Beaten Love {Xamp AU}

[RIPLEY "TRAMP" GWYNN]

It was a normal day, unlike any other at first. Tramp, lazing about the house doing nothing in particular. Listening to music, and helping spruce up around the house. Rose had gotten so big now—couldn’t tell her that though, she’d go into depression—so Tramp had to help clean where Rose couldn’t reach. Rose was MIA, most likely off with Guillermo, and Angel had been mysteriously silent the past few days. She hadn’t turned up for class, and there hadn’t been any calls or texts. Apparently Wes didn’t know where she had wandered off to either, and by his tone—this wasn’t characteristic of her. Her phone dinged, and then began to ring, which caused Alfred to flutter about in his cage in irritation. “Shh, shh, little baby. Shh.” Tramp murmured to the bat, her fingers poking through the bars while the fuzzy creature nuzzled her fingers and settled down.

She picked up the phone, and heard a heavy breathing on the other end. “Yeah? Who the fuck is this?” Tramp responded, her brows furrowing.

“Tramp? It’s Wes.” Short, sweet. But there was something in his voice. Tramp glanced over to the bat, then cut off another piece of apple that she kept near his cage, and fed it through the bars.

“Okay, what’s up? You sound all—“

“Xander’s in the hospital.”

It stopped Tramp cold in her tracks. The apple fell out of her fingers before Alfred could take it from her, and it fell to the bottom of his cage with a soft sound. The world seemed to shift out of focus for just a moment, like she was suddenly having vertigo. “You said what now?” Her voice sounded hollow, far away, and there was a ringing in her ears that wasn’t coming from the phone.

There was the sound of motion, and Wes sounded a bit out of breath. She could hear the faint whirr of his skateboard in the background. “Some prick tried mugging him, and being the hard ass he is he put up a fuss. It’s not looking too good. Some people found him and--” Tramp didn’t get to hear whatever Wes said, because the phone clattered to the ground, the battery falling out of the back from impact. She stared at Alfred, without really seeing the baby bat who was now happily chewing on the apple. The creature not understanding what was about to happen to his owner.

Tramp took a step back, and stumbled over her feet, and dropped to the ground, still staring at the cage. Her eyes trailed down to stare at the floor, Wes’ voice ringing in her head. Xander’s in the hospital. It’s not looking too good. Over, and over those two sentences rang out in her head. Then suddenly, it all sank in, and she let out a strangled down between rage and agony. She wasn’t sure when the tears began, but they were suddenly pushing out of her green eyes.

Her fingers went into her always tangled, messy hair and pulled at the strands. Sitting, she rocked herself back and forth while her face contorted into a grotesque expression. The whole world had become a blur, unable to see through the tears that now flooded her eyes. She clenched them shut, just as tight as her teeth clamped together. Sobs erupted from her mouth, taking on the form of agonized screams. The screams came just as fast as she took her breath; the bat in his cage eerily quiet. Tramp’s knees pulled up, curling into herself while she rocked and screamed, and cried. It was hard to breathe, like someone had their hands clamped over her nose and mouth. She struggled for air, trying to breathe while her brain went into overload. How bad was it? Was he still alive, was he still breathing? The idea of Xander being gone, completely sent her into even more hysterics while she collapsed onto her side.

Everything hurt. Internal, and external. Her arms wrapped around herself, digging into her sides, clawing at her skin. She couldn’t move, she was being held down. She couldn’t breathe, she could barely think. She couldn’t see. She was feeling nothing and everything all at once. Why couldn’t she breathe?! Where was Rose? Rose with her car that could speed through New York traffic like it was nothing? Jeny who could calm her? Guillermo who would shake her into her mind again. Where was everyone? Why did it have to be Xander? Sure, he could be a jerk, and snotty, but why Xander? Xander, with his curly hair, and bright eyes. Xander, who thought he was being sly at hiding his science nerdom. Xander, who made her want to live, and die, just with one look. Why him? Why her Xander?

Pull yourself together.

One simple phrase. Echoing in her head, louder than Wes’ words. A voice she didn’t recognize, but seemed to come from within her own mind. A voice that was familiar, but foreign all at the same time. But it gave her the drive to struggle to her knees. And with that sudden strength that overcame her, she ripped out of her bedroom. She had no time for locking the doors, or fussing with the elevators, or the stupid doors of the apartment complex. She ran out onto the balcony, and rushed down the fire escape. The metal shook with the force that she ran, and jumped down the steps. She hopped down the ladder at the end, and took off tearing down the street. Barefoot, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a pair of boyshorts that could hardly be considered proper.

But none of it mattered. She shoved people out of the way, screaming at them to move. The faster she tried to breathe, and the more it hurt her ribs, and the more her lungs screamed for air, the faster she ran. She was aware of the pavement cutting her feet, stepping on sharp objects along the sidewalk. But none of it mattered, none of it mattered anymore. It felt almost like the wind was pushing at her back, urging her to go faster. She blasted in through the hospital, several people jumping. She tore down the side hall, ignoring the shouts for her to stop, and the sound of people running. She had no idea where she was going, but her feet seemed to know.

Suddeny, she was disconnected from her body. Her arms, and legs turning, grasping, sliding, as she weaved her way through the hospital. Tramp was in her mind, she was aware, but it was like someone else had taken control. She didn’t know where Xander was, but whoever was running her body seemed to. She left faint dots of blood and dirt on the pristine floors while she ran. Her face red, moist with tears and sweat. Until she came to a room, and she felt that presence leave her body, and she came to a dead stop. The door was shut, but the tag outside of it read Sykes, Alexander. She didn’t want to go in, she really didn’t. She was afraid of what she would see, or what she wouldn’t see.

Slowly, she grasped the handle, and pushed, stepping into the quiet room. The only sounds were the hiss of an oxygen machine, and the steady blip of a heart monitor. At least his heart was still beating. She didn’t see him at first, only his feet tucked in by a thin white blanket. As she stepped further into the room, more and more of him became visible. His olive skin seemed to be so pale, so, so pale. His eyes were closed, and there was a mask over his nose and mouth, forcing him to breathe. Both of his eyes were shut, but one seemed swollen. The hospital gown seemed to be too big on his pale frame, and his beautiful curly hair was matted. She walked close and closer, all the pain from her body giving way to being completely numb. She could see the odd lumps of the bandages on his chest beneath the gown. His arms had cuts on it, like he had defended himself against something. His cheeks were bruised, and beneath the mask, she could see. She could see that he had been cleaned up, but there were traces of blood around his nose and mouth. She moved closer to see there was a bandage that wrapped around his forehead, a stain of blood showing through.

“No, no, no, no.” She repeated over and over, moving into him. Her fingers fluttered over him, like she was afraid to touch him, to cause him more pain. But he didn’t open his eyes. Was he asleep? Finally, one hand rested on his stomach, below the bandages, her other hand on the top of his head, fingers carefully petting the flattened curls. “Hey, dumbass.” She whispered, trying to smile, but it felt so weak. Her voice shook, like the tears were getting ready to spill once again. “It’s me, you can open your eyes. Promise I won’t stick with a needle.” She teased, though her smile was gone. She bit down on her lower lip, her fingers pausing in this petting. “I said wake up, you dipshit. You’re not going to just go like this, Nahnie needs you.” Now she was getting mad. How dare he come into her life like that. Perfect, and beautiful. Someone who smiled at her, even when she was trying to be a hardass. Someone who made her simple grace, motions, and everything go haywire. Someone, who when she was around, she seemed to lose all motor and speech functions. And then suddenly be ripped away from her.

“Come on you big jerk, open your eyes.” She mumbled, moving her hand away from his stomach, gently pushing her thin fingers into his swollen hand. “Squeeze, move, something.” She stared at his face, looking for any signs of movement. Signs of life that didn’t come from a monitor. She leaned in, and rested her forehead against his, staring at his shut eyes. “Don’t do this Xander, you’re gonna be okay. Wes is on his way, and…and we’ll find Angel. And I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. Please, just open your eyes.” The tears finally came again, and she bit down on her lip to keep from starting the screams again. She left careful kisses on his bruised cheeks, and his swollen, shut eyes. “You’ve got to wake up. I need you too. This is just like you, trying to scare me just so you can hear me say it. Well, it’s not funny.” Her legs were shaking, and slowly, she climbed onto his bed with him. Careful not to move any of the wires, or cords, or to lay on him. The good thing about being rather thin, was she didn’t take up too much space. Of course, a wrong move and she’d go sailing over the edge. But nothing short of a crowbar was getting her away.

Tramp leaned in, and rested her cheek against his shoulder, and squeezed her eyes shut. “I love you, Xander. I love you, you pain in the ass. There, I said it. Happy now? Just, wake up. Please, wake up.”