SEX IS NOT HEALTHY - Charley

[MARY ANNE SPENCER]

This school was an OUTRAGE. A DISGRACE! A horrible besmirchment on the very face of all that was good and clean. mary Anne felt filthy just sitting in the chair, unable to stop herself from listening to the lies and calumnies that were preached by that iiot teacher. She could hardly believe what she was listening to. Did they HONESTLY believe that she could be expected to sit through a class where she was told nothing but what the teacher painted as the "joys" of sexual reproduction outside of wedlock? There was NOTHING joyous about it. It was not meant to be joyous. It was meant to provide only the satisfaction of continuing the plan that He had written for all of humanity, which was to couple a man with a woman in order to perpetuate God's greatest creations for all time.

This.... This was a disgusting bastardization of that plan. The man stood there, babbling. Mary Anne could no longer respect him as she would respect a teacher. He was just a stranger to her now, a stranger who could send her to detention which would result in a glaringly hideous mark on her permanent record, which she could not afford and thus was forced to listen to the entirety of the class. Her fingers were grinding into her pencil, shaving off flecks of paint with every passing second as she listened with horror to the idiocy that was being spouted at her.

It was only second period on a Monday. Mary Anne ought to have been able to handle the intense levels of stupidity that she was subjected to every day in her dauntless battle against the sexual deviancy in the school, but an entire year of working tirelessly against it had worn her down. She was disenchanted with the entire school system in this blasted nation that she hardly knew if she would be able to continue in the face of such trials and tribulations.

It was then that the man reached down underneath his desk and pulled out a small thing in a little plastic pouch. Mary Anne had heard of such devices, but she knew it couldn't be such. The school would not hand out such sexual paraphernalia in a classroom setting. Even THEY couldn't stoop that low.

"Alright, everybody grab a condom. Remember, it's not my job to check if you actually use 'em, but better safe then sory with what I hear you're all getting into these days."

That was it. Mary Anne couldn't let this go on anymore. She had to make a stand. She had to rise up against the wave of oppression and show that she, a GOOD Christian would not stand for such offenses on morality and justice! She rose to her feet, raising her voice in a call for attention as well.

"Stop! Nobody move! I beseech you, my fellow classmates, do NOT take those foul bits of rubber! They merely tempt you to do the devils work and give in to the stirrings in your loins. I beg of you, resist the temptation, and God shall graciously reward you! All who partake in such wretched activities shall be cast asunder, as God shall smite the wicked who walk this Earth."

[CHARLEY HARPER]

Charley got all the shit classes this year: Gym, Biology, Algebra, and now Health. In her perspective, she thought only the whores of the school should be required to take this class, it was a waste of time for everyone else. Charley had no plans on ruining her life by having sex and getting pregnant, thank you very much. She thought that people who were having sex at this crucial stage in their academic careers were idiots who had fallen victim to their hormones. Charley had quite a stern grip on her hormones, and would have never thought about sex at all had it not been for this stupid class.

However, every second period on Monday, she had to deal with the joys of such things as chlamydia and syphilis. Seriously, if this didn't stop kids from having unprotected sex, there was no hope for them. They had to have gone through at least fifteen diseases in the past hour, and yet this stupid girl in front her her was still flirting with an asshole football player, who had to have at least one of these diseases judging by the amount of girls he flirted with during this class.

Great, the class was finally over. Charley started to pack up her things as the teacher pulled out a basketful of condoms. Charley's eyebrows raised, and she stopped packing up for a second. She thought he was doing the right thing, of course, but the conversation happening in front of her was distracting, as the football player had just stated "Hey Kelly, why don't you and me grab one of those and take this outside?" Wasn't that girl like, fourteen? And…did it look like she was seriously considering the offer? Holy shit, the idiocy of people never ceased to amaze her. Before she could chime in with her own opinion for the happy couple, she was stopped by some girl who had started yelling.

"Stop! Nobody move! I beseech you, my fellow classmates, do NOT take those foul bits of rubber! They merely tempt you to do the devils work and give in to the stirrings in your loins. I beg of you, resist the temptation, and God shall graciously reward you! All who partake in such wretched activities shall be cast asunder, as God shall smite the wicked who walk this Earth."

Charley didn't condone upon sexual activity in high school as well, but really, this was a bit much. 'God shall smite the wicked who walk this Earth'? She sounded like she had just popped out of a bible from the medieval age. As giggles from the students started up, Charley was left speechless. Was this girl for real?

Well, someone had to introduce her to the 21st century. "Excuse me, but have you ever read a biology book, or any sort of scientific research, ever? Just out of curiosity."

[MARY ANNE SPENCER]

Mary Anne detested the sound of those sniggering laughs.Sure, she knew that her opinion (Opinion? No! FACTS!) was not particularly popular in this modern day version of Sodom and Gomorrah, but that gave those insolent little heathens NO RIGHT to act like they were the superior ones in this situation where mary Anne was desperately reaching out to save their immortal souls. What did they not understand about the workings of God? Could they not fight against the earthly urges that gratified for only that brief, fleeting moment and then damned them eternally to the pits of Hell? Why could these ignorant hedonistic slobs not just keep it in their pants? It absolutely boggled her mind beyond belief.

"Excuse me, but have you ever read a biology book, or any sort of scientific research, ever? Just out of curiosity."

Mary Anne whipped around to see exactly what little strumpet had dared ask her that question. Oh, just lovely. It was the little blonde whippet that rarely talked. Mary Anne had never before had reason to pay attention to that little floozy while there were so many more important things to be casting her eyes upon in the class of fools, and as was her nature, Mary Anne had always simply assumed that the young girl had the potential to rise above her mundane life of sin and hedonism to a pure and simple life of righteous virtue, and yet with that SINGULAR comment on Mary Anne's diatribe against covetousness had practically sealed her way to hell as far as Mary Anne was concerned.

She was one of those.

"Oh, what a wondrously worded question, you little tart," Mary Anne shot back at the ignorant buffoon of a girl. "That's just what you'd like to think, isn't it? That anyone who's actually RIGHTEOUS or has FOUND the way of God has to be some sort of ignorant moron. Well guess what, I'm not. Of course I've read Biology books! It doesn't change the fact that you're all LIVING IN SIN and resorting only to your base needs of hedonistic pleasure instead of saving yourself for the glory that the Almighty has in store for you! If you ask me it's wretched - WRETCHED - that you and your liberal media think you can depict US as the crazy ones when it's you - YOU! - with your salacious lies and mainstream media who glorify the act of intercourse and prostitution and evolution! How DARE you?"

Certainly, Mary Anne was putting words into the clearly young and most likely not fully mentally developed girl's mouth, but she was sure that she was merely making a preemptive strike against whatever hideous argument the girl could attempt to make on Mary Anne. Luckily, Mary Anne was far too clever to put up with any of those tricks and shenanigans. She could think one step ahead. It was like a giant game of chess, and Mary Anne was setting up the perfect trap for this girl who had gotten in FAR over her head.

[CHARLEY HARPER]

Wow, this girl made Glenn Beck look like Gandhi. Could she be any more out of her mind? Charley didn't know people in modern society actually thought like that anymore. She had a hard time believing that this girl had been living a normal life in New York City without being strangled, Charley almost got pummeled with a tomato when she was in a debate where she was assigned the view of being against gay marriage. Well, actually, that would explain why the girl's neck was so long and thin…

Well, if she wanted a fight, she was going to get one. Charley could use some practice for debate anyways. "The bible also bans shaving, gossip, cotton and polyester blends, and associating with women who are menstruating. You can't pick and choose which laws people should abide by and which they don't. Religion is all about control, in the end. People get drunk and do stupid things? Ban alcohol. Men can’t control their hormones in public? Ban dancing and the sight of skin. The whole “prohibition” mentality is not limited to religion, but it basically entails hiding anything that people can’t handle as they are, instead of teaching them how to handle it. Religion serves as an enforcement mechanism, a way of controlling people, as well as a way of hiding hypocrisy." This would probably be an easy fight, the girl was probably putting on a facade of strength and would crumble under the pressure.

People were leaving the room at this point, giving the pair of girls weird looks and scurrying away. Charley caught the football player grab a condom on the way out with the little freshman, and the health teacher winked at the boy and gave him a thumbs up. Charley shook her head. Idiots.




note;; I for sure got some of that argument part (aka most of that) from some atheist website. I would link you but it's hidden somewhere in my history and I don't feel like digging through it right now. So, person who wrote that, if you happen to stumble on this post I give all credit to you. Also, sorry this took so long and it's so short.

[MARY ANNE SPENCER]

Mary Anne was out for blood at this point ( in SOLELY the metaphorical sense, because actually maiming this little twat of a girl, while it may feel quite rewarding at the time, would most certainly earn her a spot in the fiery depths of Hell) and she had NO intention of losing the battle of wits with this petite little mongrel. Oh no, Mary Anne's intelligence was clearly too much for the young girl's measly little mind to handle. She would certainly bow and bend under the pressure and weight of Mary Anne's truths sooner or later. Right? She surely wouldn't be able to put up with the might and strength of the righteous truth for very long!

Mary Anne couldn't HELP but laugh at the girl's pathetic knowledge of what she THOUGHT it said in the Bible. Oh, goodness, she was going to have a conniption! Mary Anne LOVED it when people got all high and mighty and acted like they knew what was going on in the Bible. It was truly a hilarious scene. For a moment, mary Anne didn't know where to start with her systematic deconstruction of the girl's poor, misguided argument.

"Well, for you information, missy," she said, now trying to choke back her snide laughter as she took a few steps closer to the young girl until she was staring straight down at her. "Next time you attempt to quote the bible, it might help if you were to be sure to go with the NEW testament. In case you weren't informed, The Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ bid his followers to disregard the archaic rules and regulations of the Old Testament when He came to us. And also, by all means, I IMPLORE you to run off in the buff and let all of you flap around in the breeze or what have you. BE MY GUEST! Just know that there's a whole BOILING PIT OF SULFUR AND HELLFIRE just waiting for you!"

Marry Anne sneered at the girl and rolled back on her heels, arms folded firmly across her chest. She shot a glare at one of the last students to leave, who looked positively terrified. She could only hope that her message of love and peace in Kingdom Come had reached him and inspired him to change his heathen ways.


Note: It's probably a good thing that you actually have citeable sources. I kind of just go with whatever the hell I can think of at the moment. I'm SURE that most of my Mary Anne posts are horribly offensive and inaccurate.

[CHARLEY HARPER]

Was this girl laughing at proven facts? Charley's eyebrows crinkled together in confusion…what was her problem? Was she just not used to being told the truth? Many people whom she proved wrong were usually taken aback, but had never erupted in…giggles Well, that does it. There was no way she was backing out now. Charley never lost a debate. Ever.

Just as she was about to tear the girl's argument into little pieces, she heard a commotion behind her. What the hell was going on? The health teacher, who's name Charley was blanking on…Faber? Frankfurter? Fruehauf? Whatever, it was one of those, was talking to another teacher, the stage tech one. When did she even come in? Charley didn't remember seeing her. It wouldn't even have mattered if they weren't full on yelling at each other in German. Oh god, now the health teacher was crying, and muttering stuff under his breath. Charley thought she heard 'liebe' in there a couple times, which she knew from her limited German vocabulary meant 'love'. God damn it, this was ridiculous. They were adults! They shouldn't be caught up in petty 'love' drama. They should be focused on their careers. Wait, what was she thinking? They were health and theater teachers, achieving life goals were obviously not in their priorities.

When they finally quieted down, Charley went back to the subject at hand. This girl was not backing down any time soon. Well, she could go on as long as she wanted, Charley had plenty of time to spare, and plenty of facts to prove this girl wrong. "The gospel writers contradict each other, they rewrote history when it suited their purposes, they were extensively edited to accommodate the evolving dogma of the church, and they misused the Old Testament to provide prophecies for Jesus to fulfill. And that's just in Matthew and Luke. Would you like me to continue?" She shot Mary Anne a smirk. She had messed with the wrong girl.

notes;; used yet another website for all that bible stuff. and sorry a third of this is about german teachers xD

[MARY ANNE SPENCER]

The volatile rage that Mary Anne felt obligated to contain in order to preserve her most lady like status was beginning to boil over. It was hard not to, what with the tremendous display of utter stupidity this girl was parading about. If she honestly thought that she had any right to scrutinize the scripture so, when she CLEARLY had absolutely NO idea what she was talking about, that little hussy had another thing coming.

Walking over to the teachers desk, Mary Anne shot the teacher a glare. He definitely missed its full force as he seemed wrapped up in his own business, carrying on like it was the End of Days with this other harlot prancing around, speaking other languages like some outcast from the Tower of Babel. Good GOD, why didn't they have the good sense to run all this nonsense behind closed doors instead of crying like children and whatnot. It was a disgusting display to be sure.

Mary Anne picked up the cardboard box filled with rubbers, part of her mortified that she had to touch the vile things to begin with, but it was to make a point and clearly had to be done. If the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ could walk through the desert for weeks on end, Mary Anne could manage to touch one of the tools of the wicked, at least to show this little whelp that her whoring ways would bear no fruit.

"Well, little miss science, I suppose you'll be needing one of THESE then!" Mary Anne whipped one of the hateful little devices at the girl, a little more harshly than she would have liked, but the intention was all the same. "In fact, you'll be needing quite a few in order to practice for copulation!" Mary Anne's voice dripped with rage and sarcasm. She shot a few more condoms at the little twat. "You know, got to have some experience in order to get down and do the dirty business in order to evolve mankind into super monkeys or whatever, right?" Mary Anne was really working herself into a tizzy now, but she could honestly care less at this point. This girl had to be taught a lesson.

Finally, she tossed the entire box at her, condoms flying everywhere as the box hit the girl in the chest. "That IS how science works, isn't it? Or am I just too caught up in my religious beliefs to understand something like science?" The glare she gave the girl was hopefully enough to strike fear into any mortal.

She was almost prepared to leave the room when another thought struck her. Bending over to pick up a stray rubber, she flicked it onto the desk of the teacher, who was now alone without his female liaison. "Apparently yo'll be needing this too, sir, but let me just tell you that whole display was SHAMEFUL. Just shameful!"

notes;; sorry it's so long, but I would be ever so glad if Charley and Mary Anne somehow teamed up to yell at the health teacher.

[CHARLEY HARPER]

"How old do you think you are, five?" Charley said, as Mary Anne started throwing the first few condoms. However, they kept on coming, and once one cut her arm and drew blood, it was war. "How dare you physically injure someone over something as idiotic as your religious beliefs?" If she wanted to fight dirty, she was going to get it. "This" Charley said, picking up one of the condoms by her feet, flinging it back at Mary Anne, "is for your ears, which must be severely damaged to ignore all common knowledge, and this," she said, picking up another condom, "is for all the lies you spread to everyone with no regard to what any of the possible consequences will be, and this," she said, picking up three more condoms, "is for your so-called 'God' who would be shielding you from this onslaught if he actually existed!" With every insult, Charley picked up a handful of condoms from the ground and flung them back at Mary Anne with as much force as she could possibly manage. When Mary Anne eventually threw the box at her, Charley ran over to the girl, and just as she was about to bang her across the face with the box, she realized the girl had directed her attention back to the health teachers.

"Apparently yo'll be needing this too, sir, but let me just tell you that whole display was SHAMEFUL. Just shameful!"

Wait, was this religious freak of a human being actually making some logical sense? "Yes," Charley said, setting the box on down and picking a condom off the floor, and directing her anger towards…Fiedler? Was that his name? Who cared, it wasn't like he was going to have any influence on her life, or his life, or anybody's life. "Come on, you're a teacher! And probably in your mid-40's, you don't even have hormones to blame for that ridiculous display of emotion!" She flung the condom at him, getting a rush when it hit him square on the forehead. He was too fragile to even react, it was brilliant. Was this how serial killers felt when they murdered someone? She had never quite understood when one of her debate books described that serial killers felt a 'rush' after killing someone, but now she could almost relate. Wait. Was she just comparing herself to a serial killer? No. No. This was not similar at all! This was just…interesting. Yes, interesting was more of the correct terminology. Whatever it was, it was thrilling.


note;; i really don't think this post is delayed enough, lolz. i actually think i wrote this over a 6 month time span...so sorry if it doesn't make sense!

[MARY ANNE SPENCER]

Mary Anne just felt SO attacked and persecuted in this stupid class. She didn't understand why these people hated her s much! Why did this little fiend of a girl have to be so vicious and violent and so hateful with her words? All Mary Anne was trying to do was save her soul! WHY couldn't this sinful little blonde understand that and let bygones be bygones until she unerringly sinned her way to hell? Clearly the little hussy was already giving herself away like the whore of Babylon! At this point Mary Anne just wanted to get away from the blasted conversation and let the little slut sin her soul away.

Still, it was admirable the way she immediately turned on her heels away from attacking Mary Anne so mercilessly in order to join the fight against the lecherous teacher. Oh, Mary Anne felt such compassion and sympathy as the harlot threw that first sinful sausage casing. Such pride as the wrapper for the illful kielbasa hit the sexual predator squarely in the forehead. Oh! How Mary Anne approved of this sudden change of heart! This filthy, trampy whore had some hope yet!

"Honestly, sir, I am disgusted and ashamed. I'm embarrassed FOR you." Mary Anne was ruthless in her tearing down the teacher's lewd and inappropriate behavior. She was infuriated at the injustice of it all. Who did this man think he was, attempting to teach a class to high schoolers about how they must stay away from the devil's temptations when he in fact was running around with his frankfurter of fornication hanging about for any filthy floozy to do with as she pleased? It was a mark of shame on his head, on ALL the hussies heads and most atrociously, on the school's record. How could they allow such a horny horror to teach teenagers?

"Excuse me for saying this sir, but it is my most DEFINITE conviction that you need to get your life together before you tell any stupid jock to be careful of the evils perpetrated by Beelzebub's Bratwurst." Mary Anne nodded gravely in his direction before turning to the slutty little mongrel for back up. "I mean, it's just common sense, isn't it? You can't go around condemning the Kielbasa of Chaos until you've tamed your own blasphemous banana!"