and you have every right to be scared {evan}

[VIVIENNE BELLE]

Vivienne knew the exact reason she volunteered at All Hope Orphanage, she just couldn't quite put it into words.

She knew what it wasn't, of course. It wasn't necessarily to get closer to Evan Jackson, she could handle that as it was. They were closer now than Vivienne had ever really been with anyone. It wasn't just to seem like a good person - she knew she wasn't but she sure did try. It wasn't to distract her from why she was in New York City in the first place, that was just an added bonus. To not think about that for once was a godsend.

What the reason was, however, was harder to explain. The children smiled at her and hugged her whenever they saw her, as if their day brightened a little after she arrived. She cooked and cleaned up messes and explained the reasons they weren't allowed to do certain things and told them bedtime stories. That warmth in her heart whenever she was there was not matched by anything else she had ever experienced. When they cried, she held them and comforted them and told them it would be alright. No monster in any closet or under any bed could get to them because she banished them all to a far away land. For someone who had rarely actually smiled in her life, a genuine grin spread over her face when she was there. Those were all perfectly rational parts of the reason she worked there.

It had someting to do with the fact that Vivienne longed to be a mother. But this was the closest she could get.

A little girl, just below one year old, had started crying, and Vivienne quickly went upstairs to see what was the matter. She wasn't hungry, she didn't need her diaper changed, and Vivienne checked the etcetera. Though she seemed to cry a little less when she held her, so she took her downstairs to sit with her on the couch in the lounge as to not wake the other children. "Were you having nightmares, Maria?" she whispered to the her, knowing the baby couldn't answer but hoping her voice could soothe her. Maria quieted a little more and Vivienne sat on the couch, holding the baby gently but carefully. Then she began to sing.

"Hush little baby, don't say a word,
Momma's gonna buy you a mockingbird,
And if that mockingbird won't sing,
Momma's gonna buy you a diamond ring..."

The lullaby Vivienne herself had never really heard as child seemed to help and Maria was almost asleep She continued to sing it, repeating it after the end.

She smiled and continued to hold her for a little while, thinking about her future. Vivienne would never have her own baby in her arms like this, but this was close enough for her. This was how she could halfway fill that void. She was in a sweater and jeans and flats, with the fact that the roots of her hair had grown out the color hidden by a hat (since she couldn't find a ponytail), but she didn't mind because of moments like these.

She heard the door open and slowly turned her head around to see that it wasn't an intruder, and looked back at Maria, who continued sleeping. If it was an intruder, the alarm would have gone off, but it was instinctual of her to check.

With a smile, she stopped singing and said quietly, "Did you forget something?" Vivienne had realized Evan's phone was still sitting on the table in front of her, but didn't try to contact him because she had been preoccupied with getting the kids to bed and keeping them there. Today had been a wild day and the kids had still been a little hyper by the end of the day. "Shh, she's sleeping," she added, though it was obvious that she knew full well Evan wouldn't wake her. Vivienne glanced up at him once, but looked back at Maria and smiled a little brighter, her cheeks flushing a little bit, as if he hadn't seen this side of her before. Well, maybe not to this degree. Maybe not this close-up.

[/justify]

{ outfit }
{ where the title comes from }

[EVAN JACKSON]

Some nights, Evan felt extremely overwhelmed by the orphanage. How was Evan supposed to find a home for all the children that came flocking to his door? Occasionally, Evan took to downing a glass of scotch in pure anger and frustration. All these poor kids were growing up in an orphanage, and all they had was the hope that Mr. Jackson would find them nice parents who wouldn't send them running back. Look at Adriana! Evan wanted to shake the parents coming in who wanted the typical "sweet little blonde toddler". Not that Evan had anything against those little kids, but what was wrong with looking after a teenager, or even a preteen? Hell, the children around eight and nine definitely had it hard because they begin to understand that their chances are dropping fast. If Evan could have it his way, he'd say fuck it all and take the kids in himself. A lone grown man in a two bedroom apartment couldn't take care of the myriad of kids All Hope had, though.

If only some of the foster parents that came in looking weren't the low life scumbags hoping for a tax write-off. Evan had to control himself sometimes not to just kick their greedy asses onto the street and keep them away from his orphans. And honestly, that was one of the problems with a guy like Evan running an orphanage. He was protective in a blind-possessiveness way. If he ran All Hope like most of the skeeze bags known to run foster homes around New York, they'd constantly be popping out kids to home after home. The hopeful parents had to meet such high demands from Evan, though. He was even known to check up on some of the children he adopted out. It was all in the paperwork: Evan Jackson reserved the right to ensure the safety of the child for up to eighteen months after being adopted or fostered. It was such a bittersweet mourning to see a kid walk out his door with a new family.

Speaking of paperwork, though, Evan realized he had forgotten financial forms in his office. Thankfully, Vivienne was working that night, like most. Vivienne. Thinking the name left a warm glow in his chest; according to Evan, she was The One. They hadn't known each other for a long amount of time, but it was one of those things that you just knew. There was nothing Evan had been so sure of before; it was true and maybe even cliche, but Evan was completely smitten by Vivienne and he was positive there was no way someone like her could feel so strongly about someone like him. Since they were neighbors, Evan planned to call her and ask if she could bring the papers by on her way home; however, Evan had also left his phone at All Hope. An annoyed groan slipped out his lips as he put his fresh beer back in the fridge. Already changed into his version of pajamas (sweatpants and no shirt), Evan went back into his bedroom and dug out a shirt and jeans. It seemed like Evan would be pulling a night shift; once he was there, Evan didn't see the point in coming back only to turn around and go back to All Hope in a few hours. And, if Vivienne was there, the night might not be so dull. They could talk and check on the kids together. An amused grin crossed Evan's face; it'd almost be like one big family, as if Evan and Vivienne were the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to New York City's orphans.

Because he took a taxi, Evan didn't arrive at All Hope for another thirty minutes. With the late hour, Evan made sure to walk as stealthily in as possible, switching off the alarm as he entered and then turning it back on once inside. Nothing could harm these kids with the security system Evan had installed. Evan first made a stop at his office, flipping through the stacks of economic gibberish he had to sort through and make sense of. It could wait until morning, honestly. Or maybe he could hire his own personal accountant, or some sort of bank person to handle all of that; yeah, that seemed like a good idea. On his way to find his phone, Evan stopped dead in his tracks. He could hear a voice softly singing a lullaby, singing so beautifully it had to be Vivienne. Evan felt his heart clench; she was perfect with the kids at All Hope, and he had lately felt his age catching up to him. Sooner or later, Evan needed to have children if he wanted them at a decent age. Vivienne would make the perfect mother, wouldn't she? Evan approached her, placing his hand on the back of her chair, smiling at Maria's content sleeping face.

"I wonder what she's dreaming about?" he whispered, reaching over to tuck a piece of Vivienne's hair behind her ear. "And I actually forgot two things, but I'm thinking the paperwork can wait until tomorrow. How wild were they tonight?" Evan pulled the nearest chair closer to Vivienne and Maria, making sure it didn't squeal against the floor. It a was picturesque moment, and Evan wouldn't change it for the world.

outfit

my inspiration