She's Gone Forever - (jemie)

[JAMIE SHOEMAKER]

Joey had left. She moved away. She packed her bags and left him with just a simple goodbye. It broke his heart and tore it into pieces just letting her go. He didn’t know what to say or do. He couldn’t take care of Joey or the baby. He could barely take care of himself. There had been talk of her giving it up for adoption and his opinions weren’t really considered. How much input could a guy with a gang of thieves up his ass really give? He found himself genuinely hating those people. They’d fucked his life up already and now they were doing it again. He was letting them though. He was being walked all over by people no better than his junkie father. Jamie frustratingly knocked a stack of book off his desk. The loud thumps were somewhat helping his anger.

Pinocchio was scared and it only made Jamie feel worse. The boy watched as his host made a mess of his room but throwing things and knocking over baskets. Jamie wanted his room to match the chaos in his mind. The little puppet boy didn’t understand it so he sat by Jamie’s discarded cellphone and waited. Jiminy and J would know what to do, he thought. As if the cricket read his mind, Jemissa called. Pinocchio remember Jamie saying something about her coming over earlier today. They were going to watch a movie with him in it! It all sounded fun but the boy just started at the phone not exactly sure what to do at this point.

Jamie was ignoring the puppet, his own world being surrounded by feelings that he didn’t want to feel. He felt like a failure. Before he could even try and be responsible, maybe even try to be a good dad, she was gone. Without much warning really. Jamie didn’t know what he did at first but then he figured she’d just finally realize who he really was. She called him and left a message. He wished he’d be able to answer. Maybe things would be different.

The message was short:

"Jamie..........................it's Joey. I can't....Yeah, I can't stay. I don't know why, really. I just. It's better if I go, better for all of us. I think. And you don't need to worry...I'm keeping the baby. It's...she's a girl. Yeah....I don't know anymore. See you around, Canvas. I lo--...bye.”

He called her back but she didn’t answer and he couldn’t bring himself to leave a message. What would he say? Don’t go? That he could change? That he’d rather be shot in the head then live his life in fear of them. She already seemed to have her mind made up. He was glad that she was keeping the baby. Joey was keeping their daughter. She would have a mom at least. That was more than he ever had. A stab in his chest released a strangled sort of sob. He remembered that besides all the silliness of wanting be an actor and rock star as a kid there was one more thing. Jamie wanted to be a good dad. Not having any kind of real parents in his life he vowed to make sure he was the best dad ever. Now, he couldn’t keep that promise. She was gone. Joey left. She’d said “See you around,” yet Jamie wondered if he’d ever really see her again. He sat in the middle of his own tornado and broke down. Finally, he was able to cry. Sadly, that was the same moment his best friend walked through the unlocked door.

[JEMISSA CROCKET]

Jemissa had finally reached the point where she wasn't completely stressed. Jamie was better, and though it didn't give her peace of mind to know that the criminals who did this were still out there, the fact that Jamie was going to be alright made it so she could actually sleep without taking a couple swigs of the hardest liquor she could find. That in itself was a blessing. She was probably going to try and remain on the sober train for a while, since it would make it a lot easier to focus on other things.

Other things being Jamie, of course. It's not like she had anything else to really worry about. Or a ton of other things to do. Granted, she did have a couple other friends, but Jiminy encouraged her to hang out with Jamie and worried about Jamie and just when she thought she'd have a moment of peace, "Why don't you text Jamie?"

[/color] Honestly, she felt like she was smothering him sometimes. But she did sneak in things like "Jiminy said I should text you!" in her messages, so maybe that's why he hadn't told her to leave him alone yet.

She had suggested earlier that they watch Pinocchio, not just for the irony alone, but because the actual puppet boy had not seen the movie and Jemissa found this to be a problem. If a movie was made about your life, you would want to see it, right? She knew there were inaccuracies compared to the original story, but she was sure he wouldn't mind. And Jiminy could comfort him during the scary parts if necessary.

Truth be told, she wasn't really doing it for Pinocchio, though that was a plus seeing as it was basically a once in a lifetime opportunity to show Pinocchio to the real actual Pinocchio. She was mainly doing this because she could relax and not worry for once. They could sit down and watch the movie and not talk about drama or anything. They could pretend it was just any regular evening, which it was. The point was that the fact that it was an evening in the midst of all this crap, that didn't matter.

She put on comfy leggings with hearts on the knees (because she could be cute and comfy at the same time, a skill she had mastered since she started college), an oversized sweater, and red flats. She meant to put on slippers, but she couldn't find them, so flats it was.

She tried to call Jamie to make sure he wouldn't be naked or anything when she walked in the door, but there was no answer. She didn't bother leaving a voicemail - he was probably fine, just showering or something. A little voice told her that maybe it wasn't, but usually the little voice was in the form of an annoying talking cricket, so she ignored it.

Jemissa skipped over to Jamie's dorm, not stopping to even take a breather seeing as it wasn't exactly close. Why the co-ed dorms were so far away from the non co-ed dorms when they were all adults here was beyond her. She was out of breath but she'd be able to relax in a second. Okay, she hesitated before going into Jamie's dorm. It's not like she needed to knock, but she kind of wanted to compose herself a little bit. Not that Jamie cared, but Jemissa did.

With a deep breath, she walked in to Jamie's dorm, and gasped, choking on that breath like it was too big a bite of cake. The place was a mess, everything strewn about, and her heart pounded. Logic yelled that Jamie was right there, but for a second, she thought that maybe he had been taken or would be dead somewhere. Finally, she was able to shake off those thoughts, and notice Jamie sitting in the mess, crying. "Jamie? What's wrong?" Dropping the DVD in her hand, she ran over to him, sliding on a piece of paper, plopping down in front of him. She felt a slight pain in her leg and she probably pulled something, but that didn't matter. "What happened?" She was almost tempted to grab his face but didn't.

Jiminy hopped over to Pinocchio and climbed up on his shoulder, watching the scene with a little interest. It was more than he usually had, which was saying something, but Jemissa didn't care about the cricket at that point. [/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

{ outfit }
{ lyrics are from 'better' by regina spektor }

[JAMIE SHOEMAKER]

Pinochicco made a dramatic sigh of relief when Jiminy came over to him. “Jamie’s sad! Do you think Jay can make it better? Friends do that right?” he asked frowning. “I’m sad too... when people get sad it makes me sad, Jiminy.”

Jamie quickly wiped his face and turned away. “Shit, J. I forgot-- I forgot you were coming over.” He sniffled. “We were supposed to watch the movie and... God, now I’m crying.” Jamie made a sad sigh. “Why do I have to ruin everything?” he asked looking up at the ceiling. He couldn’t even begin to figure out how to answer that question. He put his face in his hands. “I just mess it all up.” Jamie took a deep breath and tried to pull himself together. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. Just like all the other fuck-ups he’s had in his life, this one was his fault too. He made the wrong choice and went down the wrong path and it still haunted him because.... he let it. He was too much of a coward to do the right thing. He was a pushover and a follower. Just like his dad, he never thought for himself. He just let other people make him do things and put words in his mouth. It was sick. It all was just damn disgusting and awful.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered again. Jamie wiped his face with his shirt. “I just... I got a call today and it kind of messed me up.” He looked around the room and took in the damage. ”God, you shouldn’t see me like this. This... is.... stupid.” He stopped and shook his head again. “It looks like I got in a fight with... Geez, I don’t think, J, I’m really sorry.” He pulled her into a hug. He probably scared the bejezus out of her with what’s been going on. She didn’t even know about Joey... and her baby. He pulled away and gave J a serious look.

“I haven’t been telling you everything thats been going on in my life. It’s not even that I meant to like keep it from you but you kinda help me get away and forget about the bad stuff for a while so... Not that this was really that bad until just today I mean things were actually... getting better.” The last two words came out as more of a whisper as the pain in his chest started acting up again. Another deep breath and he blurted out. “Joey’s left town and she’s pregnant. I don’t know where she’s going and she won’t answer my calls. It’s all my fault. She did it because of me and these guys. This dangerous situation. I pushed her away because I can’t---” his voice broke off again. “I can’t stand up for myself. I can’t do anything right, J. I’m just a big smudge of mistakes. They deserved someone better but it still hurts because... I wanted to be that guy. The one that overcame his shitty childhood and did something with my life but I’m not. I’m still the gutless Peter Shoemaker... I’m still my father’s son.”