Post by HEIDI SAXON on Jul 31, 2013 2:25:48 GMT -5
...Heidi Isadora Saxon*
*for in the very air through which this Spirit moved it seemed to scatter gloom and mystery*
[/size]*for in the very air through which this Spirit moved it seemed to scatter gloom and mystery*
...basics*
name...[/b][/size] Heidi Isadora Saxon.
nickname...[/b][/size] There's not really much you can make out of Heidi. A girl I knew used to call me Heid. Like hide.
age...[/b][/size] 18
gender...[/b][/size] female
grade...[/b][/size] I'm a Senior at Baum Academy
occupation...[/b][/size] Do people in high school actually have jobs? Why?
hometown...[/b][/size] New York City, New York.
sexuality...[/b][/size] I'm not really a sexually driven person.
personification...[/b][/size] The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come
status...[/b][/size] dormant
face claim...[/b][/size] Merle Bergers[/blockquote]
...appearance*
physical...[/b][/size] Heidi is a tall, gorgeous piece of work. She is pretty on legs. With long medium brunette locks that look wonderful curly or straight, big and bright blue eyes, and cheek and jawbones that could slice, along with a long, thin body. The "candy-coating on a clusterfuck," as she affectionately calls her appearance, besides being pretty, is relatively normal. However, as is always the case with Heidi, there is always something off. Is she too thin? Too tall? There's just something in her movement, in her posture, in her face, in her eyes, you don't really know. But there is something there that you aren't sure should be.
clothing style...[/b][/size] She has a thing for skulls and skeletal jewelry or prints, something structural or geometric, and has a bit of a thing for the color black. She also gets cold easily so even when she doesn't cover up much or it's hot outside she brings along a jacket or hoodie just in case. Heidi also usually wears flats because of her height, unless she wants to be intimidating. She usually dresses relatively casually, and honestly her clothes rarely fit like they should. Hey, she's still in high school, why shouldn't she try and be a little relaxed? Though it doesn't really work as well as she wants it to.
defining traits...[/b][/size] The first thing Heidi is remembered for is her height. Standing at 5'9", she is taller than any girl she's met and often towers above the rest when in a group of females and can look taller men in the eyes without having to look up much at all. When she feels like being intimidating, she can pop on some stilettos and become taller than almost everyone she knows. However, her long body is nicely proportioned and she actually has a very graceful manner of walking, sometimes described as an eerie sort of floating.
The second is her face. To put it mildly, it's stunning. Model-pretty. But though she is gorgeous she doesn't really acknowledge it, which can sometimes put people off.
Which brings us to the third: her attitude and aura. Heidi is pretty and looks like a generally nice person, but once people start talking to her they start to feel uneasy. Her eerie feeling does not stop at her walk, but envelops her entire being. She is unease and mystery and unpleasantness. When she leaves, you're left with the sort of sick feeling in your gut like you've just read a scary story in the middle of the night. Like monsters are real and they're waiting outside of your window. It isn't her looks that make people nervous, not at all. It's something in her soul that just makes people feel like they don't know what's chasing them but they need to run away from it.
Of course, this feeling fades the more you talk to her. The more people speak to the pretty outside, the more they dismiss the fearful inside, and the unease fades. Of course no one ever quite loses the feeling of there being something off, but they simply call it one of her quirks.[/blockquote]
...personal info*
personality...[/b][/size]
uninterested, disconnected, numb
Heidi isn't really the type to get overly mushy about anything. The only movie she's ever cried at is The Color Purple, she's never cried over a book or tv show. Not full out, anyways. She tears up, but it doesn't feel the same as when her friends talk about sobbing like a baby when so-and-so died, or these two finally got back together, or these people broke up. She's cried over music more than anything, but she won't admit that. She feels a certain disconnect with her friends who always seem to be feeling so many emotions at once or getting so passionate over something they really feel strongly about while she's just sitting back wondering why she feels so uninterested in everything. She's buried her feelings and has a level of control that she expects of herself and she can't seem to break through, so they just stay under the surface.
stubborn, blunt, morbid
Heidi is accommodating to an extent, mostly with old friends because a lot of them don't really understand why she's changed and just peg her as the loner type who should still totally come party with them. She's accommodating in that she says she'll come, but she's stubborn in that she almost never does. However, eventually she doesn't take shit and will flat out tell someone if she doesn't want to talk to them or, if they're close enough, that they're just being plain stupid. She usually means to help them out, or else simply doesn't bother with a filter. She also will occasionally say something about death and dying or afterlife that hints at depression because she has a strong sense of mortality.
hidden, creepy, mysterious
One of the things Heidi hears pretty often is that she creeps people out. She always has, and is pretty sure she always will. Maybe it's the morbidity, but she weirded kids at daycare out, and she wasn't even close to morbid then. She's always been a little hidden, and for a while people looked at her as a mystery to be solved. No one's ever sure she means quite what she says because she's either being blunt and sarcastic or lying to spare the difficulty of hurting your feelings. She doesn't often get involved unless she takes a personal interest, and even then she tries to stay back and let you work things out until she determines you're totally hopeless. People aren't really sure about her. They get wary of her intentions, and she usually leaves you with more questions asked than answered. The one time she swore she was as open as a book could get without ripping, everything else fell apart, so she tries to keep herself closed off from feeling too much for anyone. Despite what she thinks, she's not all that successful at it.
life until now...[/b][/size]
There's never been a person she's been sure she's loved.
Not her parents.
Though they worked hard for her well-being and a very nice quality of life, though she often felt wrong when she thought of it, sometimes she felt like she simply didn't see them enough to make the right connection. Maybe she did love them, but she couldn't be sure. Her father, Michael, had always been more interest in climbing up the corporate ladder than in her affections. When she was sneaking out once in her more rebellious days, she overheard drunk rambling to a co-worker (she wasn't sure she had friends either) he'd invited in about how he'd never wanted a family, not a wife, and never kids. "But people always ask too many damn questions. I fucking hate that it's like a damn obligation to be a fucking family man. Never was, never will be." She didn't stay to hear anything else, practically stumbling out of the door and into a dark car filled past any possibility of reasonable capacity.
She supposed that this disconnect was what made her feel at least closer to her father than her mother, in an odd way. Or at least she liked to think so. Her mother, Wendy, worked at a bank, and Heidi knew that her mother loved her. She could see it, and the guilt always turned to relief when she was dropped off at daycare. She sat in the corner most of the time so there was never that pressure to feel something. Maybe that was why she actually did. She legitimately cared for and was interested in the other kids there, but they weren't really interested in her. She was the odd one with the dead eyes. But each of them was firmly imprinted in her mind. As much as she thought she was incapable of feeling, that was one of the few times she would admit to being something more than numb. Then her mother would pick her up, and start making and effort to interact and love. She wanted to be intimate with her daughter. Wendy had always wanted kids, and wanted more. Obviously Michael wasn't really willing to give them.
Heidi always saw more of her mother, and though the most she saw of them together was at company parties she was made to appear at where she was forced to act a certain way, she could always see the love for her father in her mother's eyes. Sometimes Heidi thought she saw it returned in his, but she always felt like her eyes would be empty and she felt the connection threatened every time she imagined her father as something unlike herself.
Not her friends.
When she entered middle school, the boys started noticing the girls, and Heidi was always a pretty girl, even though she'd not been the most outgoing. The boys slowly started gathering around Heidi, and when the girls noticed this trend they started gathering around her as well. Suddenly she was some kind of popular and people started inviting her to movies, study groups, slumber parties, and eventually all of these turned into codes for opportunities to make out with whoever wanted to. Heidi hadn't ever really felt this kind of thing before, so she was confused by the whole ordeal. She participated only when necessary, usually focusing on hooking up her "friends" who she thought were better suited for each other than she was with anyone. Any crush she'd ever had was fleeting, and based only on their looks, as all of theirs were. Any drug she'd ever tried never gave her the same feeling that it seemed to give everyone else. Alcohol was the only thing that could get her to remotely "let loose" and even then there wasn't much difference. And in her circle there were so many break-ups and make-ups and making out and breaking out but she kept up with it all just to hold onto this odd feeling of some fleeting acceptance.
Not Mathias or Charity.
It was odd, how both of them seemed to pop up at different points in her life. Mathias was almost a constant presence. Charity showed up less often, but her appearances were always more warm. Her friends avoided the girl and called her a "cripple" or "stupid Christian girl" when they were sure she was out of earshot, but all Heidi saw was the sweet girl from daycare. Mathias had been in the daycare as well, and she observed from afar how he seemed to change as he grew away from innocence. Still, she didn't really know either of them well enough to love them. Not at all.
Not even Casey.
Though she was certainly the closest, Heidi would never admit it. The trouble started when the childhood innocence of slumber parties turned into experimentation. At first Heidi didn't participate. Not in spirit. She'd been curious but never really interested in sexuality, so even though her body played along, her mind was never searching for any meaning in her feelings, mostly because there were none felt about it. In her Freshman year she went to Barrie and met a new set of friends to mix with her old ones. They were obviously in the same group from a different place, and they could identify it. Heidi had seen Casey before at a few parties, but she hadn't really talked to her. She'd definitely noticed her, though. Casey had always been the center of the party. Taken the most shots, made out with the most boys and girls, danced the hardest, talked and sang the loudest, stayed up the latest, threw up the least messily, cried the quietest, and only when almost everyone else was asleep. Heidi had always felt intrigued by her, but never really approached her except to help her clean up a few times.
Apparently Casey remembered her, though, because they got along right away, and were soon best friends. They started doing everything together. Every party, movie, lunch, dinner, theft, club sneak, blunt circle, every ridiculous thing they thought of next, if Heidi was there, Casey was there. They were inseparable. They held hands, linked arms, and hugged often because they were simply that close. They didn't make anything non-platonic of it. They even fought, but they made up so quickly that their bond only grew from it. Slumber parties were a common occurrence, but they'd turned more in the direction of the old ones where they simply ate everything, talked, and watched movies until they fell asleep at 7 AM. They always shared a bed and Casey always ended up cuddling onto Heidi, but she didn't mind as much as she thought she would.
Then came the party. They were drunk, everyone was drunk, and someone drunkenly proposed a game of Truth or Dare, which sparked a drunk chorus of agreement. Things went around in random order, with whoever wanted to pick whoever. Heidi had already stuffed her bra with a dozen different people's socks and was balancing a beer bottle on her head when someone dared Casey to kiss the person she liked. The alcohol making her ballsy and giggly she stood up, and stumbled straight to Heidi and kissed her. Cheers went up all around, probably along with at least a dozen penises, but mostly from their girl friends who swore at least twenty times in the next few seconds that they'd seen it coming. But only a few seconds. Because that was as long as the happiness of the moment lasted. As soon as Heidi got over her shock, the only reaction she thought to do was to push Casey way and make a noise of surprise and fear that sounded more like disgust.
It was then, in the stress and confusion, that the alcohol decided it had had enough and Heidi threw up on Casey's legs.
Everything went silent for a fraction of a second, then Casey was running and everyone was either laughing or yelling. Head swimming, Heidi looked around wildly and got up with difficulty, the beer bottle falling to the carpet and tore the socks out of her shirt with tears in her eyes that she didn't understand. She yelled out for Casey, but she couldn't hear herself over the noise. In the breaking up of the game, the dancing has resumed and the music pounded in her ears and made her even more dizzy. She stumbled around the party, ignoring the groping hands and snide remarks, but noticing with guilt the pairs of glaring daggers from too many. She searched through every room until she finally found her in a bedroom getting her brains fucked out by a guy they both detested.
Instead of closing the door and giving them their privacy like she should have, Heidi shrieked like a banshee and practically flew to the bed to tear him off of her, resulting in a hard punch in the jaw and only a glimpse of her best friend's tear-streaked face. Heidi scrambled onto the bed, wishing more than anything she could hug Casey so tight she would have trouble breathing, Heidi received a sharp slap across the face. Lip already bleeding from the punch, her eyes stung as she looked into the hurt and angry ones she'd been searching for. She froze, mind racing for the words to say. It was okay, I was just surprised, I didn't mean to react that way, I didn't throw up because of it, I don't know what you feel for me but I think I feel the same, kiss me again, Casey, please don't hate me.
If she'd said one of those things maybe things would've happened a little differently. But everything she was feeling had her scared shitless and the thoughts were all jumbled and all that came out was, "I can't believe you're a lesbian."
That wasn't the right thing to say. "Well, if you'd paid attention when you fucking jumped in here, I'm fucking not," she said, gesturing to the naked boy now standing in the side of the room, looking pissed but a little guilty for hitting her. "So just get out. Nobody wants you in here, you stupid cunt."
She bolted.
Maybe if she'd stayed and tried to explain herself it wouldn't have happened the way that it did, but the venom in her eyes and voice made her sick to her stomach. She was supposed to be her best friend. There wasn't ever supposed to be hate in her eyes, or the hurt behind it. Heidi went straight out of the house and ran most of the way home, tripping a few times when the tears in her vision hid an obstacle on the ground. Her entire body racked with sobs until she eventually passed out on her bed, too shitfaced and scared to go anywhere but somewhere as safe and warm as that.
At first the morning was better, but that was only because she could actually think. It honestly didn't take long to work out her own feelings, and all she wanted was to call Casey and tell her how much she wished she could've made sense of it before. That she just didn't understand and she wanted to see her more than anything. But Casey never answered her phone, and Heidi figured she'd probably been up a lot later and was still asleep.
She was unbelievably excited when Casey's name finally popped up on her screen, and answered it in a hurry. Her face went from ecstatic to blank in less than a second. After repeating a lot of "yes" and "I'm sorry" and "I understand", she finally hung up and the tears fell. She sat in the back corner at the funeral. Drunk driving accidents were usually pretty bad, but they couldn't even have an open casket. She sat in the church and went to the grave. She said nothing, only watched and listened. No tears fell where others could see. People would always whisper about that. Call her heartless. But those who knew better looked at her face and couldn't bring themselves to say anything. And after that, things changed.
the present...[/b][/size]
Now Heidi's sure that she's loved before, but she wouldn't tell you who.
She knows she loves her parents, even though they aren't perfect, and she knows they love her despite how they act sometimes and how much she's tried to pull away. Their love has remained constant, if distant, and it was the realization of it that got her to pick herself back up and stomach living in the dorms again.
Now a lot of people have forgotten Casey or simply get uncomfortable if anyone brings her up, and Heidi doesn't really love her old friends that much. They're okay, but most of them never really liked her, and she knew she'd always creeped them out even if they didn't say anything. She creeped everyone out. But she makes new friends often enough, and she thinks she loves some of them. She still carries a bit of a reputation as her old "party girl" self, and doesn't deny it, and even though she's invited and accepts, she rarely shows and just tells people she was there because she knows they'll just be too drunk to remember either way.
It's barely been two years since it happened, but more people focus on the boy who survived because he'd been a football star and had to spend time in recovery, and people always talk about how they're impressed that he can still run and throw like that. Heidi hates him.
other notes...[/b][/size]
Even though she's a senior she doesn't really know what she wants to do with her life. She can play guitar and piano and likes to draw and write, but she figures her parents wouldn't really approve of any art as a career. [/blockquote]
...literature*
title... A Christmas Carol
backstory...
So this is the final ghost. After the other ghosts showed Scrooge everything and made him all emotional and contemplating this one shows up and drives home the lesson the others were trying to teach him by showing him that if he keeps being such an asshole to everyone Tiny Tim's gonna die even though his condition could've been cured with treatment that his family couldn't afford on the shitty salary you gave them, and then you're gonna die and everyone will admit how much they hate you and will keep hating you even the people you thought were your friends and no one will really care about the fact that you're dead. This is the Ghost that FINALLY gets Scrooge to see the light.
GoCYtC is also basically death personified and creeps Scrooge the fuck out. It doesn't ever say anything and it's entire being is shrouded in a black cloak except for this creepy bony hand so it can ominously point at things.
...the roleplayer*
tell us about you...[/b][/size]
hi i'm kitt [/blockquote]
...writing*
writing sample/freestyle...[/b][/size] okay first off just look at this cutie
okay we've established that she's gorgeous and adorable and perfect.
you know what that history took way too long to write and it might not even be good I'm not going to check right now but I'm not gonna write more than I have to right now because my head hurts and I'm tired of listening to depressing songs to get into character.[/blockquote]
