposed to come next. The notes the teacher had left for him were horribly confusing, and he didn't really want to read them, because he was terrible at following directions. Always had been. He liked to fix and improve upon everything he saw. It was the way his mind worked. And he was going to improve on this man's teaching, yes he was.

Down to business, then.

There was a short period of silence after he had made his inquiry of the class, and then a few tentative hands went up. He called on a few people, but all of them either seemed to give him definitions out of a textbook, or ones that didn't convey a significant amount of understanding. He was about to give up and start at the very beginning when he called on a boy in the back with simply enormous hair. (It was really quite impressive.)

”Uh, physics is, uh, the study of like, matter and energy and…stuff.”

Oliver grinned. "Yes!" he exclaimed. "That, indeed, is a very big part of physics. Matter and how it moves in spacetime! Energy, force, movement!" He clapped his hands together excitedly. "In general, class, it's the study of the way the entire universe works. And that's what makes it so fascinating. For example."

He paused, and drew a large sun on the board. "This is the sun. Not just any sun, our sun. The star Sol, a medium-sized, middle-aged yellow star." Looking out at the class, he grinned. "But why does it burn? Further than that, HOW does it burn? How did it get there? Why do the planets move around it? THAT, my friends, that is physics. None of this boring calculation you've probably been learning, although that's a part of it. It's about the why and the how, the two most interesting questions you can ever ask."

Hey, he wasn't bad at this whole teaching thing.

Smiling and proud of himself, he sat down on the corner of the teacher's desk and looked out at the class again. "So tell me," he said, "or rather, ask me. Ask me some whys and some hows. Anything, so long as it's got to do with the way things work."

[XERXES HARRISBURG]

Xerxes nodded and smiled as he listened to this dude talk. Okay, so Xerxes totally took back what he’d said earlier about physics being scary. This guy was totally not scary. Like, not in any way scary. Xerxes felt his terror subsiding the way it did when he was with Annamarie: not gone, obviously, like, never gone, but like a dull ache. Like a…really not very bad headache or something. This guy was nice and happy and friendly and didn’t stand there yelling equations at them and then yell at them again when they didn’t remember them because they were too distracted by like, his yelling and stuff. Xerxes just hated that guy. But this guy seemed nice. Really nice.

"Yes!" he exclaimed. "That, indeed, is a very big part of physics. Matter and how it moves in spacetime! Energy, force, movement!" He clapped his hands together excitedly. "In general, class, it's the study of the way the entire universe works. And that's what makes it so fascinating. For example."

Energy, force movement. Xerxes hurriedly wrote that down. That wasn’t an equation, right? As long as it wasn’t like, an equation, Xerxes would probably be able to remember it. God, he just hated equations. They were so scary, almost as scary as the big tall bald dude. They made him want to hide. And He liked equations. So Xerxes tried to avoid them at all costs.

"This is the sun. Not just any sun, our sun. The star Sol, a medium-sized, middle-aged yellow star."

Our sun. Xerxes nodded, eyes wide in fascination, as he copied the dude’s drawing of the sun into his notebook. That didn’t sound like an equation either. But…the sun was just…that thing in the sky that made stuff warm and burned you when you laid down on the beach…right? And physics was a bunch of big, scary equations that didn’t make sense…so what could like, the sun possibly have to do with physics? Xerxes raised his hand tentatively. ”Uh…sir? Mr…uh…” He said the first thing that popped into his head. ”Mr. Physics? What does the sun…I mean…” He could feel his face getting like, all red and stuff. Oh God, oh God, this guy was going to think he was stupid now, wasn’t he? ”Never mind,” he finished sheepishly, kicking the toe of his boot into the ground.

"But why does it burn? Further than that, HOW does it burn? How did it get there? Why do the planets move around it? THAT, my friends, that is physics. None of this boring calculation you've probably been learning, although that's a part of it. It's about the why and the how, the two most interesting questions you can ever ask."

The why and the how. That sounded like something that would totally be on the test. Xerxes scribbled that down. Wait…so calculation wasn’t physics? Those big, complicated equations weren’t actually physics either? Wait, okay, like, now he was confused. Not as confused as when he tried to like, solve one of those four-page-long math problems that the big bald dude gave them, but still, pretty confused. Somehow, even when it wasn’t confusing, physics was like, totally confusing. And that sentence had just been like, really confusing. Ugh, this was just all hurting his brain.

"So tell me," he said, "or rather, ask me. Ask me some whys and some hows. Anything, so long as it's got to do with the way things work."

Xerxes raised a tentative hand. ”Wait…” he started, trying to figure out how to say this without like, messing up like he had the last time. Ugh, that had been so embarrassing. But he had to know. ”So if, say, there was like, an evil pig, who could like, teleport through time and come murder people on Earth…would that be physics? Or no?”

Okay, so maybe he’d been a little too specific. But he had to know. If there was a way to stop Him from coming using physics, Xerxes would study all the physics in the world to do it.

[OLIVER QUINN]

Oh, this was already rewarding! Teaching! Science! Physics! Fantastic, absolutely fantastic. He had never imagined this could all be so much fun, educating young minds. He answered a few questions from other students before he noticed the aloft hand of the young man in the back with the exotic hairstyle.

“Yes?” he called, pointing to him.

”Uh…sir? Mr…uh…Mr. Physics? What does the sun…I mean… Never mind.”

Oliver chuckled, not a derogatory chuckle, but just an amused one, largely at the substitution of “physics” for his name. He wouldn’t have minded if his name were Physics. Couldn’t much ask for a better name. “You can call me Mr. Quinn, if you like, but Mr. Physics suits me just fine. And go on, no need to be scared, no question is stupid!”

However, the boy didn’t seem very much intent on finishing that statement, so Oliver moved on, going on and answering the questions of several other students. He was happy to explain gravity, refraction, waves, anything they really had to ask as long as it had to do with physics – which, really, everything had to do with. After all, physics wasn’t just about equations, it was about the world.

The boy in the back was raising his hand again. Oliver called on him.

”Wait…” he started, trying to figure out how to say this without like, messing up like he had the last time. Ugh, that had been so embarrassing. But he had to know. ”So if, say, there was like, an evil pig, who could like, teleport through time and come murder people on Earth…would that be physics? Or no?”

The question took Oliver by surprise, and he heard the class murmuring, not sure what to make of the boy’s inquiry, whether or not it was serious. Oliver was similarly perplexed, but he decided to take the question as seriously as possible, if only for the fun of it.

”Well, uh,” he began, turning to the board and hesitantly erasing it. “That’s an interesting question, but one that can be answered with physics and science. Now.” He drew a line on the board. “This is how most people view time.” He drew another line, and then branched it off into two lines, and then two more. “This is more how physicists view time. Some people believe that, with each decision you make, no matter how small, an alternate reality is created in which you take the road not taken, so to speak.” He turned back to the class. “Now, there is no way to bridge the gap between these realities or even prove they exist. It’s all relative theories. But what science does know is that, insofar, time travel is impossible. There are these mysterious things called wormholes that could have such an effect, but going through one would probably kill you. And then there’s the concept of speed. Did you know, that the faster you’re moving, the slower time around you is going?” A grin crossed his face. “So, for instance, if I ran around this room three times at the speed of light, it might only be a few seconds for me, but it would be ages for you.”

Clearing his throat, he pointed back to the board. “Based on that, I’d say no, a person, let alone a pig, probably couldn’t teleport through time. Teleportation is another thing that hasn’t been proven possible, and time travel in and of itself is something that physics has all but deemed unachievable.” He pushed up his glasses and smiled at the boy. “Does that answer your question?”

[XERXES HARRISBURG]

Xerxes scribbled furiously, taking down any and every syllable that Mr. Physics said. School was like, not Xerxes’ thing at all, but suddenly, for some reason, he was totally interested in this class. He couldn’t miss anything this dude said. What if he missed something that could be the key to getting rid of Him, of Piglet? Xerxes had totally never thought he’d be saying this, but…he actually like, needed to pay attention in this class.

“You can call me Mr. Quinn, if you like, but Mr. Physics suits me just fine. And go on, no need to be scared, no question is stupid!”

”Okay, Mr…” Xerxes instantly forgot Mr. Physics’ real name, but he nodded emphatically anyways. ”Okay,” he concluded lamely. God he hoped this guy didn’t think he was super lame. He probably did though, didn’t he? Mr. Physics probably thought he was like, actually the stupidest, most lame person in the world. He couldn’t even remember this guy’s name! Okay, okay, stay calm. Stay calm. He took deep breaths, the way he always did when big, scary things were happening. He just had to make himself sound smart. That was easy enough, right? Actually, that was probably going to be like, really hard to do. But he could do it. Right?

“This is more how physicists view time. Some people believe that, with each decision you make, no matter how small, an alternate reality is created in which you take the road not taken, so to speak.”

Xerxes scribbled feverishly with his right hand, making sure to copy the diagram exactly the way that Mr. Physics was drawing it. Even the tiniest line could have a clue, he knew. His left hand rose slowly. "So...okay." He tried to work through the scenario in his head. "So wait. So could one of these alternate realities be, like, hypothetically, for example, lets say, an alternate reality where...animals talked? Animals like...pigs? And stuff?" Actually, he was probably wrong. Xerxes was always wrong when it came to physics. God, why couldn't he just like, be better at school things?

"And then there’s the concept of speed. Did you know, that the faster you’re moving, the slower time around you is going?” A grin crossed his face. “So, for instance, if I ran around this room three times at the speed of light, it might only be a few seconds for me, but it would be ages for you.”

Speed, Xerxes thought to himself. Wait, what? Now that was confusing. So if this guy ran around at the speed of light, then it would still take him a really long time? Wasn't the speed of light like, supposed to be fast? "So if I'm on a plane, and my brother's on the ground, then it would feel like a really short time for me, but a long time for my brother before I landed? But wouldn't...that would mean time was going slower for me, right? But then...technically wouldn't one of us be time travelling? Like, which one of us is like on...real time?" Never mind. All this hard like, physics stuff was starting to make Xerxes' brain hurt.

“Based on that, I’d say no, a person, let alone a pig, probably couldn’t teleport through time. Teleportation is another thing that hasn’t been proven possible, and time travel in and of itself is something that physics has all but deemed unachievable.”

But he is, Xerxes wanted to shout. He can teleport. He teleports all the time. But this guy said it was impossible. Xerxes was probably just crazy. Maybe Piglet was just a figment of his imagination. What if he was in a mental hospital right now, and all this stuff was just going on in his head? What if he was like, on an acid trip? Oh God, he didn't want to be on an acid trip. Xerxes didn't even know what acid looked like. Teleportation...not...possible... he scribbled in his notebook, rather dissapointedly.

[OLIVER QUINN]

Well, this was all very odd, this bit about pigs and teleportation and all that nonsense. Of course, that wasn't possible! Everything Oliver had ever learned told him that wasn't possible. Well, of course, not everything in the universe had been unearthed, but still. Not in their generation, no, probably no teleporting or time travel. Maybe far into the future, scientists would figure out how to do all of that, but nowadays, it wasn't likely, not at all.

He could tell the kid was forgetting his name already, but that was okay. Names weren't really that important. As a scientist whose inventions were usually remembered better than his actual name, he was used to remaining, at least on the public level, nameless. He was okay with that. It didn't matter to him. Still, maybe he should write his name on the board.

Right. Best do that. He turned around and scribbled it on the board as the boy spoke.

"So...okay. So wait. So could one of these alternate realities be, like, hypothetically, for example, lets say, an alternate reality where...animals talked? Animals like...pigs? And stuff?"

Oliver grinned. He loved questions like this.

"Well, there are a lot of theories about that," he said, tossing the pen into the air and catching it. "Some physicists theorize that there are undoubtedly so many parallel universes and the universe itself is so vast that almost anything you can imagine is true somewhere. Of course, we know that animals on Earth can't talk except for some very talented parrots, but...well, I'm personally part of the school of thought that believes that, if you can imagine it, then somewhere out there, it's probably true." He shrugged. The rest of the class was gaping at him like he was crazy; he laughed, waving his hand slightly.

"I know that sounds a bit wacky," he said, "but if you think about it, really think, it's not that strange at all. The universe is HUGE!" He threw his arms in the air for emphasis. "It's ENORMOUS! Unfathomably huge, and still growing! And if there really are parallel universes -- which, by the way, most physicists are fairly sure do exist -- then imagine how huge THAT is. We can't even comprehend it! So I figure, why not?" Another wide grin. He plopped down on his desk.

What was it with his boy with the hair and his pigs? Well, maybe he just liked pigs. Rightfully so, pigs were cool animals. Clever, too. Much cleaner than people thought. Pigs.

"So if I'm on a plane, and my brother's on the ground, then it would feel like a really short time for me, but a long time for my brother before I landed? But wouldn't...that would mean time was going slower for me, right? But then...technically wouldn't one of us be time travelling? Like, which one of us is like on...real time?"

Oliver tipped his head to the side pensively. "Well, all of us are time travelling," he said after a moment. "We're all moving forward in time. Of course, our time travel is one-way, we can't go forward or back any faster. In terms of the plane ride, there might be a slight variation, but it's the really fast speeds that make the difference in the travel through time really obvious. To answer your question, we're all in 'real' time, because there's no way for time to be unreal, but the person travelling at a faster speed is technically travelling more quickly through time. Of course, it's not so noticeable with just a plane."

[XERXES HARRISBURG]

Xerxes wasn’t going to lie, physics was starting to seem a lot more fun than it had previously, now that someone was like, actually explaining it to him. All the big scary bald guy had done in their class had been like, big confusing equations with so many numbers and letters that they made Xerxes’ head spin like he was in a tilt-a-whirl. But this new dude, Mr. Physics, or Mr. Quinn as the newly written name on the board implied, seemed like, super cooler than the big scary bald dude. The stuff he said was like, actually making sense to Xerxes’ like, feeble little brain, and man was it cool.

"Well, there are a lot of theories about that," he said, tossing the pen into the air and catching it. "Some physicists theorize that there are undoubtedly so many parallel universes and the universe itself is so vast that almost anything you can imagine is true somewhere.Of course, we know that animals on Earth can't talk except for some very talented parrots, but...well, I'm personally part of the school of thought that believes that, if you can imagine it, then somewhere out there, it's probably true."

If you can imagine it, then somewhere out there, it’s probably true. Shit. Shit. So all the scary stuff that Xerxes imagined…that was true? Or…probably true?

So Piglet…could Piglet be something he’d imagined? Oh God, if he’d imagined this terror that plagued him, if he’d brought all these terrible dreams and bloody hands and bloody faces and screams on himself…shit. That would change like, his entire game plan thing. That would change everything. ”So like…if I imagined something…and then it was real…but I didn’t want it to be real…would there be a way to like…make it not…real? With physics?”

"I know that sounds a bit wacky," he said, "but if you think about it, really think, it's not that strange at all. The universe is HUGE!" He threw his arms in the air for emphasis. "It's ENORMOUS! Unfathomably huge, and still growing! And if there really are parallel universes -- which, by the way, most physicists are fairly sure do exist -- then imagine how huge THAT is. We can't even comprehend it! So I figure, why not?"

Parallel universes. Xerxes scribbled the term feverishly in his notes. ”So a parallel universe would be like…a universe, but not our universe, a different one, but…similar to our universe?” He’d definitely seen something about this on like, some science type show on Discovery Channel or something. Or wait, maybe that had been a science fiction show instead of a documentary. Shoot. Oh, but science fiction shows were like, imagined by people, right? And Mr. Physics had said that things that were imagined by people were probably real.

So maybe…maybe parallel universes did exist. Especially if a lot of physicists thought they were real, because physicists were like, really smart people. Who was Xerxes to argue with them? ”So would there…okay, this might be a weird question, but…would there be a way to get to a parallel universe? Or like, to get from other universes to this one? I know you said there’s no way to teleport, but…” This was his last hope. The Hundred Acre Wood, that little word that was always echoing through his head whenever Piglet was about to come, could that be like…a parallel universe?

He leaned forward on his fists. Wow, he’d never been this into a class since like…forever. Xerxes always hated classes. He never like, understood what was going on, and teachers were scary and so many other students around him always made him feel like, totally claustrophobic. But this…he cared about this. This could help him get rid of…Him. And Xerxes was like, totally down for anything that could help with that. Even if it was a bunch of boring math.